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Car-Crazy Ghanaians: Vampire Mps’ Free Car LoansACT I: CAR-CRAZY GHANAIANS In onipa ba Ghana Na sun be car oh The moon na car Na water be car Air too dem de call am car MPs political flatulence be car Na bus be car Na van be car Na articulator be car Na airplane be car Na train be car Na boat be car Na SUV be car The latest is state tractor Patented by Ayariga and Bagbin Now tractor-car dey Ghana Oh Ghanaians na everything be car, car Na government policy be car Uncle Mills dey use first three months Dey look for car tyres in Fante Nyankumasi Dey look for car engines in Osu Alata Dey look for car break-pads in Anloga Dey look for Chrysler in Hotel Kufour Dey look for car oil in Sekyi Hughes’ nice mouth But Mills no dey look for tractor-car thieves in Salaga ACT 2: EATERS OF CAR-CRAZY LOANS MPs previously swallowed car loans Bellyful, they no fit vomit back the loan Yes, the Vampire MPs don fool us all MPs be greedy than Sekyi Hughes Dem be greedy than the NDC-King Who cries one Ghanaian one car tyre But owns a fleet of cars, SUVs, speedboats MPs be greedy pass Kufour The Chrysler man who parks His Chrysler on the 100th floor Yes, 100th floor of the Kufour Hotel Dem be greedy pass Muntaka The man who wanted Ghana people To pad his children with state diapers Oh dem be greedy pass Sekyi Hughes The most handsome NPP watchman Who overloaded his state car With all state properties in Accra Na the state car got angry Na state car would not start ACT 3: POST-NKRUMAH CAR-CRAZINESS Busia flaunted his lips on Datsun cars Acheampong munched in Golf cars Limann caressed his old 404 until he died Like the poor church mouse of Yendi Aging Limann pushed his 404 to jump-start it Rawlings did not give Limann any car But the murderers of the judges Happily picked up keys to Jeep-cars To slaughter and burn the judges From the Rawlings’ stocked dining table The murderers be buga buga soldiers But dey fit go to the King’s dining table They no go there to chop or drink Dem go there for Jeep keys And Queen Konadu teary clapped Rawlings loves fast cars, Jaguar cars He is the fattest cat in a jaguar car While the masses wear down the soles Of their impoverished feet to cheer him on Four SUVs to kill Ridge mosquitoes Two speed-boats to fish for mosquitoes His speed-boats sail on the Accra savannah Kufour no dey like Kejetia Chrysler He loves US of A Chrysler And parks it on the 100th floor of his hotel Hmm as for Mills me I don’t know oh Mills loves his tea on Ecomini wheels He likes his Fante Dokono in tractors And likes to ride Simpa Panyin cars Loaned from the Royal Ridge Junction Where every boom is an order to drive ACT 4: MPS CAR-CRAZY PHILOSOPHY The MPs claim they need 4-wheeled cars To overcome potholes they created The MPs claim they need $50,000 cars To help them reach their constituencies To move goods to Sekyi Hughes’ palace To cart state tractors to their homes To cart diapers for their children To travel to free kyinkyinga sites To travel on per diem on free petrol Cars driven by drivers paid by the state Cars for the vampire parliamentarians Hurray we don’t manufacture cars But all we do is thinking about cars ACT 5: CAR-CRAZINESS AND EMPTYNESS We associate development with cars Social mobility is predicated on cars Social standing is based on cars Wealth is defined by cars and cars We think about the latest BMW We love to have the latest Mercedes And Hummer to hammer our potholes Cars are the Ghanaian bling bling The bigger and more expensive the better Tractors are called big state cars And the only tractor-cars that we had Were sold for free on the auction block To the NDC lords of the houseflies To demolish anthills in the North We are yet to develop car tyres Yet Parliament is all about cars The vampire parliamentarians Think about cars all the time Today they have asked for $50,000 But we have gone to the World Bank The bank that preys on poor Africans To ask for guillotine loans for our necks ACT 6: CAR-CRAZINESS DERAILS PROGRESS We buy cars on the whim End of service has policies on cars But schools are impoverished Some SSS use broken bottles as beakers MPs get free loans for cars Police no get state cars for work Border Guards no get state cars Prisons no get state cars Fire Service no get state cars Hospital beds are bare floors Hospitals are graveyards Infant mortality is high in the North But Bagbin thinks about tractor-cars We have electricity but live in darkness School fees have produced street kids Libraries are bereft of books Korle Lagoon is now called lavender lake Accra is in a big dirty messy cesspool But our MPs’ policies are about cars Roads are now lakes, rivers, oceans But MPs think about cars, cars, cars ACT 7: CAR-CRAZINESS AND MORAL DECAY Yet our greedy MPs want $50,000 Cars to visit evanescent post-election constituencies Cars for market to buy diapers Cars for saloon to buy fake hair for girlfriends Cars to rent porno for underage girls Cars to purchase cocaine in Tudu Cars for making divisive boom speeches Cars to visit the garage of Hotel Kufour Cars for concubines to visit their home-towns Cars to take dada mma to expensive school Cars to distribute chamber-pots during elections Cars for Sekyi Hughes’ stolen items Cars for the 50th Anniversary Committee To carry Chinese-made Ghana flags Cars to investigate Legon inner legs ACT 8: EPILOGUE - HYPOCRISY OF CAR-CRAZINESS So every MP has a fleet of state-loaned cars Na wa oh, cocoa farmers no dey get wheelbarrows Teachers no have bicycles Nurses no dey have motor-bikes All Ghanaian workers should run to work Or demand $100,000 loans to buy trains Cocoa farmers are better than vampire MPs Workers you’re better than the greedy vampires Workers you deserve bigger loans Cars oh cars cars oh cars oh cars Our cacophony of progress Deceit of democratic equity It is all about Car-Crazy Parliamentarians Lording it over Car-Crazy Ghanaians Akadu N. Mensema is a Denkyira beauty. She is a trained oral historian and sociologist, and is a Professor in the USA. She writes what critics have called “populist hyperbolic, satirical” poetry. She can be reached at akadumensema@yahoo.com
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