You are here: HomeNews2017 10 05Article 588156

Opinions of Thursday, 5 October 2017

Columnist: Akosua Asiedua Akuffo

Inside Asiedua's Chest: Which one too is ‘dabi dabi ebeye yie'?

Akosua Asiedua Akuffo, writer Akosua Asiedua Akuffo, writer

In a floral off – shoulder romper with her messenger bag hanging on her shoulder, she walked towards her two friends at the beach with a pair of shades in one hand and her iPhone in another.

With a few inches away from her friends, she looked on her phone and said: "Which one too is ‘dabi dabi ebeye yie? Mtcheew!"

Wendy looked up after her long chuckle. She got closer to the table where her friends were sitting, sipping on cocktail drinks in wait of her. She was still in rage.

"In this era that Brazilian, Peruvian, and Mongolian and other types of expensive hair are must-haves; where Apple and Samsung have new releases each year; in this era where Miami, Bahamas, and Dubai are a must for baecations (slang for lovers' vacation) and in this Ghana that Kempinski and Movenpick are the standard places for birthday dinners; who would date a broke guy? Ah! I'm so upset, mtcheeew," she lamented.

Wendy is the first of three girlfriends who hang out at least once every week to have fun and share ideas. This week's special edition was about to start. The agenda for their meeting was to share ideas on a business adventure and how to make it viable for them.

"Sister nie! What are you upset about this afternoon?" Efe, one of Wendy's friends who was already seated awaiting her arrival asked.

"Speak of the devil. He's still calling."

"Who's calling?" Her friends asked in unison.

"Ah! Is it not Kojo. He's been flooding my cell phone with messages and call since I told him it was over between us. Is it my fault that he's broke and cannot take care of me?" Wendy asked without expecting any answer from her friends.

"What? You've broken up with him too? Your relationship is barely a year old. Well, I missed two calls from him on my way here but I could not pick up because I was driving. I thought he could not reach you and wanted to know your whereabouts. I think there's no need to call him back then," Carrie, the third of the three friends stated.

Efe sarcastically began: "These were your words a few months ago ‘oww Kojo is the love of my life. He's handsome, a banker and he's really caring. I think he's my last stop. I mean this one will lead to marriage.' Now, what's changed?"

Wendy then grabbed a seat and began: "A lot has changed Efe. Must I let him destroy me with his broke a** for a year before I leave him? Isaac was still supporting me in the first few months. Now he has found another woman and I have to let him go because I was obviously cheating on him. I listened to you ladies and chose Kojo for love and let Isaac go. If only the love could solve my financial problems... You know my current situation, and I need a man who can support me not one whose financial problems are thrice mine."

"And what is your current situation? Oh, your decision to be jobless and depend solely on men every time? Of course, I know about that," Efe stated sarcastically.

Wendy's long -I hate you for saying this to me- look would have made Efe uneasy except that she looked away for a while after her statement.

Trying hard to hide the shock that registered on her face, Carrie cleared her throat and took a sip of her cocktail.

"Wendy, why do you always base your relationships with men on material things? You are not getting any younger girlfriend. You'd need to settle down soon and that can't happen if you keep throwing men out of your life because of money! What happened to the other qualities?"

"Which other qualities are you talking about, Carrie? Qualities na medi? (Will I eat the qualities?) Haven't you heard of the Akan saying ‘Odo kakra, sika kakra? – To wit, a little bit of love goes with a little bit of money. Please, I've got needs and I cannot spend a minute with a broke guy. Men like it when women look good, don't they? It takes money, a lot of it to look good and keep up these days so why should I continue to be with a man who cannot afford my status? Wendy replied.

Efe widened her eyes and said: afford your status? Are you some sort of goods the man is coming to buy? Where in the constitution has it been stated that girlfriends are the responsibilities of boyfriends? She asked and took on an indignant face that would take a stone-hearted person to look and not laugh.

Carrie and Wendy broke out in laughter after which Wendy poked Efe and said: "Madam Constitution..., preach oooon…" Wendy's phone chimed in her bag to alert her of a received text message. "It's him again," she said and began reading the message:

"Don't do this Wendy. What happened to all the good times we had? I've always told you love looks beyond these things upon which you sadly want to break up with me. This certainly cannot be the end of a beautiful love story we started almost a year ago. I perfectly understand where you are coming from but you of all people should know that love isn't about how much money your partner has; what car he uses or how much money he gives you. Love travels way beyond the boundaries of comfort and material things. I know you're disappointed in me for not being able to provide for you lately but you know the reason. I work hard for the future we're trying to build together. You have tried but can you just be a little more patient with me, please? I love you and I know you do too, please don't go, Wendy. Let's talk about this, please?"

