Speech to Newly-Married Couple-Mundia Munalula & Thelma Yaya Ativor on 27th July 2014 at ZAF Officers’ Mess, Chamba Valley, Lusaka


Keywords: Trust, Surrender, Fidelity, Communication, Patience, Longsuffering, Sharing, Support, Caring, Love, Diligence

Biblical Anecdotes: Adam and Eve, Dinah and Brothers, Lot and wife, Miracle at Cana Wedding, Man as head of family.

The Guest of Honour, the newly-wedded couple, the MC, Ladies and Gentlemen,
It is my greatest pleasure to be speaking on behalf of the Ghanaian community in Zambia at this colourful wedding. Yesterday, Saturday, I was at this same venue to witness another blissful wedding between Abigail Assilidjoeh and Mwawa Silupumbwe, another tying of the knot between a Ghanaian and a Zambian. These international weddings go a long way to concretise the solidarity between Ghana and Zambia, and to enliven the vision of our founding fathers of the African Union, formerly the OAU. Long live the AU, Long live the fraternal bond between Ghana and Zambia.

It is sometimes very dicey and preposterous to counsel married couples because no two marriages are the same, as each marriage is unique. Marriage is a sacred institution made in heaven but implemented and consummated on earth to the glory of God. We all are familiar with the biblical story of creation and Adam in Genesis 2:18-24), how God saw man to be lonely, caused him to fall into a deep sleep, and fashioned woman from one of his ribs, to which when he awoke and saw her, said, this is bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh. This should make you realise that you the couple here are now one flesh and as such, you should never do anything which will injure, hurt or cause pain to each other. You should have empathy.
You should consider your ways and be wise as the ant, says the holy tome in Proverbs. In Genesis1: 1-26, we learn the lesson of temptation which teaches the man to be responsible and not to pass the buck or shift blame. Both of you should plan together and consult each other in all matters.

Genesis 19: 1-29 tells the story of Lot and the people of Sodom and Gomorrah. Lot’s wife looked back when they were fleeing from the condemned cities. She turned into a pillar of salt because she was full of greed and lust, and disobeyed God’s commandment not to look back. She was materialistic and she rued the loss of her property. The moral lesson for you here is not to look back on your past life because the past is gone. You are on a new page today on which you must write your script together. Another lesson for you in this moral is not to be lustful and materialist like Lot’s wife, but to be obedient and less materialistic. Obey the Lord’s word always and practise it always for your blessings. Seek His guidance in all your endeavours.

This requires 24/7 continuous communication with God, and 3600 all-channel flow of communication with each other, namely, body language, gestures, sign language, silent communication, sms, skype, whatsapp, email, cell phone etc. Let the communication flow be incessant and unceasing.
Be faithful to each other like the fish eagle which has only one partner for life. For, we say at the wedding altar (Mizpah or watchpost or witness in the bible), ‘for better for worse, for richer or poorer, till death do us part’. The ring you put on each other’s finger is the covenant seal or Mizpah or witness both in your absence and in your presence.( Genesis 31: 43-50) The secret of enduring marriage is love, unconditional love. If you have love and respect for each other, you can overcome all obstacles in the journey of life. Never desert each other in times of adversity, for, life has ups and downs and neither adversity nor happiness last for ever. 1 John 17 states, And the world and its desires are passing away, but those who do the will of God live forever.
1 John 4: 7-12 says, Beloved, let us love one another, because love is from God; everyone who loves is born of God and knows God…….. if we love one another, God lives in us, and his love is perfected in us.’

Trust each other and have no room for suspicion. Do everything in good faith, for your prosperity and growth. Never succumb to funny tales and gossips from friends and sometimes from relatives, some of whom have sinister agenda to rock your boat. Cling to each other like clams and you will sail smoothly over the storms as Jesus did when he rebuked and calmed the storm on the Sea of Galilee. Read your bible and pray together always because with the word of God as your foundation, you will be established on solid rock. Let Jesus be beside you and He will calm all your storms.

