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LifeStyle of Sunday, 23 February 2020


How to handle a breakup so well that it will hurt those who broke up with you

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Everything comes to an end someday but when we love, when we are in love, we expect love to last forever. We give our all to whom we love and believe they should love us too, we invest our time to make things work. We see no other, love no other and our hearts are committed to no other but this one person we believe makes us whole. But then, sometimes things don’t happen the way we wanted them to and just by a twist of fate or moment, the person we are in love with calls it quit.

Our world seems to take a twirl and all of a sudden we feel we are caught up in a whirlwind that’s strong enough to break us to pieces. Break up has never been easy in the hearts of people who truly loved and expected nothing but to be loved back. Feelings of rejection and pains go on for days and our thoughts go wondering. We asked all the questions but answers hardly come; “where did I go wrong?”

But no matter the hurt, you have to move on at some point. You have to put all behind you and live life once again. It’s not easy but following these steps can help you get back on your feet again and be the person you once were without all the troubles of a broken dream.

#1.Give yourself the chance to feel the hurt

It hurts and sometimes feels like your heart is being ripped off your chest. This is not the time to prove how strong you are by resisting the pain. The more you resist the pain the harder it becomes for you to let go. Realize the pain and give yourself permission to feel it. Cry if you want to. Scream if you want to throw whatever you feel like throwing around. Get the hurt off your heart by creating a tunnel for it to find its escape route. Feel the hurt but don’t make the one who left you see it. Slowly, as times pass, it will drain all the hurt from your heart and very soon, you’ll talk about it with a smiling face.

#2. Don’t try to get back together

At this point, you are very vulnerable. You’ll try looking for something to lean on and just anything will do, even a straw. The urge to get back to him/her becomes very strong because you are lonely and hurting. Usually, you would want to prove to yourself that whoever left you made a mistake and it’s up to you to make them realize their mistake. So you go on a crusade to get what’s yours back. Such behavior does you no good but pushes your healing farther. As far as you stick around trying to get him/her back you’ll keep hurting. Stay away. Stay as far away as possible and do everything that will help you forget about him. Stop nosing around their social media handles, if you care for a quicker healing, block them.

#3. Seek support

It hurts and sometimes feels like your world has come to an end. Don’t go through the pain all alone. Talk to someone. Talk to a friend who understands your situation. Avoid people who will be judgmental and accuse you of being a crybaby. You don’t need bad vibes and negative energy at this point. Stick to people who will offer positive support and help you transition from the hurt to healing again.

#4. Put the phone away

Don’t call him/her. Don’t call him/her I say. Resist the urge. Just put the phone down and concentrate on bringing yourself back healing. When you call them, you open yourself up for them to exploit your situation. You give them the clue that you can’t live your life without them and ask them to have pity on you and love you back. You want to be loved truly and wholly and not out of pity. Don’t call crying to them. Don’t assume you can be friends just after a breakup and be the one to initiate that friendship. Be a person who has self-love and let him/her go. Don’t text him/her. Stop looking at the photos you both took on your phone. Delete all that and even messages you exchanged while together. It sets your heart up for a new beginning.

#5. Take Care of yourself

The best revenge you could give to the one who got away is to take good care of yourself. Don’t give them the chance to think they made a good decision of letting you go by appearing unkempt and miserable. Be the beautiful girl he fell for and would want to get back to. Be that guy. Hit the gym. Eat well, have a lot of sleep and put yourself in better shape. Taking good care of yourself brings back the focus to yourself and helps you to forget the hurt. It also helps to put you in a better shape to be seen by someone else. You know what I mean?

#6. Heal before the next one comes Loneliness usually pushes people into a relationship they later regret. When you are lonely, anything that promises to take you out of your loneliness looks good. But here is the deal, when you go into a relationship with a broken heart, you don’t necessarily heal. You only sweep the hurt under the carpet and postpone your healing. Very soon, you’ll carry the hurt from the old relationship to the new one. You’ll begin to assess situations of the new relationship through the filter of the old one. Things will come cracking up and you might ruin a good relationship with the ghost of the old. Heal completely before you embark on a new relationship. In case someone comes along while you the hurt is still fresh, let them know your situation and ask them to give you time and space to heal completely. No need to rush. The world isn’t going away. Not anytime soon.

#7. Love yourself more than ever

It’s in some of us to take the blame when things go bad. When people we love leave us, we judge ourselves and think we were the bad ones. We believed they left us because we were not good and deserving of good things. We let ourselves go through the mill of self-hatred until there is nothing more to salvage. Dear, it’s not you who did the wrong. Move on and give yourself some love. Love yourself to want good things to happen in your life. Give the best of treatment to yourself, that way; people who come into your life would have no option to love you. If they can’t love what you love, they have no business in your life.