Lifestyle: When I called police for my husband

In our last episode, we looked at life in diaspora, how difficult it may sometimes be. Today, we will be discussing the benefits of living abroad as an immigrant woman. Living abroad, whether here in the US or any other part of these developed countries has its advantages. Our focus though is here in America. What are some of the benefits of the Nigerian woman living here especially the married ones?

Women are very important here in the United States. They actually come next after children and there are welfare programs specially designed to aid immigrant women. These welfare programs include cash assistance, healthcare and medical provisions, food assistance, housing subsidies, energy and utilities subsidies, education and childcare assistance provided by the Government especially to low income earners.

A Nigerian woman living in Boston, Mrs. Offiong, who is a social worker, said that there are several advantages for a woman living abroad. In a society like this, there is barely any place for men in order of priority, after children come, women. As a legal migrant, these could range from social welfare packages, child care protection and so much more.

Mrs. Offiong who has been here for over eight years says, as a matter of fact, she enjoyed some of these benefits herself when she was still a low-income earner and her husband was not doing so well but she is no longer entitled to any of those because their income has grown higher over the years.

She says another advantage here for women is in the case of divorce. Back home in Nigeria, if a marriage is not working, the husband throws you out of the house. Most women end up going back to their family homes, some with nowhere to go.

After putting in so much to make a marriage work, time, effort, children and even MONEY. What happens? Everything she has worked for goes down the drain. Another woman comes in to reap from where she did not sow. Some men even abandon the kids, she has to look for her way to cater for them herself.

She says another advantage here for women is in the case of divorce. Back home in Nigeria, if a marriage is not working, the husband throws you out of the house. Most women end up going back to their family homes, some with nowhere to go. After putting in so much to make a marriage work, time, effort, children and even MONEY. What happens? Everything she has worked for goes down the drain. Another woman comes in to reap from where she did not sow. Some men even abandon the kids, she has to look for her way to cater for them herself.

Over here, the reverse is the case. It is the man that leaves the house. And he would have to share everything he has equally with you. What about child support? Oh Yes, if there are kids he will do his part or legal action will be taken against him. So, you see that the immigrant women have a lot going on for them here.

Mrs Adetunji’s perspective to this was quite interesting. She says, “I enjoy living here because over here, women have a lot of power, the law backs them a lot. The men here don’t have the luxury of cheating on their spouses, unlike back home in Nigeria, where a man can boldly flaunt his infidelity to your face and nothing will happen. He might even have the audacity to bring his mistress home to his matrimonial bed. But over here, they cannot try that.

“Once you’re caught cheating on your spouse, a legal action may be taken against you. By law the woman (wife) is entitled to half of everything you have got. As a man, you will pay through your nose just to support her and the children. Men here find it hard to cheat, I am not saying they are all faithful but I think the ones that do, are very discreet. They would not want to lose all they’ve worked for just for a few moments of pleasure. Yeah! That’s how powerful women are here.

“Another very important point is the case of Domestic Violence, here it is properly addressed. I had an experience when we just moved here in 2002. My Husband and I had an argument and as usual He resorted to using his fist like he did back home. After beating me up, he went to sleep, leaving me with bruises and in pain.

“I asked my 10-year-old son to call the Cops. At first, he thought it was a joke when he was told the police were downstairs. He kept shouting in our dialect. Sola, you called the cops for me…? That actually got him into more trouble. He was taken away. I was later asked if I wanted to press charges. I said no, but he should be kept away from me and the kids for now. My Husband stayed away for two months and we eventually reconciled. He has NEVER raised his hands on me again till date.

“Another benefit women enjoy is having your spouse assist at home with the home chores. Yes, it is important. Back home, most men don’t care. They leave you to handle everything, work, the kids, food. Here as a man, you are compelled to assist especially if your wife works. He will assist in getting the kids ready for school, he will assist in fixing meals and all that. Here, you don’t wait for your wife to return from work and come fix dinner for you when you are already home long before her. Although women who do not work still have time to do all that but in this economy, you need both incomes to sustain the family, so most partners work. Some even keep two or more jobs.

While staying abroad as an immigrant woman has its challenges, the benefits tend to ease the difficulties and make life worth living. At home the woman is saddled with so many responsibilities and some still end up getting abused, disrespected and maltreated. While dealing with the emotional trauma of infidelity some men take their partners through those living in diaspora seem to be having it better in so many ways.