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LifeStyle of Sunday, 27 December 2020


Why I stopped going to church because of side chick

File Photo of a sad man File Photo of a sad man

Fafa came into my life when I was married. Ours wasn’t about, “I would have married you if I found you earlier.” From the word go, I told her she can’t come between me and my wife and I would not do anything to jeopardize my marriage. That much was clear right from the beginning and we both built consensus on that. I found her in church. She sings and I lead the youth fellowship. It was difficult trying to hide the affair from the knowledge of the church members but we did everything we could just not to appear like two people in love.

When Fafa needed anything, I was the one she came to. She was not working when I found her. I paid for her tuition so she could learn to become Event Manager. She had a degree but wanted something else to do. The event management didn’t go as planned. She wasn’t getting a lot of gigs and that made her relied heavily on me for everything. Where she lives currently, I paid the rent for her first two years there. Where she works currently, I told a friend to tell a friend so she could be picked. I’ve always done my part and she had always been there whenever I needed her.

At some point, she was all I could think of. I wake up in the morning and she was the first I would send a message to. If I don’t hear from her during the day, I get worried. I didn’t know how it all began, how my heart could sink so deep into the relationship. In the beginning, it was only transactional—I gave her what she wanted and she reciprocated. Then everything went overboard. I’d come to love her more than I thought I would ever do. In church I was all over her, something we both agreed that we were hiding. I didn’t care anymore. The only caution was to try not to make wifee get the hint.

When the choir was singing in church, she was all I could see and she was the only voice I could hear. It is true what they say; however short your lover is, she would be the tallest among the crowd. Your eyes would track her movement in the crowd, see her and never blink. That was exactly what was happening to me. Things started changing when I helped her get a job. She was being paid and that reduced her reliance on me. How often she called me reduced to almost nil. Anytime I sent her a message, it took so long before she responded. I didn’t complain. I made excuses on her behalf; “Maybe she is busy. Corporate life is like that. Always busy.” When she didn’t call for so long and I called her, I would say, “I know you’re busy that’s why you don’t call but it’s alright.”

Those changes in her should have given me the clearest indication that things were not the way it used to be. I started missing the days when she was not working. If I had my own way, I would have caused her to be sacked so she would start relying on me and have time for me. Anytime I called to see her, she would be giving me excuses. When I rented that place for her, she gave me a spare key so one evening after work, I called her and she told me she wouldn’t be home until late. I said to myself, “Let me surprise this girl. I would go into her house, open her room, and wait for her until she comes to meet me.”

I did. I was there until it was almost midnight. Then I heard footsteps approaching. Soon she placed in the key, turned the knob, and opened the door. Immediately she saw me, she jolted. There was a man behind her. The place was dark so I didn’t see his face very well. I said, “I thought you said you would be working till late. So it means you were out there chilling with a man.” The guy called my name, “Isaac. Isaac, it’s me.” I looked at him again and it was that friend whom I asked to help her get a job.

My heart. Fafa was standing still, not saying a word. I was standing there shaking with anger. I couldn’t say much and I couldn’t do much. I just walked away and left the two of them there. The next day, my friend called to apologize. He said, “I should have told you right from the start, forgive me.” I told him, “Don’t worry, it happens.” Fafa told him I was her father’s friend and she was left in my care that was why I was being overly protective.

That night when I got home, I couldn’t sleep. I was so pained. At some point, my wife tapped me and asked, “Why do you keep talking to yourself? Is anything the matter?” I answered, “Office issues, don’t worry.” For two days, I didn’t eat from the house. I faked doing fasting. Food didn’t taste well in my mouth. I was hungry but couldn’t eat. I thought of all I’d done for her only to go after someone I introduced her to. ‘How could she be this callous?”

My wife got worried. She thought I was going through some problems in the office. She even called some colleagues to ask them if there was something wrong at work. One dawn she woke me up and said, “Whatever you’re going through that you don’t want to tell me, let’s pray about it. God already knows your heart and would solve all your problems if you present it to him honestly.” I know too well not to say no to my wife when it comes to prayers. We both kneeled by the bed and she led the prayers. For close to an hour, we prayed and spoke in tongues for a problem that did not exist. When we finally slept, she put her hand on me and said, “You’ll get over it soon and the rest would be laughter.”

Thursday, Friday, Saturday, I was very fine. I was getting my appetite back. I had started talking and laughing with my wife. I hadn’t moved on completely but it was better. Sunday we went to church. Fafa opened the service with a solo. Then everything started—I started going through all the emotions again. Looking at her so beautiful and thinking of losing her at the time I needed her the most hit me to the core. And the fact that it was someone I know that came between us made the pain even worse. I couldn’t sit still. I faked stomach upset and went home.

Every Sunday when we went to church, everything started coming back to me all over again. I couldn’t sit to watch her and I couldn’t get my mind straight. At some point, I even called her on phone to apologize for being in her room at that time. I even apologized for catching her, can you imagine? Thinking she would reconsider for us to get back again. She told me in plain words that she had moved on so I should move on too. That hurt and to heal from the pain, I decided it’s better I don’t see her again. That means not going to church because if I do, I would continue seeing her and continue bleeding.

I stopped going to church to the dismay of my wife and everybody in the church. Everybody kept calling to ask why. All the while, I was only waiting for one call. I was only waiting for the day Fafa would call so I tell her she was the reason. But the call never came. And I never went back to that church again. If you close your eyes on the things that cause you pain, somehow, the pain goes down and down until it ceases to exist. As I write this, there is no more pain because there’s no more seeing her every Sunday.