The story is told of the hare and his son who decided to take a trip to go and sell their commercial ware. On the way, they met the Leopard who enquired of their mission and pleaded to be allowed to join the band. Hare’s son was terrified and nudged his father to refuse the request. His dad intoned, ‘ My son, never fear, for all terrible things shall soon pass away, and peace shall reign thereafter.’ They met the Lion, the King Anaconda, and lastly the Hyena. As they journeyed along into several villages, conflicts and petty jealousies brewed among them. Not long after, the Hyena picked a quarrel with the Leopard. The fierce brawl which ensued ended with the Leopard badly mauling and slaying the Hyena. It was one trouble less. Later, the Lion had a tiff with the Leopard, and the Leopard was killed by Lion. It then remained the Lion and King Anaconda to be sorted out. After a while, King Anaconda complained that Lion had stepped on its tail. In their wrestling match, Lion was no match as it was strangled and bitten to death by King Anaconda. When they reached a big lake, hare persuaded King Anaconda to hide in a big pot or else the men who were to ferry them across would refuse to do so. He obliged and they put a heavy lid on it. Quickly, hare and son gathered dry twigs and set the pot on fire. Then hare told the son that nothing dreadful lasts forever. This story tells you to trust in each other to overcome obstacles because with such powerful conjugal union, you create a synergy which is a strong shield of protection.
The first miracle performed by Jesus was the turning of water into wine at Cana where there was a wedding (John 2: 1-11). This tells us that wedding is of prime importance because it is a union to create new souls and unions. Marriage is one of the greatest secrets and miracles of life. The wine at Cana symbolised maturing of love, for fermented wine matures and becomes strong for enjoying. The bible advises us against excesses in life. Neither of you should be a drunkard, for the bible says wine is a mocker, and nobles and kings should not drink or else they pervert justice and give wrong judgement.
The story of Dinah (Gen. 34:1-31), sister of the twelve patriarchs, who was raped by the Philistines is instructive. It tells us always to stand on ceremony with our sweetheart and do what is right. The brothers of Dinah tricked those who profaned their sister by telling them to circumcise before getting Dinah to marry. When they did so, they became vulnerable and Dinah’s brothers avenged their sister’s rape and slaughtered Hamor, his son Shechem, and all males in their households.
Marriage is a journey of exploration and discovery. It is like a tapestry or piece of artwork on the sands of time which is painted by two people. All masterpieces require patience, longsuffering, diligence, support and sharing ideas. I am sure this is true of the masters such as Anatsui, Kofi Antobam, Picasso, Michaelangelo, Rembrandt, Raphael, Leonardo da Vinci, Sir Christopher Wren, among others.
Surrender to each other with respect and dignity. Above all, cultivate good habits of cleanliness, hard work, and ability to listen more than talking because someone observed that God gave us two ears to listen more and one mouth to talk less.
As you come from different countries and thus you are multicultural, there will be challenges of cultural clash and conflict, but with love, tolerance, and adaptation you will overcome. Visit each other’s country, get to know your in-laws and bond with them. Learn to eat their food, wear their clothes and attend their cultural ceremonies. Learn their language and integrate fast. Respect each other’s culture.
You the woman, have role models such as Hannah, Sarah, Ruth, and Esther in the bible. For you the man, there are many role models such as Joseph, Job, David, Daniel, Paul and Peter in the bible. We have Mandela also on the secular side.
Extended family members should be treated courteously but they should not be allowed to interfere in your marriage. You two, make your own joint independent decisions. Remember, this marriage is not about you two only because you are not islands. Be diplomatic and have a balance in your relationship with your extended family. Do what you can for them but there should be a limit. Help your parents and siblings and make them happy, but not too much at your own discomfort.
You can have joint bank account, but this is very tricky so if possible, avoid it because it can bring many troubles. Be transparent with your finances and let your spouse know your financial position so you can both plan better and not suspect each other..
Above all, do not look back into your past like Lot’s wife did. Look ahead and be optimistic.
May you be fruitful and multiply as God commanded in the beginning.
Thank you.

By Kwesi Atta Sakyi
Email: kwesiattasakyi449@gmail.com
(Here are some of my poems to inspire you)

Temptations of Daughters of Eve

Zambian damsels,
Venuses of vintage African women
In beauty and charm they stand tall
It requires a philosopher king and an angel
A great deal of restraint not to fall
To the wicked temptations
Of these daughters of Eve
No wonder rape is galore,
But take note not to make them whores

For, your act of rape is not part of our lore
Nor your patronising of brothels one of our mores
Rather appeal to your better self
And put your good manners to the fore
Before you fall,
In all my travels and travails,
Never saw a treasure trove of African beauty
Awash in this Garden of Eden,
In this Noah’s ark of Zambia,
In the beautiful and picturesque
Sunshine land of Zambia,
Zambia here we come

Welcome
Mwaiseni mukwai
Here we come, Zambia
Seductive smiles of the ladies
(Never mind having flights of fancy of sexual orgies)
Erotic paroxysms of dancers
Electrocuted in mid-section
Unbelievable gyrations of the waist
Can make you salivate in your pants


And sure you can rant,
Wondering what bedroom secrets lie untold
Except the overt and public display
Of waist gyrations in traditional dances
Which you now behold
Brave yourself,
Makishi masquerade dancers on fire,
Serenje kalindula on the loose
Amayenge dance ensemble sock
It out to the high heavens -
Caterpillar, caterpillar, caterpillar!
Hey, welcome to earthquake dances
Mind the sod on which you stand
You could be swept off your feet
And instantly transported into a
Mental world of orgies, obscenities
And debauchery -
Wait a minute,
Don’t think from your waist downwards
You may be standing on quicksand
Or else you will get sucked into the
Inferno by the bewitching lady temptresses
Hold your firepower,
Arrested midstream in your daydream?

