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During the food shortage in Ghana 1983, I had to join an almost 100m queue just to enable me buy a 250g butter-bread. In order to "save" my bread till the next two days, I ate a little and drank about 2 cups of water. I kept the bread in the fridge, since I thought it would lose moisture and shrink if I kept it in the open. Then came my dear and only sister with her friends from school and feasted on my precious bread. With laughter and never apologising, they left me almost in tears.

Then my dear sister went to buy Gari. She was then attending a commercial school and boasted she was the best "economist" in the family. So she soaked the Gari with 2 times the water the Gari could absorbed and then she placed it on the roof of the house to force it to dry with the help of the 3pm sun.

When she felt it was time to pick up her Gari from the roof, I was standing nearby just to beg for some. She told me point blank: "There is nothing for you, small brother." But lo and behold (God is not "left-handed", as we used to say): 3 fat male lizards (the so-called Akwete Police) have helped themselves with the "honourable economics" Gari, and were relaxing in the plastic plate in which the Gari USED to be.

She exclaimed just before the tears started rolling down her cheeks: "Stupid! why don't we eat lizards?"

j.n.m.a (Germany)

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Fell down or I will fell you:

Well, this story is not mine. I was told some longtime back. I don't know how true it is.:-)

During one of the first ALUTAs in the Ghanaian universities, it happened that the students at Tech (UST) were heavily fighting with the police on the university campus. A student who was very tired due to the fighting decided to relax on a near mecca. After a short time a policeman also tired and looking for a resting place came and sat under the same tree. Unfortunately for the Student, a leaf from the tree fell down on the head of the policeman. The policeman raised his head up and saw the frightened boy on the tree, and shouted:
"hey, boy! fell down or I will fell you!"

----> j.n.m.a (Germany)

Webmasters Commnts: I suppose the boy fell down immediately ;-)


During the June 1986 GCE O'Level Morden Mathematics examination at the Accra High School (Form 1A), the normal searching of pockets of exams candidates for possible 'apo' was conducted. The Arts students, who were regarded as not so good in Maths, were given almost a police type of search (a little exageration from me - please allow :-)). Then came to the turn of this boy, thought of in the school as very notorious. Knowing he was always a suspect, he tried to be innocent this time and so cut away the piece of cloth inside the side pockets of his school shorts and came to the exams hall without pants under his shorts. A female elderly teacher, knowing the boy very well, decided to search him herself. She 'dipped' her 2 hands in the 2 side pockets of the boy. Suddenly she let out a cry, and the following ensued:

Female teacher: stupid boy, bad boy, you fool, Kwashia,...
Other teachers: what did he do?
Female Teacher: he is a stupid boy, fool, ...
other teachers: (to the boy) what did you do?
Boy : nothing!
Female teacher: I held his thing...

In an asylum home in the city of Jena, Germany, I met one Ghanaian in his early 50s during one of my usual visits there. This man I was told has refused to talk to anyone. He looked very well to do (in the Ghanaian term): a little pot-belly, neatly trimmed beard, well dressed, etc. In fact I respected the man at once just at first sight.

I was surprised he approached me, since I was told he did not want to talk to anyone. Later he told me, he approached me becase I was well dressed and I looked like someone who has already got his work permit and papers.

As the conversation went on, I had the impression the man was in dare need of work permit, since he was only talking of work permit. He then told me: "boss, I have sold my chemical store in Accra just to get here, and still these Germans are not giving me the work permit..." There, I held my head in pain for him, because I knew at once he has been a prey for some cheaters.

I asked him where he thought he is at that moment. He replied: " I am of course at the labour office for foreigners - and you, look at how nice you are looking - you have definitely got your papers - look, I sold my chemical store and paid so much just to get here - if I don't get the work permit, I don't know what to do."

I shouted with annoyance: "how could you allow yourself to be cheated like this! You are not here at the labour office for foreigners. You are in the asylum home. If you are not lucky, you will be sent home in chains within the next shortest time. A man of your nature should prove whatever he is told before acting on it. I am here just for a visit. And I am not here for work permit, but I am just a research student in Germany."

In fact this man was in the first camp of asylum seekers. The most horrible place to stay on earth! He refused to talk to people, because he was told by the "connection men" that every one at that place is also looking for work permit and then job. And so whatever he says may be used by the others to get thier jobs. That is why he had kept all his secretes for himself.

Luckily (maybe) for him he still had his return ticket, which enable him his flight back to Ghana.

----> j.n.m.a (Germany)

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Stolen Second Wife

A man left his super high quality video deck for his wife in Ghana and came to Germany. Before leaving he told his wife: "please take very good care of this video deck. It is the first thing I ever bought with my money. I love this deck very much, sometimes more than you. In short this deck is your "rival", my second wife".

5 Months after his arrival in Germany, his wife wrote him this letter:

"...Darling, I am sorry. Thieves broke into the house and made away with your second wife. Me, your fist wife, I managed to save myself. Neither my "rival" nor the last pants you left behind was spared..."

----> j.n.m.a (Germany)

Webmasters Commnts: ?

Akyekyere ase affair (The affair under the tortoise)

It was this boy at a Secondary School in Tema (around 1989) who was known to be very CHRIFE (Religious) and was respected by all on the campus. I once went back to the campus to visit some of my former junior students, when one teacher asked me:

"Mr...., have you heard about the 'akyekyere ase' affair?" I replied
He said, "go to the juniors, they will tell you all".

Before asking, the juniors run towards me, almost shouting:
"senior _, have you heard about the 'akyekyere ase' affair? They found senoir _ and _ under the plastic tortoise at the childrens' park, having sex. Senior _ is now called ARISTORTOISE, and that girl _ is called ARISTURTLE"