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Diasporia News of Wednesday, 29 December 2010

Source: Kwaku Azar@SIL

Are Overseas Marriages becoming a Hazard?

"for better or for worse, till death do us part."

Most people are justifiably shocked, outraged and confused by the senseless murders of two Africans in Kennesaw, Georgia. The suspected murderer is one Ntiamoah and the victims are his wife and her boy friend.

Why would anyone travel so far to improve his life only to waste his life and that of two others, assuming the allegation is true?

It is tempting but short sighted to focus on adultery and losing control when one finds his wife with another man. We must look for reasons elsewhere.

First, I think there are too many marriages that are not based on love at all. This is often because one of the parties lives overseas and is desperate for a partner. When that partner goes home, a relationship is formed and one is exported overseas, without allowing love, the glue of the relationship, to form.

Second, too many relationships are strained by familial demands. Rather than unite and act as one unit, spouses think of their relationship as an economic enterprise to fund their family problems at home. This does not work very well overseas and pulls the spouses apart.

Third, Ghanaians do not believe in counseling and allow anger to consume them. Often they cannot share their pains with even close friends. This approach in a society like USA will drive you over the edge.

Fourth, most people have no relaxation routine. It is work; fight at home; aggravation by demands from Ghana; and work again! Relax! Go on vacations. Even Ghanaweb forum (SIL), which should be a good place to relax, is taken too seriously by some who waste their time posting others' pictures, fighting over nothing, etc. Please relax!

Fifth, be sensitive and be nice to your spouses. How many of you bought a perfume or something for their spouses this holiday? If you did good for you. If you did not, shame on you! Buy him or her a little gift. It will make it a better year.

Sixth, if things are not working, get a divorce. Make reasonable settlements. I saw one case, where the spouses, both under 40, were worth over $5M and could not reach a sensible settlement. Why such greed? Bad family advice and utter disregard of their kids' interests.

Are Overseas Marriages becoming a Hazard?