Dear GhanaWeb,

I’m a 41-year-old man and have been married for four years. I serve as a pastor in a respected church here in Accra.

My wife and I don’t have children yet, she said she’s not ready, and because I love her, I chose to respect her decision and wait.

During the first year of our marriage, everything was fine. We were happy together, and I did my best to ensure she lacked nothing emotionally, spiritually, or materially.

Despite her being a pastor’s wife, I allowed her the freedom to live her life fully. She traveled often, and I supported her choices.

However, things began to change about three years ago.

Although she still performs her duties at home, cooking, cleaning, and managing our household, she completely withdrew from me intimately. For the past three years, we’ve not had any form of sexual intimacy.

I’ve asked her countless times if something is wrong, but she always says it’s nothing. Sometimes she claims she’s just not in the mood, but how can someone not be in the mood for three straight years?

As a pastor, I’ve tried to carry this burden in silence. There are places I can't go and things I shouldn't do because of my position. I’ve prayed about it and tried to be patient, but the emotional and physical toll became overwhelming.

A few months ago, I met a lady who had heard about my ministry and eventually joined my church. She approached me after a service and asked for my number.

I didn’t think much of it and gave it to her.

She started calling and texting regularly, expressing interest in me. I told her clearly that I was married and not interested in any relationship outside my marriage. But she persisted and eventually invited me over for dinner. I went, thinking it was harmless.

After dinner, she changed into a revealing outfit. I was caught off guard. I had been starved of intimacy for so long that I gave in. We ended up sleeping together.

I went home feeling ashamed but also strangely relieved, I hadn’t realized how much I had been holding in.

Since then, I’ve cut off communication with her. I know what I did was wrong. I broke my vows. And although my wife has withheld intimacy for reasons I still don’t understand, she has been a good wife in other areas. She keeps our home and stands by me publicly.

Now I am at a crossroads.

Was I wrong to cheat?

I feel deeply guilty and want to do the right thing. As a Christian, and more so as a pastor, I’m thinking about confessing to my wife. But I don’t know how she will take it.

Would she forgive me? Should I confess or keep it to myself and focus on fixing my marriage?

I’m seeking honest advice. What should I do now?


FG/EB


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