Letter From The President: Undemocratic Secrets

Countrymen and women, loyalists and opponents,
Forgive me for not writing to you about the report of the Nail Rawlings Completely (NRC) panel earlier. As you may be aware, they presented their report to me a few weeks ago. The report was in five bulky volumes. I don?t have the inclination nor the time to read them. So I asked someone to read the five volumes and tell me about what the NRC says. So far, I am happy with what I have heard.

According to the NRC report, Jerry Boom is responsible for most of the state-sponsored human rights abuses in our country. He sanctioned the murders of the judges and ordered several arrests and detentions. In the eyes of the NRC, Jerry Boom is almost like Augusto Pinochet of Chile. The NRC has done exactly what it was supposed to do, even though it made some unpardonable mistakes, took unwise decisions and showed open bias in some cases. The commission?s conclusions might not bring genuine reconciliation to our country but it?s another nail in Jerry Boom?s coffin.