'When ladies cross the road'

Probably the biggest problem created by a typical Ghanaian fufu eater is when he goes to the restaurant to eat fufu. He buys the fufu and asks for ‘dry fish’ but wants the one inside soup. How come? Dry fish? How are you going to eat it with the fufu without soup? I just love my country k3k3!

It is the only country in the world where male goats do an environmental impact analysis behind a female goat before making an ‘entry’ decision. I don’t know how goats behave in any other country. You know why? I haven’t been to any other country before. Hahahahahahaha! Ghana sweet roff

This year is running very fast o, or I am the only one seeing it like that? We just celebrated Christmas and already April is coming to an end! Abeg, if you set some personal targets for yourself, do it now because time no dey o.
It’s weekend again! Let me enjoy myself small! This thing still amazes me o.

You are a very beautiful lady who wants to cross road to the other side. Cars are not stopping for you to cross. A man suddenly stops and beckons you to cross the road as he stops for you.

You think he is doing a favour? Na lie o! He is doing himself a favour as he watches you cross shaking things behind you and those in front announcing their presence. Don’t thank us. We have finished thanking ourselves by the fact that you even accepted to cross the road when we stop for you. Keep crossing roads o, beautiful ladies. We don’t mind if we are late for work.

Last week when I wrote about dogs not having family planning thoughts, some of you called me to say, it is true. Some called to challenge me that how did I know. In fact, I love those reprimands because it is true. Dogs don’t care o.

You see when they want to mate, they look for where a lot of people are gathered and start doing it. They don’t mind just because they want to avoid speculations. They do so for everybody to see so that when you accuse them of making some other dogs pregnant, they accept it immediately without any argument. After all, the accusers were present and saw everything happening live.

Zebra crossing is not respected in this our part of the world. I wonder why the authorities waste paint on this venture. Drivers or motorists don’t regard zebra crossing, pedestrians will want to cross from a point where there is no zebra crossing.

I recently spoke tough to a young man why he decided to cross the road from where the zebra crossing was not but rather the other plain part of the road. His response was cheeky. He asked me back and in anger whether I was a zebra. Is it ignorance or we just enjoy doing the wrong thing?

A friend was charged in an abrokyire country recently and given a ticket as fine for crossing the road where there was no zebra crossing. Meanwhile, the zebra crossing was right next to where he was crossing o. the police immediately approached him and guess his charge: lack of common s**se! Period. He paid o.

Try that in Ghana and some civil society and human rights organisations will bash you for doing the ‘wrong’ thing because for them ‘human rights is the promotion of doing the wrong thing’. I just don’t understand them. As for some of these human rights people er, they cause more social problems than they solve them.

The reason I get upset sometimes when some media houses keep wasting airtime to interview some of them on things that require some disciplinary action on recalcitrant human beings some of whom may want to wear their right shoe on the left and the left on the right and think they are the best people in town!

Some human rights organisations? Hmmm! Some of them are the reason some dogs frown at us when some cases are sent to tennis court because even they animals will not do some of the things human beings do and human rights people justify in the name of freedom. Some of them often count the teeth with the tongue; you can never get it correct. Let the world be led by how the Almighty God has planned it and purposed it. God loves everyone but I don’t think he would encourage human beings doing the wrong things. No!

According to a quote attributed to Richard Gordon in the book ‘Quotable Quotes for Quoters’ authored by Aubrey Malone, ‘over-eating is the most worthy of sins. It neither breaks up marriages nor causes accidents’.

Please note, not ‘overheating’ o. That one can cause accidents though over-eating itself can cause so many medical conditions that are worse than accidents! Don’t think about it; just over-eat and see how much pressure you will be putting on your internal organs especially the liver and kidneys! Any disease linked to the liver and kidneys especially due to reckless lifestyle often kills faster.

Continue to boil four eggs at a time and eat it in the night. Then for your breakfast eat 3 balls of kenkey with goat meat and more fish! You will live long wae! Life is short but can be shorter if one disregards certain simple principles.

The world is such a wicked place not because of snakes and lions o but because of me and you – we are all wicked one way or the other. Don’t ever assume that what you can never do to others, others cannot do to you! They will do it and even write re-sit on it.

I visited a new dentist on Wednesday to check if my ‘wisdom tooth’ has come because nowadays it looks like my wisdom has come paa. Everything I say is full of ‘wisdom’. Hahaaai!

My dentist at Asylum Down, you are a real professional wai. This guy searched and searched and searched my smelly mouth with some metallic tools and eventually found my wisdom tooth hiding in between my molars. Halleluya! Now I can think well well! Wisdom tooth has come o.

Since then I have become wiser than before and I am not happy about it. When you are too wise, you become too careful and life ‘won’t sweet you’ much. This Doctor worked on these my useless teeth and all the old fufu and akple pieces stuck in them in the past ten years were removed. I don’t know whether it is hereditary.

My late father lost all his teeth before he died and I remember how he used to pronounce the number ‘44’ or the word ‘wele’! All you would hear is ‘weywey’! the most exciting was when he wanted to call the word ‘beef’.

He calls it biwi and it took me a long time to understand what he meant by ‘biwi’ when he meant! As for the number 44, you can try it yourself. When I meet him in heaven some years to come and he has all the set of teeth intact, I will either not recognise him or just tell him he is at the wrong place.

My 85-year Mother, on the other hand, has all set of teeth intact. I think I copied my father. My set of teeth no good kraaaa. Can’t you see. That’s why I am careful when chewing sugar cane. Chaka chaka chaka! Basaaaa! Ahhh!

Have a nice weekend and remember copying the wicked ways of your enemy in revenge will not help you but your enemy! Continue to do what is right even if the wrongs are perpetrated against you. Keep your possession of a loving heart and let your detractor keep his wicked ways. God is watching! At the end of the day ‘killa baa gbo last show’!