Feature Article of Sunday, 2 December 2012

Columnist: Damoah, Nana A.

2012 Awards

The eagerly anticipated awards is here! Below the initial set. You can add more
categories and nominees! Happy reading :)

Contributors: Yvonne Amenuvor, Kofi Yankey, Linda Narh, Richard Billy Hanyabui,
Maximus Ametorgoh, Ama Vanderpuye, Albert Ocran

1. Most publicized job: #TeamAyariga, aka Ayarigites, FOHAites and Ayarigated Squad. According to Qouphy Appiah-Obirinkorang, all opponents of this team are called Ayarifour. The close second position is occupied by Citizen Vigilantes.

2. The most Seetay Waa (aka False hope) Project of the Year: Nana Konadu’s
inability to run for President. Closely followed by the much anticipated list of
schools under trees which had been eliminated in the past four years.
3. The most anti-climax moment of the year: The inability of the NDP and Nana
Konadu to contest the 2012 Presidential Elections.
4. The most consistent company: Electricity Company of Ghana (ECG). You could
always count on them to disappoint. (They maintained it for the last 2 years).
Jointly nominated: Ghana Broadcasting Corporation and MTN.
5. The most popular new word: This award is too competitive. But most of them
have been provided by the man-of-the-moment, His Excellency Hassan Ayariga. Some of
the words are Ayarisa, Ayarigate, Ayarified, Ayarigaism. My favourite is Ayarigaism,
which is defined by my friend Felix Afeti as follows: “Using money to obtain a
position that one cannot use performance to maintain.” Two words get the nod:
Ayarigate and Gargantuan (introduced by Martin Amidu). Ayarigate is defined by the
man himself as ‘when one man is able to make a whole nation laugh and smile in joy.’
Now, that is ‘whomor’!
6. The Most Difficult Item to Maintain: Streetlight
7. The Open Secret of the Year: Two joint winner, all linked to NDP and Nana
Konadu: the formation of a new party, and the fact that Nana Konadu was going to
contest (or attempt to contest) the 2012 Presidential Elections.
8. Political Multi-task Master of the Year: J J Rawlings. In 1992, he was the
Flagbearer and ‘Founder’ of more than 2 political parties. 20 years later, he was
the official ‘Founder’ of 2 political parties.
9. Dangerous Wish of the Year: “We can have many many Hassan Ayarigas.” ~
Hassan Ayariga in interview with Bola Ray on Joy FM. My response was “Please, one is
enough, thank you very much.”
10. Wordsmith of the Year: Now up till third quarter of the year, it was Papa J,
who gave us such exotic phrases like ‘Greedy bastards’, ‘Babies with Sharp Teeth’
and ‘Evil Dwarfs’. However, the Paul-a-w’aba-nt3m, HE Uncle Aya has been finished
the year strongly with such additions as ‘Encouraging Salaries’, ‘Absorbable verses
Avoidable Graduates’ and the now-famous ‘Yes, We Can’t’. It is a tie between Papa J
and Ayariga, but worth of mention is one of the parliamentary candidates in Ablekuma
(got to get the right constituency) who gave us the phrase ‘…in the governancy’.
11. The Most Fire-prone spots: Markets
12. Manure Mouth of the Year: This is a very close one between Kennedy Agyapong and
Dr Tony Aidoo but Tony wins due to his ability to affect a broader spectrum: both
politicians and non-politicians.
13. The Most Energy-Efficient Sportsman: Asamoah Gyan. He worked less to score
more, and earned even more!
14. The Most Popular Foreign Service posting: Prof Atta Mills' appointment as
Ghana's High Commissioner to Heaven. RIP, Prof, we still miss you.
15. NGO of the Year: PNC (maintained from last year, with even greater confusion!).
16. Critic of the Year: Michael Teye Nyaunu beat JJR to it this time.
17. Most listened-to politician: JJ Rawlings. Everyone listens to his speeches,
even when some know they may not like what he says (maintained for 2 years). Ayariga
is second.
18. Most Active Facebook MP: This is undoubtedly the self-acclaimed MP for Facebook
South, Rodney Nkrumah-Boateng.
19. Most Active Facebook Page: This is subject to discussion, but in my estimation,
it is the page of lawyer (Ace) Kojo Anan-Ankomah. Most of us got educated,
entertained and tickled on his page.
20. Most Improved Politician: Dr Mahamadu Bawumia. I found him more confident on
stage and in debates compared to last 4 years.
21. Most Consistent Government MP/Minister: Hon Haruna Iddrisu
22. The most silent politician: Dr. Edward Mahama (maintained the position over 2
23. Product of the Year: Ayaricough
24. Head-master of the Year: Koku Anyidoho. Especially when he has a meeting with
Senior Persons earlier in the day. Heads roll, s3 asa!
25. Most Misunderstood Acronym: IMANI. You don’t know whether they are NPP or NDC!
Keep up the work, folks; we can’t all be in parties J
26. The most talked about commodity: Education. Should it be free, what does basic
education mean, will Oxford accept the certificate from our educational system?
Education everywhere. And it appeared that some public figures needed a top-up of
it. Yes, you got it right. Education.
27. Political Divorce of the Year: Two joints winners – PPP from CPP and NDP from
NDC. Interestingly in both cases, just one alphabet changed in their setups.
28. Most Generous Governmental Agency (also CSR Organization of the Year): GIPC.
Donated to Peace Walks, Birthdays and other allied activities. Just ask. GIPC –
Gradually Incinerating Public Cedis
29. Most Important Person: Dr Kwadwo Afari-Gyan.
30. Media Faux Pax of the Year: Citi FM, Joy FM and GhanaWeb announcing the death
