Africa's long-distance love affairs

The numbers of Africans heading to make a better life away from the continent has raised the issue of how to make long-distance relationships work.

And the secret lies in a combination of trust, relaxation, and focusing the mind on other things, according to Ghanaian psychologist Dr James Davis.

"In the first instance, one may look at the length of time people are actually apart," Ghanaian psychologist Dr James Davis told BBC World Service's Africa Live! programme.

"If they are apart for a short time, I think they will recuperate. But when it is a long time, then there are problems."

Pressure

But Dr Davis added that it was important not to set too concrete an amount of time, as that would only lead to added problems.

"I'm not sure that one can put a definite time on it," he said.

"It depends on the strength of the bond that they have. It also depends on the trust element they have in the relationship."

"If one was to put a definite time on things, really it puts unnecessary pressure on individuals."

Contributors to Africa Live! placed emphasis on the trust aspect of their relationships, though conceded that too long apart put a great strain.

"I can tell you it has taken a rough toll on me," said Josh Mayo, who left Kenya to work in Holland and has seen his girlfriend once in one and a half years.

"We keep in touch by phone, by email and text messaging, but it's not enough."

In touch

Tunde Asaju who is in London on a scholarship while his wife of nine years remained in Nigeria, agreed.

"It's important to have a strong relationship," he said.

"There are those who say that absence makes the heart grow fonder, but for me I think face-to-face is better than a hundred letters."

"You can write letters, talk on the telephone, but after talking on the telephone you break down, because you are longing for that thought."

"You want somebody to talk to, you want somebody to get angry with.

Selfish arrangement

But Dr Davis was critical of some of the motivations behind long-distance relationships.

"I think it's essential for people to make decisions about how they are going to cope with the situation," he said.

"Tunde's might be a selfish arrangement - looking at what one can get for oneself - rather than the family unit."

Cecilia Mweu, who runs a telephone relationship counselling service, stressed it was important for both parties to accept the distance to begin to cope with it.

"We deal with it by counselling people, by helping them to come to terms with their condition," she said.

Cecilia herself got married to a man in London, but after they were separated she was never able to see him again before he sadly died.

Star couple

Michele Gaye, whose preparations for her marriage to husband Johnny were covered during Africa Live's groundbreaking week last July, has been alone again since the couple's honeymoon.

"He left me to go on a mission to South Korea. That was the last time I saw him," she said.

But Michele added that she remained entirely committed to him, stressing that she is never tempted when other men approach her.

"I say to them, 'I'm married, but I'm a sexy woman'."