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Opinions of Monday, 22 August 2016

Columnist: Counselor Frank Adofoli

Why some ladies want divorce at all cost

I am writing this article due to the pressing need of young married women in their late 20's and late 30's, who are sick and tired of their marriages and want to exit at all cost; but has come to realize that what she thought could make marriage work was not what actually makes a marriage successful.

These days I do laugh at a lot of things instead of crying at them. I am not being sarcastic but the truth is, if I start crying it won't make sense, because the people I cry for see no need for that.

These days ladies are really updating so much; it used to be the latest Samsung, then moved to iPhone, and iPads. Now it's the season of drones.

These days when a young guy approaches some ladies, the lady's eyes are more than the scanners used at the ports. They will scan you from head to toe.

From the hairstyle you have, to what your wear, the design, how you look whether with a six-pack or one-pack, the size of your butt and wallet down to the footwear you have on.

All this scanning has one common objective: how rich are you? The result from this physical assessment will determine if it's alright to talk to you or not.

The next stage of the conversation goes to what you drive but not what drives you. Who is a man; no matter the latest car you drive, if you are not driven by God, you are lost.

What will it profit a man if he gains all the riches of this earth and loses his soul?

The next phase of the conversation is the schools you attended and whether you've ever lived abroad, done your masters there or any plans for that.

Which part of the city you live in; Is it the East Legon or West Legon? Cantonment or Spintex? Renting or self-built? Self employed or employed by one of the big firm in the country.

To these ladies wealth means more of safety, comfort, love and security than God. The next stage of the conversation is all about fantasy, how many rounds of sex, styles and position; the timing whether in the morning, afternoon, night, outside, in the kitchen, etc.

They replace romance with flirting, love with sex, and God with money. Attention is reduce to chats. Respect is completely missing.

The wedding is done in a rush as if someone is pursuing them. No wonder divorce is so common now.

It reminds me of an African proverb I heard "A cow who is in a hurry to go to America will surely come back in a corned beef."

These ladies get married, have all the money and the latest gadgets and devices, but after a few months of sexual pleasure, they come to realize what they need is more than what they thought.

Their husbands treat them like these devices. They are used when the need arises. They are shut down when not in use. They abandon their wives at home; and every time after work they meet at various pubs, joints, spots and clubs with their friends.

They have enough to drink and once a man is drunk at these places, anything ugly becomes beautiful. In fact the flashing multicolored lights add up perfectly to complete the picture.

If you think I am lying, ask the commercial sex workers; the “not so good looking” ones leave for work much later in the night. It is at that time they meet the drunks and lost souls as their customers.

Imagine what happens with his wife when this man gets home; they yell at each other and in fact some receive some good beatings. This is what I call married to the street. You are married to a man who prefers the streets to you.

They reduce you to a babysitter, cook and laundress. Well, when these ladies are tired of complaining, they turn to their ex boyfriends for help or ask house boys and gate keepers for assistance.

Very soon, we will lose the blessings of marriages because we are defiling the God-given institution.

If parents, society, and the church don't wake up to the dying stage; if the media and other platforms keep mute without doing something about this, soon divorce will be frequent like mobile money and divorce lawyers will be the new "Mobile Money Vendors" in town. The danger here lies in the kind of children birthed out of these marriages and broken homes.

The truth is: a lot of people in prison are there because of lack of good upbringing and poor parenting. Some crime mates are their parents. Since they were not born from a bad marriage, the friends they found on the street became their parents, mentor and everything.

As I travel the country to speak to people about the need for good families, how to have good a relationship/marriage, my heart bleeds when I come across street children. The question is: what values are they being taught? Who is the role model they look up to? Are we not growing bitterness and madness in the hearts and minds of these young ones?

God forbid, but I don't want to see Ghana turning into America in the next 20 years with high rates of violence, killings, divorce, etc.

It really hits me so hard to see a country whose motto is "In God We Trust", behave like that. This is happening because they have lost control of the home.

If you are a young lady today and blessed to read this article, ask yourself "what kind of life do I want in the next 20 years?” What kind of grandparent do you want to become?

What kind of name do you want to leave behind? For the Bible says a Good name is better than riches.

If all your focus is money, wealth and big things, well you will have them; but without the small things you will be forced to run away from the big things.

Small things like affection, attention, care, romance, quality time, good conversation, friendship, trust and honesty will be missing in that big house with all your cars, a fat bank account and a prestigious family name.

In conclusion, these small things are what it takes to put smiles on your face, give you the peace of mind you need. The presence of these small things make you appreciate your union, makes you a grateful person, makes you a better person.

Even in the midst of sorrow, hard times or the most quarrelsome environment, you will find peace. But if all your focus is on money and the big stuffs, then even in the most beautiful, peaceful environment your heart will still get angry, and you will quarrel over the least thing.

Please share with your friends, someone out there needs this.

You are invited to my upcoming seminar; HOW TO KEEP YOUR MAN IN LOVE. Strictly for ladies on 21st Sept. 2016 at Paloma Hotel, Spintex Road, Accra, 11am Sharp. The Rate is only 25gh. For ticket, more info, counseling, feedback, to sponsor or join our family, call or WhatsApp +233 20 677 4279