Letter From The President: Presidential Paranoia

Countrymen and women, loyalists and opponents,
I am writing this letter with paranoia in my heart and mind. I was in the loo one day, doing my own thing, when I received a call that some men have been arrested for allegedly conspiring to ?destabilize? the country. I was surprised and shocked. I was surprised because I thought that no one was interested in staging coups anymore.

Even the master coup maker, Jerry Boom had supposedly denounced coups and vowed to respect the will of the people. Furthermore, I know very well that the people of Sikaman are relishing their democratic experiment. If for nothing at all they are enjoying the democratic freedom of speech which allows any citizen of the land to open his mouth as wide as possible and speak their mind without fear of an identification haircut. So why would anyone want to ?subvert the democratic government and perpetuate certain terrorist acts? against my government?