Feature Article of Wednesday, 30 May 2012
Columnist: Kyei-Mensah-Osei, Kofi
Making a Happy Home: Some Basic Facts The Ghanaian Man Tends to Ignore
I have decided to veer off politics today into a new field. I am product of a good home and my late father and mother never divorced. I am very proud of that and that’s why I feel disgusted by the number of broken marriages and the concomitant negative impact it has on the innocent children from that relationship. I know that sometimes, circumstances pertaining in a certain home might make it preferable to have the family broken up some how. I do concede that a greater majority of men if not all, seek to make a happy home. They aspire to make their woman and children happy and create a model home. However, it is equally true that a greater majority of these men, in spite of their good intentions still fail in their endeavour due to a variety of reasons. A lot of them fail not for lack of effort but rather because they did not do the basic things right. Many Ghanaian men focus on making the money to look after their families which is good. The sad truth though is, in as much as money brings a modicum of ‘satisfaction’ in the home yet, it would not necessarily bring happiness. The bottom line is, one cannot purchase ‘happiness’ with money nor substitute it with same.
This is just a reminder to men in all shapes of life to remember the basic responsibilities if their desire to make a happy home would be achieved. It is good for the Christian, Muslim or even the atheist to practice their belief in their families if that is what they choose to do but it is equally imperative to bear in mind that they also have to practice the basics just like everybody else. To make a happy home, methinks the following 3 groups of people should be considered at all times and they should have their fair share of the money, care and attention. These are the children, wife/partner/girlfriend and self.
Ordinarily, the average Ghanaian man will leave the upbringing of the children in the care of the woman. This is so wrong! If for whatever reason the woman happens to be at home, then she would automatically assume that responsibility whilst the man is away working. However, that does not mean that the man’s role becomes irrelevant in that respect. As a father, you owe your child/children the onerous task of being the provider of their needs as well as supporting them to develop an emotional balance. A man owes this godly duty to his child/children and no excuse is plausible. The children will call you a ‘good’ father or ‘bad’ one especially if the man is found wanting in this regard.
How do we do this?
-Shower them with love
-Provide them with as much of their needs as you possibly can afford
-Spend time to play with them-Take them for walks, jogging; this is how children bond with their fathers
-Read with them-Help them with their homework. This builds confidence and belief in you as they feel their father “knows it all” and will always be there for them
-Read them bedtime stories-This will leave your memory in their minds even as they doze off
-Hug and kiss them good night
-Buy them presents/surprises every now and then-The element of surprise shows them daddy is always thinking about them and that you could anticipate their needs without them having to worry about them.
-Most importantly, learn to tell them: ‘I love you’-Everyone wants to hear those 3 most famous words but children actually love them more. It makes them know that they are very important.
-The list is non-exhaustive but the above are very important
Responsibilities towards the Woman:
To make your home a happy one, it is important for the man to remember that the woman is the fulcrum around whom everything revolves. When the woman in the house is happy, the radiance of it reflects on the children, the man and even pets. The man should give utmost respect to the woman as his equal partner who is equally wise, capable and able in all departments of life. In a typical Ghanaian home, the woman does a lot of chores in the house and gets emotionally drained and tired. It is important for the man to understand this and let the woman know that you are conscious of all the hard work she does in the house: even so if she also happens to be a professional.
It is imperative to say that most of the recommended for men to do with their children above equally apply to our women (see above). Unfortunately, this is an area the Ghanaian man is most guilty of ignoring. We tend to take our women for granted. The average Ghanaian man would find a number of reasons to ignore doing the basic things with his woman. Interestingly, same men trip over to do those same things with their secretaries and the woman next door. When same man was trying to win the woman’s love, he was very romantic but as soon as he got her, he conveniently forgot some of the basic things he used to do. Men should bear the following in mind if we wish to keep a happy home.
i. Some Basic Acts of love to the woman
-Make provision for her needs as much as you possibly can
-Take interest in her appearance making financial commitment towards what she wears
-Surprise her with gifts-No matter how small
-Do all the basic things together-cooking, washing dishes, ironing, bathing the children
-Where possible, contribute towards upkeep of her parents
Also, some of the most important pillars of renewing love to your woman and keeping a happy home is through flirting and good sex. Nine out of ten Ghanaian women may not complain if they were not satisfied in bed but a caring man need not worry about this all important tasks if he does all the basic things right. Start right and you would certainly end right with the desired result. Flirting plays a very important role in love and happy home. It makes the woman feel she is secure and the centre of your emotional attention.
ii. How do you flirt with your woman?
