Opinions of Saturday, 22 July 2006
Columnist: Debrah, Joe Aboagye
This piece has been inspired by the daily announcements of names of people who have decided to run for the Presidency in 2008. Indeed, when I last checked, it seemed like the entire cabinet of President Kuffuor had put themselves up for his position, a clear two years before the man himself will exit. I have therefore proposed to some friends that it will save us a lot of money of we do not put individual names of the Cabinet up as candidates. I want to propose that the ballot box should read “The Cabinet”. In that case, we can guarantee that all of them will get a slice of whatever it is that is making them foist their friends’ on us a long way away from when the whistle blows for real action.
Okay, admit it. You have also been wondering what 'koraa' is there that is making all of them want that seat. I have wondered too. Friends of this, friends of that, enemies of who? I don’t really think I have got any convincing answers yet. All I know now is that there must be something fundamentally life-altering about that post. They make it seem like it is even better than accepting the Lord as your personal saviour. Oh, if you get that post, especially down south, where the announcement effectively truncates the citizen’s rights to question you, your destiny would change. If you don’t believe me, ask him! You will never, ever, be the same. Your wife, kids, friends, hangers on will never ever be the same. Even the stadium will be world-class. A gulf will immediately appear between you and poverty. Though no one holds control over life, you will guarantee yourself the best chance of living than any other citizen of the land and that goes for your family too. You and your family can go to the best hospitals in the world at our expense whilst we introduce new members of our society through the cold floors of Korle Bu. You are guaranteed free access to wherever you want to go, without the hassle of a visa, ticket, money palaver or even the traffic we get stuck in. The incentive is even accentuated by the fact that a spanking new palace is being built. Hei, if you don’t go for it now, daben?
So the NPP will have about 15 names. That will surely include Uncle Aliu, unless Ghana is not in Africa!!!! The NPP will settle for only one candidate as is the rule. I however predict that there is the potential for two or three disgruntled losers who would try to cause trouble. When you just think about what you are going to miss, well, there should be more than incentive to cause a few headaches for your party when you lose. Can you imagine missing out on a ticket to heaven?
Then there is the small question of the NDC. Well, the names have begun rolling in. They will get about eight names and settle for one. I really don’t expect too much wahala from their losers except for the temptation to check whether the ‘heavenly ticket’ will probably land close to the DFP. In that instance, expect, nay, don’t be surprised to see some make the transition. After all, there is only one way to heaven. If it is through DFP, why not? Then the others. Kofi Wayo and the rest will all give it a shot. Expect some diasporans to throw in their hats for good measure. The Presidency is the sweetest thing on offer down south. If you get it, Massa, you will never regret. You just ask him!
So sometimes I can’t help but tell my manager that I wan’ be President. Then I can become an “abodi fofro”, a.k.a. a new creature! I will try to solve some problems until I realize that no one really wants to solve the problems definitively. Then I lose my way and begin to enjoy the post. Mr. President! How sweet the name sounds! Anyone Ghanaian, whether in or out, whether legit or not, who tells you that they don’t want t5hat post is telling you a black lie!!! In Ghana, when you become President, we don’t hold you too much to your promises. You can then enjoy your post and attempt tackling some of the problems. Then you bugger off and let another person attempt top carry the cross!!!
My colleague in Zambia sent me an email when I begun having a discourse on this subject. It sets out the job specifications for the candidates for President. It’s so apt I have just re-jigged it a bit to suit our circumstances. I am offering it here as a guide to all the declared and potential candidates for President in 2008. If you meet the requirements, put in your application!