Make honesty rewarding for your kids

In a study we conducted in September 2022 among pupils numbering 226 of Rockies International School at Tantra-Hill, to check issues about their social and academic development at home and school. Their ages were between 10 to 12 years and predominantly in Basic 4 to 6.

In response to the question: ‘When you do something wrong, are you able to confess to your parents, without fearing the consequences?’

Respondents were to give a YES/NO. If no, why?

Our finding startlingly revealed that 25% (i.e one [1] out of every four [4]) of the children, said No. The overwhelming reason for their answer [NO] was they get beating up or harshly dealt with.

So here we are, on one hand, we tell the children that it is important to be honest in all situations. However, our reaction doesn’t encourage them to be honest or sincere. Why don’t we adopt strategy of forgiving them on the bases of the honesty, no matter how wrong or grievous the offence they have committed may be.

With one action you would have taught two virtues first one forgiveness and second the value of honesty. Of course, the child may potentially try to abuse forgiveness due to their honesty, so you can decide not to forgive, occasionally, if you sense that is happening.

Giving them a spank or any harsh treatment all the time, after owning up to a fault or mistake make it less attractive to be honest for child. Let’s watch it!

This survey was in a private school, where parents are more likely to lenient towards their children, numbers of children who fear to be honest may be higher in public schools and deprived communities.

Honesty is key to success in this life and we must consciously act in ways that do give our children a mixed message about this fact. After all what will be the motivation to speak the truth at all times, if what I get after sticking with the truth is harsh treatment either physically or verbally. Discipline should be more corrective than punitive. We inadvertently give our kids the notion that, they rather lie their out of trouble, than own up or say the truth face the full rigours of the ‘law’.

Do you have a Home Timetable?

Responses to the above question give a result of 41% {i.e one [1] out of every two [2]} of the children did not have a Home Timetable. Paradoxically, it is parents with children in this age bracket who complain a lot about their kids lack of seriousness.

You have to guide them develop a learning routine and include playtime clearly spelt out. Note this is not school homework period, it should be home learning timetable at the Upper Primary Level it should be a minimum of One Hour 30 Minutes [1Hr 30Mins] daily.

If there is no routine guide they will play all day and/or idle about, but with a guide and intermittent incentives they are likely to cultivate this crucial habit. The timetable should be stuck on the wall in the study where you or an adult you have elected can help in supervision.

Just like wastewater, if not controlled will go through the gutter will go anywhere it wants and make the environment look messy, so are children in particular and humans in general.

If you don’t build a routine for them, then you have no cause for complain. You know, you would be not be around all the time, but a well-planned Private Timetable comes in handy even in your absence.

You can effectively monitor wherever you maybe and there is always a clear cut bases on which discuss progress. Ambiguity and grey areas don’t help you when you are busy, sick or filling lethargic and the part of the child when s/he is confused and/or lazy.

Another question that came up in the survey was, ‘Do you have a study [it can be a room or a corner]?’ YES / NO. 82% {i.e Five [5] out of every six [6]} of the children had a study, which was very impressive. If you put this result side by side with the statistics from the question on home timetable, it is unequivocally clear that parents have done well to provide the material needs of the child. But wait you cannot take a breath yet.

There is an even more important need, to be catered for , which is A SCHEDULE. This cannot be overemphasized. After which you periodic checks to ensure that things are going according to plan, adjustments could be made when challenges come up until a sound footing is got.

The Germans say it is good to trust that the job will be done but it is better to supervise. Even if because of your tight schedule you delegate supervising duties.

MAKE TIME to check the progress from time to time. This should be done until the child cultivates this noble characteristic. Once s/he acquires it, it becomes part and parcel them and they become learners for life, it is at this point that you can rest.

In our next write up we shall share the statistics of the responses, to the following questions.

• How often do you interact with your parents/guardians?
• Do you have personal electronic gadgets?
• Are you happy in life?

Interesting responses and analysis accompanying it, keep your fingers crossed.
I wish you well in your quest to get your child to be a lifelong learner.

Rayhann Shaban
Parent–Child Relationship Coach
Co-founder of Advocate Development Networks [ADN]
rayhannshaban@hotmail.com
0243414669/0200225235