Wendy giggled after reading the message and dropped her phone in her handbag.

"Honestly I think the guy is real. Don't leave him, Wendy."

Efe advised and continued "Most ladies of today think that the men have to provide for them and sometimes their families as long as they are in a relationship and it's pathetic! What happened to supporting each other…?" How is that pathetic? As long as we're not married, there should be nothing like supporting each other. If the man is not ready to take care of a woman why does he get himself one in the first place? If a man is ready to be in a relationship, his pocket must be too. It's that simple," Wendy replied.

"I think you should come again on this one Wendy, this way of thinking is what gives some men the right to say they own some women. Remember my roommate, her boyfriend used to beat her up and treat her like trash. There were times I heard him say things like no one can take you away from me and I wondered if he had used some kind of a charm on the lady.

"It went on for such a long time but the girl could not leave him and everyone wondered why? I mean is it not stupid to stick with someone who doesn't treat you right? But she did for more than three years. Apparently, the man was paying her school fees, had bought her a car, even rented the room for her, I can even say he bought her panties and I won't be far from right. For those reasons, he treated her like a piece of rag.

"To me, allowing a man to do all these things for me would be like selling my freedom to him I feel it would give him some sort of power over me. Women of today have to learn to be independent," Carrie contributed.

Wendy teased: "Miss independent nie!!" and took a sip of her cocktail.

"Stop being sarcastic and listen to wisdom, Efe took the baton from Carrie and continued: "Exactly my point Carrie. I learned my lessons on that when I was with Charles. He thought because he was providing for me it was my responsibility to clean his house and wash his clothes and have sex with him each time he wanted it.

Of course, I knew the relationship was heading towards the direction of marriage so I did not hesitate in doing all that. It took a sermon in church for me to come to my senses - it was wrong for me to perform those chores for a man who was yet to pay my bride price.

I stopped performing those wife duties for him and stopped asking him for money but he continued to send me money for my upkeep. He later realized the gesture was not being reciprocated with sex and all that so he stopped and we eventually broke up."

"I've heard all you ladies are saying but it seems you're not getting my point. Carrie, something other than the money could have been keeping your former roommate in that toxic relationship. You obviously do not have all the facts. And Efe dear, your case is just the opposite of mine. I am giving the sex whenever he needs it yet no money whenever I need it. That's not love. Even if it was, I am in a place where I need money more than love. I cannot be with a broke man and I do not think that's asking for too much," Wendy explained.

"That means the sex is for sale and I'm trying so hard to keep the lid on the right word for now. You both enjoy the sex, don't you? If you think it is a reason why he should provide all your financial needs, you're wrong, girlfriend!" Efe jabbed.

Carrie who has been staring at her two friends cleared her throat again and said: "Girls! Are we going to talk about this all day? For crying out loud we came here for a reason."

Wendy replied: "I don't even know why we're wasting time on this. I'm leaving him and that's final. He can go elsewhere with his 'sakora' relationship."

"I hope you find a better relationship with salad, wole, gari, meat, fish, egg and all the other 'ingredients' that go with it. And I pray you don't go into marriage with this your philosophy. Because if you are going to divorce every man you get married to in hard times then we have a thousand weddings to plan for you alo…," Carrie dissolved into gales of laughter before she could end her statement.

Her two friends could not help but laugh it off too.

Wendy continued to defend her stand "With all seriousness I cannot be with Kojo anymore. He lives in a compound house. Secondly, he doesn't even have a car. Yes, he has a job but I am supposed to wait until he rises from his teller position at the bank to the manager before I enjoy life? Come on girls, you should know better.

"I'm not thinking about marriage now. Even when that time comes I'm pretty certain my position would not change. For now, I just want to enjoy life. I have too much on my bucket list to waste a minute more with a broke man.

"You better not go into it with this stance. You have no idea what women who marry such men go through. Who should suffer with a man to make fortunes for you to go and enjoy? Efe quizzed.

"Does every man need a woman to make his money with? There's definitely a man who made it alone and needs a woman like me to spend it all with. It's just a matter of time, I'll meet him," Wendy said delightfully.

"Remember, he that gathers ant infested firewood should not complain when lizards visit him. My mother made a similar mistake and not a day does she not regret it. Not a day goes by without her being reminded by my father that she did not help him make his money hence does not have a say about how he spends it," Carrie advised.

"My dear Wendy, you're undoubtedly beautiful to attract all the rich men in the world but it will be just a matter of time for them to find out about your predilection. And no man would take such a woman seriously. They'll cheat on you, abuse you and do all manner of things to you. Do not sell your freedom to a man dear," Carrie advised and added, "Let's get to today's business before we end up spending the whole day on this topic."

Join our Newsletter