World Doesn't End

Life Goes On .....

We are still here. The end of the world was set to begin at 6 p.m. Saturday, but so far, the prediction from California evangelical broadcaster Harold Camping has not come true.

The Oakland false prophet is the radio preacher who keeps telling us the end of the world is nigh. ?He predicted that around 6 p.m. Saturday, ?2 percent of us would have been quickly "raptured," while everybody else would proceed directly to hell.

And here we all are. Maybe he was just trying to screw up happy hour.

The end of the world is nigh — ever notice how the only time anyone ever uses the word "nigh" is in stories about the world ending?

I guess that's because "World Goes Belly Up," "World Outta There," "World Bites the Big One," "World Doesn't Make Playoffs," "World a Goner," "World Takes a Hike," "World Goes Bye Bye," "World: 1 Creek, No Paddle," "World Takes Gas," "Turn Out the Lights, the World is Over," "World Toast" and "World Screwed" sound too informal.

This isn't Camping's first brush with picking the wrong day for the end of the world. He also predicted the world would end Sept. 6, 1994, which led his listeners to show up at an auditorium in Alameda, Calif., expecting to see Christ return.

Guess who didn't show up? This would have been a great moment for a scruffy guy in sandals and a beard to walk in with a harp player and a collection plate.

You'd think this mistake should be a major public relations disaster for Camping, since he's been blowing and going about the end of the world on his Family Radio Network.

Then there are the more than 2,000 billboards across the U.S. with such messages as "Blow the trumpet, warn the people!" I don't know why, but that reminds me of the old joke about drinking: "Between the cheeks and over the gums. Look out, stomach. Here it comes."

If Camping were smart, he'd start a TV documentary called "Camping Goes Camping." On the show, Camping could show people how to cook outside with no electric hookup.

You know, everybody's always picking on weathermen for getting their forecasts wrong. That's just not fair. If you really want to dis somebody for shoddy prognosticating, get after your friendly neighborhood apocalypse soothsayer.

I don't know how many times preachers have predicted the end of the world or how many shaggy-lookin' dudes in robes have marched down sidewalks carrying big signs that say, "The End Is Near." But so far, not one of these clowns has gotten it right.

When it comes to picking the end of the world, these guys are 0-and-something. Heck, even TV weathermen Jim Spencer and Troy Kimmel do better than that.

Not that the weathermen and the world-ends screamers are the only ones to make shaky predictions. This spring, Sports Illustrated predicted the Red Sox would win the World Series. And they started the season 2-10. Just keep your fingers crossed and hope that Camping doesn't pick the Longhorns to win the national championship.

But I wish these end of the world guys would keep it to themselves. Whenever they pull this stunt, all they do is let people down. I thought Camping's prediction might get me out of mowing the lawn. No such luck.