Letter From The President: ?Wee?-smoking champions

Countrymen and women, loyalists and opponents over the past two decades, our country has descended into sporting oblivion. We can?t beat the likes of Burkina Faso in football. In fact, tiny war-torn Rwanda can stand between us and qualification for the African Cup of Nations. We used to beat Senegal at every game but they made it to the most recent World Cup ? a feat we don?t seem capable of achieving in the next 20 years, even if we are placed in the same qualifying group as Mongolia, Laos and Tibet. Since FIFA exposed us for fielding 29-year-olds as Under-17 players, we?ve not gotten anywhere near winning any of the age-restricted competitions.

Our descent from football glory has been legendary. But we are not doing well in other sporting disciplines either. Our boxing is in a mess. Since Azumah Nelson hanged his ?professorial? gloves, none of our boxers has made it in the international arena. Those who have tried to win international titles have been so mercilessly battered that most of them do not want to try again.