Good poem, as usual. Better than the incomprehensible word chant that pass for poetry on these boards.
Here goes my critical wand:
The last three stanzas of your second verse a ... read full comment
Cousin, Greetings of the highest order.
Good poem, as usual. Better than the incomprehensible word chant that pass for poetry on these boards.
Here goes my critical wand:
The last three stanzas of your second verse are off meter. I bet you can tighten it a bit. You wrote:
"By melding into the changes around
And grabbing the right chances
Which come during breaks"
Could it be:
"Into lively activity you meld
Dancing with the ones you choose
At the break of opportune time"
You could've broken the fourth verse, second and third stanzas better.
You wrote:
"Give yourself a life sentence dedicated to
An orgy of joy"
Instead break it this way, avoiding "to" at the end:
"Give yourself a life sentence dedicated to An orgy of joy"
Same with fifth verse. You wrote:
"And like a little naughty child
That is chided
Boredom will not again be in your domain
Break it down this way:
"And like a little naughty child chided
Boredom will not again be in your domain"
Well, I am not surprised your poetry about boredom ends in a beer drinking fest. Just drink one up for me.
Saaalute from forehead to waist with a thundering foot stomp amid cheering applause.
Kwesi Atta Sakyi 10 years ago
Welcome Cousin. My workload is challenging me. Any ideas how I can manage myself and do the little things I like doing, such as writing? Very soon I shall quit this horrible teaching job which is at its 43rd year. Saaalute!
Welcome Cousin. My workload is challenging me. Any ideas how I can manage myself and do the little things I like doing, such as writing? Very soon I shall quit this horrible teaching job which is at its 43rd year. Saaalute!
Kobena 10 years ago
Good one Kwesi,
Sometimes we find that "the spirit is willing, but the body is weak." Other times the stuff we read about our dear country gets so depressing the urge to even hurl invectives simply escapes!
Good one Kwesi,
Sometimes we find that "the spirit is willing, but the body is weak." Other times the stuff we read about our dear country gets so depressing the urge to even hurl invectives simply escapes!
Kwesi Atta Sakyi 10 years ago
Uncle Ebo, thanks for your nice rejoinder. You and PKM have made my day.
Uncle Ebo, thanks for your nice rejoinder. You and PKM have made my day.
Cousin, Greetings of the highest order.
Good poem, as usual. Better than the incomprehensible word chant that pass for poetry on these boards.
Here goes my critical wand:
The last three stanzas of your second verse a ...
read full comment
Welcome Cousin. My workload is challenging me. Any ideas how I can manage myself and do the little things I like doing, such as writing? Very soon I shall quit this horrible teaching job which is at its 43rd year. Saaalute!
Good one Kwesi,
Sometimes we find that "the spirit is willing, but the body is weak." Other times the stuff we read about our dear country gets so depressing the urge to even hurl invectives simply escapes!
Uncle Ebo, thanks for your nice rejoinder. You and PKM have made my day.