Do you remember when I was doing some advanced degree some years back and the thing that happened? I told you but I have forgotten. You no see pepper before er; the dry and red one called akwele waabi! Yooo! Go ahead and be telling your wife every secret all in the name of ‘communication is key in a marriage’! Must everything be said? Indeed some secrets would go with us into the ‘last room’ whenever God decides.

My wife is too prayerful to the extent that she becomes dangerous because just last week after spending GHC250 on a lady in order to go and do what bad men do.

All of a sudden, we got to the place and my distin refused to wake up. She prays too much against my external enjoyment. Ah! Why?

Maths was my headache and I was compulsorily forced to do Quantitative here. You sabi that Mathematics that has some letter ‘S’ with a very long tail inside plentey. Ehern! That is what happened to me and that young lady in the hotel room after all my prayers to make Zakiyors ‘stand up’.

I just caused financial loss to myself. GHC250 for the girl’s transportation, GHC150 for the guest house and GHC5 on chewing gum to prevent bad smell from my mouth. Just look at this financial loss to myself. Who cause am? No bi my wife? Hahaaaaaa! It’s Fridaayyyyyyyy and non-fa is active in my head again la!

Remember there is nothing like a completely good person. There is also nothing like a completely bad person. Every human being is both good and bad! Finish! If in doubt ‘listen to the smell coming from your mouth and nose anytime you just wake up from your sleep. What you exhale is the same thing you inhale again and I suwear…the perfume you inhale back, only you know.

The Bible says ‘let the weak say ‘I am strong’. You naaa you know that you are weak o but just by saying: ‘I am strong’, before you know it, you are actually strong again. Halleluya! But unfortunately, this did not work for me in a special place of interest o. I will share with you what happened at the end of this abstract maybe next week.

When you see a man coming out of a lady’s room in the afternoon and he is holding half a bottle of water in his right hand and he is pouring the water on his left fingers with the water, please feel free to draw conclusions wae. It just could be what your mind is telling you. Don’t assume anything else.

He was probably so ‘close’ but time did not permit him and he’d had to abandon the ‘project’, midway! Or maybe he has even finished the mission – in great joy in a hurry!

My friend, Mr Atu Awam-Biscuit, please stop assuming what I am assuming o because I read in an unknown book that ‘assumptions are the most lethargic form of human intelligence. For all, you know the man just wants to stick to Covid-19 safety protocols by washing his hands after coming out of the lady’s room ‘without’ soap under running water! Wash wey kan hand?

Sadey, if you know you have a problem, don’t go asking to marry a woman who is good in bed. You will have more problem. They say 50% of men are impotent. wahala dey! Those of us after age 40 have started some self-evaluation to be sure we are fine thank you and you!

The strategy we use is similar to what we do when we want to be sure our mouth is not smelling by first clinching our fists into a fist-pot to catch the breath, smell it on the quiet and then proceed. Mormorni mouth no scare you before er? Go ahead!

I disgraced myself nearly 6 years ago when the borders were opened for my mother-in-law’s daughter to return from her quarantine. I missed her so much and midway through the ‘distin’, I went ‘half clutch’. Surprised at what was happening and panting heavily, I pleaded with her and asking her questions that didn’t concern me in any way. For example, who was the first person to wear fugu in Ghana? All of these in the bid to buy time. Just when I was about regaining ‘consciousness’, she was talking talking and before I knew it, the ‘thing’ dropped again as it ‘bowed down’, provoked.

You know at this point you have to psychologically and mentally position yourself in such a way that it does not drop while you keep praying and praying and praying with the hope that the Biblical ‘let the weak say I am strong’ faith will work. My brother, as for this one di333, if you are weak, you are weak.

The slightest disruption can cause a ‘downfall’ again! Here, if you are unable to ‘join the train’, she will dress up, chuckle in dissatisfaction and go and bath. I never understood this erectile this thing till at this age of 50!

Unfortunately for me, my wife suspected I had gone to download somewhere and insisted I do the needful. Then I told myself in my head: ‘this woman is dangerous’. This thing she wants me to continue can expose many things dangerous for the ‘man in me’.

But wait o. Impotence is different from erectile dysfunction though used interchangeably sometimes. Let’s not mix the two as if mixing Viaggra with aggrada bitters. Each one has a ‘purpose’ and can be very depressing when combined. Whereas the term ‘impotence’ describes the problems that interfere with sexual intercourse [among married people ONLY] and the likely inability to impregnate, erectile dysfunction is more specific to a man’s inability to achieve or maintain an erection. Finish!

It’s a serious ‘congenital pandemic’ that comes with age, lifestyle and abuse of common over the counter medications and akpeteshie, in my opinion. Too much meat and sugar together with lack of exercising are some of the suspects.

Abeg, when you know your problem and you are doing the thing and you get the slightest chance, just pour that thing, wear your trousers and go and rest somewhere; it’s more dignifying like that than to say you want to impress only to lose the strength to continue and not come kraaaa.

My friend, just do ‘pampampam’ and then ‘piaaaa’ and go and rest! No bi your fault; it’s age wahala! Weytin concern me with under two minutes when three minutes can fail me in totality! Remember we are no longer 25 years! Any man who comes to boast of how well he ‘punished’ that lady probably didn’t do anything. Listen to them carefully. They often say so to prove how strong they are in bed but nothing for them.

‘I know myself’ kind of reality inside men. No negotiations. Just believe that an estimated 50% of men are weak down there and that you are not one of them. Just pretend and you will be fine. Self-denial and don’t lose hope.

Don’t worry about it; after all, worrying won’t change anything. Korr! Make I hear something. If you are growing, things change and accept them like that and try and change your lifestyle. Ah!

If you reach a certain age and have to sing useless songs just to buy time in pleasing your wife, you will understand me better. Asking unnecessary questions such as ‘did Kwame Nkrumah use iphone or Samsung phone?’ abeg, it’s none of your business. Go ahead and do your house conjugal duties, man. Don’t try herbal aphrodisiacs, concoctions o; you will regret. Those things quench fire in the long run.

When the ‘thing’ is overused and you refuse to exercise and don’t eat well, what do you expect? Stay quiet and rest! You are not alone, Bra! We plenteyyyy! Your wife is not dangerous – na you cause am after using your private parts to do public transport.

Go on, have unprotected sex in secret. Two things – an unwanted pregnancy which may not even be yours becomes yours or ‘HIV’ connects its wifi.

It is Val’s day this weekend and Yaovi, if you know you don’t have the strength, maintain the little you have for only your wife before you start thinking she is dangerous.

Then the man also says: ‘fear woman’ but keeps going there.

One of the reasons some ladies in relationships keep two or more boyfriends is to have a back-up plan because men are more dangerous. The unfortunate reality is that a lady who does that is frowned upon by society while the man who does that is seen as a real man with a strong waist! Such an unfair world! Let’s put a FOR SALE tag on some men la. Hahaaaaaaa!