To make the flirting with your partner lovely and enjoyable, consider the following points:
-By paying her complements- (You are sweet darling; you look sexy in that dress; the dress you are wearing makes me want to take you to bed right now etc)
-Touching (boobs, bottom etc. If you touch her discreetly, it brings the teenager in her. Don’t forget that a woman’s body is like a keyboard. If you touch her passionately it would ignite the fire in her)
-Hugging-Do so with desire and intense longing
-Holding hands-Lights up desire
-Kissing-Not only behind closed doors please!!
-Staring-Makes the woman realise how much you adore her (Again the list is endless but the above are very important)
-It is also important to spend time in conversation with your woman, help her in the kitchen, watch her favourite TV programmes with her even if it’s boring etc
Flirting with your woman must be an everyday thing at anytime and anywhere.
This is probably the most important assignment of any man in a relationship but unfortunately, a lot of Ghanaian men tend to focus on themselves during the act and are selfishly quick to come and leave the woman in the woods. Granted that the average Ghanaian woman wouldn’t complain yet it does not mean they should be denied the right to enjoy the best sex their men could offer. The man should bear in mind that sex is a joint venture which should profit and satisfy both partners equally when it has ended. If it’s got to be done, then it must done very well! Women read, watch lots of soaps and above all share with their friends. Often times, they share their joys and bitterness with their intimate friends/confidantes. Yes, it is good and romantic to buy her all the presents on her birthdays and other occasions but believe me the sex is got to be good and enjoyable and that’s non-negotiable!
How do you make sex good and enjoyable for the woman?
If the sex is got to be good, the following points and others not here mentioned must be considered.
-Don’t focus on self. Your focus should be to satisfy your woman. Remember her aim is to do just that for you as well.
-Men should bear in mind that sex is not a sprint but a marathon
-Indulge in a lot of foreplays. As many types as you know of and most importantly, the ones you know tickle your woman’s fancy (kissing, gently rubbing her nipples, run hands in her hair etc; I mean touch every spot on her body)
-Whilst engaging in foreplays, bear in mind that the woman’s body is your keyboard and should play it well to ignite the passionate desire in her. This helps a lot in identifying what I call ‘The Active Volcanic’ areas of your woman’s body. Do it well and wait for an eruption of volcanic passion
-You should not be in haste to insert
-Mixed up your positions (If your woman is breathless, it’s not a sign of satisfaction-check your weight!! enough of the missionary position!!) Remember positions go a long way to help bring satisfaction to your woman.
-It is important to do it as often as you both can
-Once again, I hasten to say that the list goes on and on
How do you evaluate your performance after sex?
-What did she say after the session? Thank you?
-Check her body language-Is she all smiley and happy?
-Is she sleepy or did she struggle to sleep?
-There’s nothing wrong in asking her how she felt about the act
It is important for men to bear the following in mind.
-Unfortunately for us, a greater majority of us tend to naturally lose our sexual drive/libido as we hit the 40 year old mark
-On the contrary, a woman’s libido increases from 40 years old. If you are that age, then you need to spend quality time on quality foreplay to ensure you meet her desire.
3. Look after yourself:
For the man to play all the above roles and play it well, we need to do a few basic things and do them well. It is true that a lot of aging issues cannot be reversed. However, it is important to note that you can slow down the dawning of some of these processes and their adverse effects in our lives. It is significant to take notice of the following and try to maintain the standard.
-How did you look when you first met your woman?
-How do you look now?
-How did you dress when you first met?
-How do you dress now?
-Do not dress anyhow because the woman of your dreams is in your life. Simply dress to suit her taste
Again, it is proven that up to 80% of erectile dysfunction may be due to physical causes. Then again, approximately 40% of men over the age of 40 suffer some degree of erectile problem. To keep yourself in good physical condition, try the following:
-Attend to household chores like vacuuming the house, push-ups, jogging, brisk walking, gym etc
-Keep the body trim and prime
-Eat well and healthily-balanced diet, fruits
-Avoid eating heavy meals and late hours
-Cut down drinking-Sorry guys but potbelly ain’t en-vogue no more
-Avoid fatty foods
-Bear in mind that you are as old as what you think you are.
Let us maintain our home and family values. Let’s us strive to maintain a happy home. As men, we should remember that we owe it a duty to our children, our wives, our God and ourselves to make and maintain a happy home. It is our pride, our legacy and our foot print before we go 6 feet under.