HATE IT OR LOVE IT (the relationship between love and football)

I was on my way to Cape Coast on Sunday. And as always, I was thinking about football. Thinking about what could have been, with the title race in Italy, Spain and England all but wrapped up. Funny the way things turn out in life. At one point on Saturday, the title race in England was as wide open as (and believe you me I did try hard to find another simile) Amina of Sarbah Hall fame’s legs. Then it was firmly shut close as quickly as Ya-Na Andani’s case. Isn’t it ironic also that the Great Achilles’ (Mourinho) 9 year unbeaten home record was to be bumped off by a lowly, less of a warrior in Paris (Sporting Gijon) when all the Hectors and the great Generals of Troy had failed? So with all that running through my mind, I figured it would be perfect timing to give Time on the Couch disciples some few guidelines to help them on their way. Especially as we prepare to usher in the bumper and orgasmic period of football delights in the Uefa Champions League. Now if you reading this piece because of the title, too bad. I lied! Because you see, there is absolutely no relationship between love and football. In my opinion the word “love” only goes as far as describing how we feel about the beautiful game. That’s just about it, nothing more. Football and any romantic relationship almost always cannot co-exist. Well unless you have for yourself a girlfriend who likes football. Then my brother, I would say you are one lucky son of a… If you are a lady however and your guy doesn’t like football, he is definitely not right for you, you should dump him. So I figured most of you ladies may a little disappointed but don’t stop reading just yet. You might want to stick around just to find out what I think.

LAW 1 Other than the Almighty, you must love football, with all your heart and mind. Again I have said it here before that, yes, we may love our wives, girlfriends, but we love football more. So it is football first, wives/girlfriends/family second…etc in that order. Of course with God being the Ultimate. Nigerian movies and Telenovelas are taboos mind you.

LAW 2 You shall not engage in a football debate with one who does not appreciate the ‘sacred’ art of THE SPORT. In fact I dare say football is more than a sport. Just haven’t figured out yet where to place it (open to suggestions any ways.) And am not afraid to say it, am talking about those females who only think about weave-ons and long nails etc. if you are a guy and you enjoy playing video games (even if its football) more than watching or playing the real thing, you should check yourself.

LAW 3 You shall seek to spread the word by putting football first (as already established) above all things, that they may watch and learn your good ways. Again, emphasizing that God is very much above all things.

LAW 4 You shall watch all the big games live and at least two more times afterwards especially when it is your team that wins. Three or four more times is even better. It only means that you are in the good books.

LAW 5 We hate above all boys who won’t sit down and watch the game with us but will rather be indoors doing some useless stuff only to chip in from time to time asking who is playing and who isn’t. Even worse is when they ask “he dey force?” Come on, sit down! Be a bloke for once and watch with us.

I’d bring you the rest tomorrow, before the big one, Chelsea – Manchester United. But I’d like to hear from you, Madrid – Tottenham. Plus you can certainly weigh in on the laws as it is thus far. But beware, if you think this is chauvinistic, you should probably not read the next 5 laws. Though I would recommend these laws for every relationship (marital, mpena, aye fe nots3 etc), take it from me, it is a guaranteed success. It has worked for some people i know.