of the late former Vice President of Ghana, HE Alhaji Aliu Mahama, before he died.
31. Tourist of the Year: President John Mahama, on his ‘Thank You’ Tours after the
death and burial of President Atta Mills.
32. Electronic Item of the Year: Tapes (Secretly Recorded versions were the hottest).
33. Religious Leader of the Year: Pastor Mensa Otabil
34. Paradox of the Year: Using the words of a man who allegedly has no integrity to
give integrity to your cause. This gave birth to the phenomenon of Otabilism, which
is defined as being at loggerheads with the earth yet eating in an earthen pot aka
apotoyiwa. Example, “After chasing the bird for three days and failing to shoot it,
the hunter said he didn’t care, afterall the bird was thin and ugly. What an
otabilic statement!”
35. Tragedy of the Year: Achimota Melcom Shopping Mall Collapse. May the souls of
the departed rest in peace and may their families find comfort.
36. Arrest of the Year: The arrest of Accra Metropolitan Authority (AMA) building
inspector Christian Ababio on the orders of AMA boss and Accra Mayor Dr Alfred Oko
Vanderpuje. The arrest took place at a news conference to launch a disaster fund for
the victims of the Melcom disaster.
37. Look-Alike of the Year: Rick Ross’s twin in Ghana – Dr Oko Vanderpuje, aka
Slangus Beardmus.
38. The most debated phrase: Free SHS (for those in the school of mosquitoes, it is
free eich eitch ess for you).
39. Mathematical/Econometric Topic of the Year: Woyometrics
40. Most Popular Abbreviation of the Year: JM. Close contenders are SHS, GIPC and
MTN (both the brand and the MP). According to Cyrus DeGraft-Johnson, GIPC also
stands for Gifts Intended for Political Campaigns.
41. Sacking of the Year: The dismissal of the former Attorney-General Martin Amidu
by President Mills in January 2012.
42. Campaigner of the Year: The one and only chief Citizen Vigilante, Martin Amidu,
Esquire. He has been on a one-man campaign to get Woyome to return judgement debt he
43. Writer of the Year: Martin Amidu for his now famous epistles. You can find his
epistles here: http://www.martinamidu.com/
44. Biggest Prank of the Year: Going to the court to obtain a ruling on Woyome
judgement debt, then go ahead to pay ignoring the court’s three step approach, and
then returning to court to get the payment returned, and then prosecuting the main
actor for receiving the money you gave him J
45. Phrase of the Year: Judgement Debts. Nana Addo’s ‘All Die Be Die’ still remains
fresh (won last year).
46. Phantom Elimination of the Year: Schools Under Trees
47. Quickest Makeover of the Year: Status change of ‘Schools Under Trees’. It works
this way: there is a school building under a tree, so it is a ‘School Under a Tree’.
Cut down the tree and the status of the school changes!
48. Quote of the Year: “It is not when you squeeze your face and look so strange
and don’t smile that makes you a President.” – Hassan Ayariga
49. Renaming of the Year: Nana Osei Tuffour (formerly known as Otumfuo Nana Osei
50. Comedian of the Year: Ayariga finally overtakes Funny Face!
51. Development Strategy of the Year: “I will develop Ghana from the circumference
to the radius.” ~ Akwasi Addai (aka Odike), Presidential Candidate of the United
Front Party (UFP)
52. Car Model of the Year: Hyundai i-10
53. Inspirer of the Year: Jointly won by a couple - Albert and Comfort Ocran. In
2012, Springboard became even bigger and more programs to teens, writers,
entrepreneurs were rolled out by this amazing couple.
54. Political loss of the year: Dr Edward Mahama lost his bid for PNC
flagbearership to little known Hassan Ayariga in February 2012. Ghanaweb’s report
was captioned appropriately – “PNC Congress: Ayariga guns down Edward Mahama”. Aptly
called the Mugabe of PNC, it was Dr Mahama’s fifth bid for the flagbearership.
Little known Ayariga kept on shooting, having shot himself up to become one of the
best-known names in Ghana!
55. Local Team of the year: Berekum Chelsea for their exploits in the CAF Champions
56. Bribery "Scandal" of the Year: Prophet Nkansah vrs. Electoral Commission (EC)
57. The most scarce product: LP gas (still reigning for three straight years).
58. Most rewarding career of the year: Being a member of any of the FMs (For Mahama
59. Most forgotten Prophet of the Year: Osofo Apraku, God’s beloved daughter (still
missing in action).
60. “S3 Asa” Moment of the year: Final launching of GLO in Ghana, in April 2012
61. Most Absurd Group of the Year: Unemployed Graduates of Ghana (UGAG). What
happens when their executives get employed? (They won last year). Closely in second
position is the group supplied by my friend Kofi Larbi (Kola Nut): Pregnant Women
For Mahama (PWFM). Kola asks, ‘What if they deliver before 7 December?’
62. Most Awkward and Embarrassing moment of the Year: The Chairman of GIPC saying
he returned the GHC20,000 cheque to the organisation only for the former CEO to say
it was actually GHC11,000 which was returned.

63. Most Romantic Laughter of the Year: [Editor’s Note: This is a honorary award
this year, so lasty year’s winner was maintained in honor of the recipient.]
President Mills’ laughter on Asempa FM, in response to the allegation that he had
budgeted 90million GH cedis for his flagbearership campaign.

64. Toll Collectors of the Year: The Ghana Police Service (maintained from last

65. Synonym of the Year: Efforts to Get Mahama Elected = Peace March

66. Surprise of the Year: The death of President Atta Mills.

Nana A Damoah http://www.facebook.com/nanaaweredamoah