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Opinions of Saturday, 4 December 2010

Columnist: Dankwa Jr, Fredua

Wikileaks: Special Ghana Cables

By Fredua Dankwa Jr.

As the American people scratch their collective heads to resolve the diplomatic
nightmare caused by Wikileak's disclosure of secret State Department cables, I am
really infuriated by the fact that there were no juicy, intimate cables on Ghana.
Come on!! where are the Ghana cables? This is not right, now I really hope they find
this Assange character and add discrimination to his charges. I know the Yanks have
a few unflattering and derogatory cables on us.

So I've decided that if the mountains won't come to Mohammed, Mohammed will have to
go to the mountains. That's right; I will have to resort to using my imagination-
darn it. So here we go! I suspect the cables on Ghana might read something like

This freaking place is like a zoo, the so-called leaders are parading around here
spending untold amounts of money on frivolous stuff whilst kids go to school under
trees. They don't have the basic common amenities yet their officials are riding
aimlessly in the most expensive gas-guzzling SUVs.

Their unregulated FM radio airwaves are like Comedy Central - hilarious, they haul
insults at each other with utter disregard for human decency. Zero civility; as
these knuckle heads try to out-scream each other. It's a travesty how a country with
so much natural and human resources can find multiple ways to screw things up for

There's no sense of community and nobility in this place. It's all about what each
one of these coons can stuff in their personal coffers. You know how in our neck of
the woods even a bunch of irresponsible teenagers can get together and manage a
McDonalds efficiently? Well, these blank-blanks can't manage a chicken coop if their
lives depended on it. The sad thing is, they have so many intelligent and capable
people who can actually fix this place; but the lazy, corrupt, and vindictive ones
will not let them anywhere near their loot.

By the way, the new craze here is the oil, every pot-bellied blank-blank is jostling
for position to grab their "share" even before production starts, the rush is on to
get petrol-chemical (mis)management related online degrees. These are the most
self-absorbed, short-sighted blank-blanks you will ever see anywhere in the world,
but look on the bright side, the more they stay that way, the better for us. The
media houses here are a big joke, they try to out-do each other as to who can make
up the most bizarre and sensationalistic headlines. They are super fixated on the
four 'Johns' so much so that any news article that is not about one or more of the
'Johns' is not considered news worthy. You have to understand that party loyalty
here supersedes the welfare of the country, and most people have a John they
worship, they don't give a crap about infrastructures or government systems as long
as their favorite John is in charge.

The bottom line is, we have to streamline and re-assess our strategic operations in
Ghana as the Chinese are feverishly bidding and buying the stomachs of key players
here on the cheap.

This satiric article was brought to you courtesy of

Expressions of my Impressions