Flow with the stream
They are full of breams

Big and delicious breams they are
In this unforgettable land of the Zambezi
Make a date or you will be late
Come with your mate
To behold heaven’s gate
At the Mosi O Tunya
Where angels took flight
On beholding the majestic sight
Of the mighty Mosi O Tunya -
The Victoria falls!




The Geography of Love
Your grace and poise overwhelms me like a tsunami
Your lambent eyes flicker like hurricane lamps
In the throes of a tropical storm or line squall
Your breasts bob and heave
Like beacons on the waves of the Atlantic
At Takoradi Harbour
Your behinds are like the drumlins left
Behind by glaciations
Or like mammary hills of Oblongo and Ningo near Accra
Your serrated neck like yardang corridors
Through which the unseen wind blasts
Your slender arms like the Nile snaking
Its way north over the Sudd region in Southern Sudan
Your navel like an oasis in the Libyan Desert
Your thighs like giant timber trees in the
Thick tropical forest of Sierra Leone, Liberia,
Cameroun and Congo DR,
The gap in your front teeth like a
Ravine in the Rift Valley of East Africa
Or like the gaping gorge at the mighty Victoria
Falls in Zambia
The crown of your head like the
Umbrella-shaped acacia tree tops of the Savannah
The hair on your cunt like the
Tall leafy green elephant grass of the
Niger-bend swamps of Timbuctoo in the rainy season
Your lips curve like the ox-bow lakes
And meanders of the Nile in its lower
Lacustrine/riverine course
Again, your lips are like the recumbent
Folds on the Atlas and Drakensberg Mountains
Your fingers fan out like distributaries
Of the Niger Delta
The ebbs and flows of your breathing
Are like the breakers at Krokrobite Beach near Accra,
When you utter a word,
It has the resonance of a simoon on the Sahara Desert
The colour of your skin
Is a cross between the grayish gigantic
Granite tors
And the dark-brown jagged shales on the shores
Of Kromantse in Central Region of Ghana
Your square slender shoulders like the
Table Mountain towering over Cape Town
Your legs are like the massive columns
Of the valley of the Pharaohs in Abu Simbel
On the Nile in Luxor, Egypt
Your feminine figure is crafted like
An earlier version of a Motorola cell phone
Or like the guitar,
Or like one of the ornately carved wooden
Statuettes made by the master woodcarvers
In Livingstone in Zambia,
Your eyelashes and eyelids are like
Sweeps of crescent-shaped barkhans on the Sahara Desert
Your smile is like the dreamy and
Pleasant Athii Plains near Nairobi in Kenya
Your shapely legs converge at your torso
Like the confluence of the Niger and
Benue at Lokoja in Nigeria
The Sweetness of your lips like honey
Or local jam on tea bread from Nsawam in Ghana
Your nostrils like the entrances to the
Caves at Abrobiano in Komenda, Central Ghana
Your tummy as flat as the Okavango Pan in
Botswana
When you walk past, it is like an
Ostrich inspecting a guard of honour in
Windhoek, Namibia
Or like the wildbeest and gazelles strutting
Past on their annual migration on the Masai
Mara in Kenya

When in flight, your canter is like the
Zebra on the run, pursued by the carnivores,
When the setting sun casts your shadow on the ground
It is like the stilted masquerades
Doing their yuletide dance in Winneba, Central Ghana
Your whole body is a mosaic of love potions
When you dance, your arms and legs make
Intricate movements
Yeah, conveying silent messages of love in all directions
The message that you are ripe
You need the vibes from the guys and suitors
Yeah, they come forth with different
Guiles to woo your love,
Alas, most walk away nonplussed
And befuddled,
You ridicule them for their crass stupidity,
Oh, love, you are too hot for their wit
And I wonder who will solve this African conundrum of love



