Imagine You And Me—The “Straight” Woman And Lesbianism

It was fall of 1997. He had taken the long flight from Tanzania to the United States of America and had arrived safely at Baltimore Washington International Airport. During the course of the flight, he visited his mind’s eye several times and recalled the steps he had taken to get to where he was: the numerous trips he had made from his hometown to the American Embassy in Dar es Salaam; the excitement he and the rest of his family felt the day he finally obtained his visa from the Embassy; the last night he spent with his secondary school sweetheart, the love of his life, and now his wife. Although the thought of leaving his wife in Tanzania filled him with a sense of emptiness, he knew he had done the right thing - it was for the best.

After Customs agents at BWI gave him clearance, he made his way down the corridor and saw familiar faces awaiting his arrival - his uncle and some other family members. On the way to his uncle’s house, he looked out the vehicle’s window and was somewhat disappointed. Is this not the United States they speak of as if its streets were paved with gold? Why, some of the landmarks in Tanzania are even better-looking than what I am now seeing, he thought to himself. Nevertheless, he was glad he had finally made it to the United States; if only he could have brought his wife along ….

As he sat in his uncle’s car, he once again visited the museum of his memory and reminisced about the great times he and his beloved had had during their secondary school days, and their time spent at the university. He also recalled the day that he officially asked her father’s permission to marry her and how everything went off without a hitch on their wedding day. But mostly, he thought of the sorrow on his wife’s face at the airport when he departed Tanzania. His thoughts were interrupted only after his uncle’s wife asked him a question about the family back home; he now spoke with the family the rest of the drive home.

His first night in his uncle’s house was somewhat strange for him, but he did not complain. That night, while everyone in the house was sleeping, his uncle woke him up to give him some advice: “Never forget your reasons for coming to the United States. Stay focused on your hopes and dreams and all will be well.” Most importantly, his uncle strongly urged him: “Never forget your wife back home.” After his uncle was done providing him with sage words and he was once again alone with his thoughts, he murmured, “How can I forget the love of my life, it is not possible. Once I find my footing and things are settled, I will surely bring her here!”

In a span of seven years, he obtained his master’s degree, found employment with a reputable corporation, and now lived in a home of his own. In addition, he had managed to help the love of his life migrate to the United States to be with him. In 2006, two years after his wife arrived, he also brought his younger sister, who was also his wife’s classmate, to live with them. His life was now fulfilled, but, if only he and his wife were blessed with a child, everything would be exactly as he had hoped for. Though, they had tried several times without conceiving, he was hopeful that, someday, they would. One of the things he was most grateful for was the closeness his sister and his wife shared. They respected each other and they never bickered, as some sisters-in-law are prone to do. He was gratified that they did not give him any headaches! Whenever he heard tales of families-in-law disputing with one another, he counted his blessings, for such fate had not befallen him.

One smoldering summer afternoon in 2007, being a hopeless romantic, he came home early to surprise his wife, the love of his life. It was a Thursday and, as such, he knew his sister would not be home for hours - she had classes to attend after work. So, knowing his wife was alone in the house, he called out her name when he entered his home. When he did not get a response, he assumed that she was upstairs, sleeping. Climbing up the staircase and bearing sweets for his love, he could barely contain his excitement.

He opened their bedroom door, and there on their matrimonial bed and to his horror, were his wife and his sister - in an embrace, kissing one another and making love. As the two ladies realized his presence, they unclasped each other expeditiously and attempted to cover their nakedness. He stood in the doorway, numb and motionless! The man stared blankly at his wife and his sister, but the two women could not look at the man in the eyes, neither could they utter any words.

He raced down the stairs and slumped himself on his living room sofa. As he sat and stared into nothingness, images of him strangling life out of both his sister and his beloved flashed before him. He was not certain whether he had actually suffocated the two of them to death, or whether it was simply his imaginings. With panic in his heart, he went up the stairs to ascertain whether he had asphyxiated the pair - he found them alive and breathing. After pacing up and down the staircase several times, he finally found his voice and asked his sister and his wife to leave his home immediately. The ladies did not have the “chutzpah” to concoct an explanation, so they left his house without protest.

The man plopped himself back on his sofa, endless questions emanating from his lips: "My wife and my sister are lovers? My wife, the woman I have loved since secondary school, and my sister, the (little) girl I have practically nurtured since the day she came out of our mother’s womb, are lovers? This is diabolical! How long have these two “Jezebels” been lovers? Since they were students in secondary school, or since my sister came to live with us? Why does this have to happen to me of all people? Was I a fool to bring the love of my life to the United States? Or, was I wrong to help my sister migrate to America to live with us? What kind of women will inflict such misery on another human being?"

That night, he ransacked his home, not certain what he was searching for, but the things he found filled him with too many emotions to list. He found nude photos of his wife and his sister together, along with birth control pills that his wife had apparently been taking. It became clear to him why they had not been able to conceive: his wife did not want to! He thought to himself: After all I toiled to bring them to the United States, is this how they have decided to show their gratitude? How am I going to explain this story to our families back home? I will leave it to the two of them to explain the matter to relatives.

The title of my article, "Imagine You And Me," is the title of a 2005 British movie. The film is about a newlywed young lady who falls in love with a woman who was the caterer at the former’s wedding. But the story I have recounted for you is not a studio creation, it is a true-life story of a Tanzanian gentleman! And the man never recovered from the shock! Within a few months, he went from being a mild-mannered young man to a vicious man, consumed by unbridled hatred for women. He no longer trusts nor respects women, and any female who comes his way is sure to bear the brunt of the anger he harbors for his former spouse and his sister. For the past two years, his main objective for getting involved with women has been to destroy them emotionally and abuse them in other ways. In other words, he is taking his anger and frustration out on unsuspecting women who have done him no wrong. I do not agree with him, but I do understand him.

It has become the norm in these parts of the world for some African/Ghanaian women to have sexual liaisons with closeted and/or openly proud lesbians. I do not begrudge gays and lesbians to any degree (my statement may seem condescending, but it is not so), but I question why self-proclaimed heterosexual women choose to involve themselves sexually with lesbians. Some of these young women are sometimes married or in committed relations with men. So, what leads these so-called “straight” women to the boudoirs of lesbians? I, and many others, have chastised “Down Low Brothers” for the mayhem they are causing, so I think it is only fair that we seek answers from those supposedly heterosexual women who are breaking their men’s hearts by sleeping with other women.

If you claim to be heterosexual and are in a relationship with a man, then, what is the reason for sleeping with women? Have you always known that you were a lesbian, but chose to camouflage your true sexuality for fear of possible castigation from society? Or is it that your current relationship is not fulfilling for you? What led you down this path? Yours truly have been propositioned by some of these pseudo-heterosexual (Ghanaian) women in cyberspace and in real life. My standard response to them is always something to the effect of: “I am flattered that you’d want to be with me, but I am neither a lesbian nor bi-sexual, but if you want to be friends platonically, that will be fine by me.”

As previously mentioned, some of these women are oftentimes married, in committed relationships, or on the "prowl" for their husbands-to-be. When I ask why they would want to be with a woman when they claim to be heterosexual, they are never able to give a tangible answer. So, will the self-proclaimed heterosexual women who are sleeping with lesbians please provide us with some insight as to why? Of course, we are also interested in hearing from all who wish to respectfully express their views on this matter.

*This is an attempt to find out why some heterosexual women engage in sexual activities with lesbians. If you have nothing but bigotry to spew, please do not bother to respond.

Lola, Washington, DC