On your Wedding Day

Nuptial knots tied
Airtight,
No backward step to take,
Nor sideward glance to look
Nor false love make or fake
For things of the past have passed and gone
A new dawn is unfolding in your life
A bud is budding and sprouting,
Beautiful flowers in twain glitter
On the green grassy lawns they litter
Like butterflies they flitter,
Dancing and floating dreamily about in dreamland,
Honeysuckle, roses and flowers of diverse
Hues and sheen
Grace the honeymoon scene,
Pure and white their garments shrouded,
Wedding bells peal, replete with beat
Wedding bed wet with rivulets of sweat
Love kisses stringed with sweat beads
Bride and bridegroom spear
Each other with cupid arrows,
Cavorting, carousing and caressing
In joyous abandon,
Marriage feast festoons their feral-like festal fiefdom,
A world theirs and theirs alone to govern,
No government nor authority so wanton
Can their holy ramparts of love trespass
Unbending love, unending love, they are wont,
Till death do them part,
Love, like sweet music, play on
And ambrosia, food of the gods, feed


Virtues

In abundance store,
Virtues galore,
Yet the world’s core,
Rotten spore

Urbane manners, acquired taste,
Received wisdom in haste,
Instructed knowledge to waste,
Watery life, no paste

Humility in humble hubris, chain of higher virtues to string,
Faith, hope and charity, enough to plough through life,
Upper virtues to wife-justice, fortitude, chastity, prudence
And temperance,
Then to toast success, abhorrence for tawdry taste








Angry African Woman

You came round to eat my yam
Then you came again to eat my nshima (maize pasta)
But today, you must prostrate
And pay homage
I have daubed my body with sweet-scented cocoa cream
I have smeared some parts with natural shea butter
And I have also dusted my pudendum with
Bint-el-Sudan talcum powder
For Friday evening special effect
On Saturday, I prefer scintillating aroma
Of Town Hall or Saturday Night talcum vintage,
Yes, I am ready for those who pay,
They get the password to the secret gate
They obtain discounts and a good bargain,
Good customer, call again


You came to suck succulent breasts
You came to steal sweet kisses
But today you must pay
Or else you will eat cold nshima
With maggot-infested bearded meat,
Net even cold matoke leftovers for you
If you want fresh hot sadza (nshima)
Or hot yummy pounded yam with
ogbono or egusi soup and bitter leaf
Stuffed with chunks of isi ewu (goat meat)
Or do you prefer ugali, joloff rice, jambalaya or couscous?
Then you must go on all fours
And pay really big,
Nshima and sadza are not for free
Nor is pounded yam or any of the African dishes,
In a credit crunch period
The naira is expensive to mint
Yet I’m reasonable enough to know
You don’t vomit cash
But understand, I have endless needs to
Keep the good sexy looks and be dapper,
Besides, I need insurance for old age
I run risk of female diseases
Like cervical cancer, obstetric
Fistula and cancer of the breast,
Just as you men suffer prostrate cancer
And urinary retention
I detest men with stingy arms
I abhor mean men with stony hearts
If you come again without a loaded purse
I shall incant on you a secret curse
I will crush your nostrils in bed
With my helluva surplus breasts
To cause asphyxia,
I will yank your silly willy from between your legs
I will dump your tuxedo, shoes and pants,
In the dirty running kitchen sink
Or into the dirty dish water in the nearby ditch
I’ll act like a proper witch and bitch
Then give you a forensic frisk over
When I’ve crooned you to a deep sleep
In your dead drunken stupor
Then you will trudge home half awake
Through the village
In your bare birthday suit
In the wee hours of a cold Monday morning

Indeed I hate yam eaters who don’t pay
Or who pay skimpingly
I scorn nshima swallowers who don’t stay
These are the Casanova candidates for castration
They behave like hit-and-run minibuses
That ply in the streets of Lusaka,
Or like the Okada and Molue mad drivers of Lagos
Or like the Trotro drivers in Kokomlemle in Accra,
Or like the Matatus in Kampala or Nairobi
They are all the same everywhere in Africa,
They are greedy money prostitutes
They cram the buses to the brim,
What a grim experience for commuters,
Hmm, life for prostitutes, commuters and bus
Drivers is always on a knife edge – slim

Hey fella, yam and nshima are staple foods
They must be eaten always fresh and hot,
If you come again and you don’t pay
I will chase you with a fufu pounding pestle
To inflict you a mortal wound
I will slosh you with a stinking week-old
Urine of mine specially brewed for the purpose
I will pepper-bomb your eyes with alligator chilli
I will put sand in your gari
I will hang a bell around your neck
To alert the village womenfolk,
Remember, sex doesn’t come cheap these days

Its price is directly proportional to inflation,
The economic crunch and the intensity
Of the sex drive waxing hot between your thighs,
In these age and time, stick to one woman,
One man, one nshima,
Multiple sex partners is costly and a nightmare,
It breeds wahala,
Sex maniacs and serial sexists,
Go home to roost,
One woman is more than enough for life,
Is that your bonafide wedded wife?
(From the book Mosi O Tunya Sounds 2009 by the author with a few modifications)