What if Akufo-Addo dissolves Ghana and Ghanaians start anew?

Barely a day into his official role as the new president of Ghana and already Akufo-Addo was the face of international ignominy.

How so? International-scale plagiarism ushers in Ghana’s newest president—Akufo-Addo. Akufo-Addo then goes to church and before God—Owusu Bempah’s God and angels—he either excuses or dismisses his plagiarized inaugural speech out of hand, making light of the pomp international scandal as a child-thief caught red-handed with his stumpy hands in a pot of boiling soup.

Akufo-Addo then takes cover under his own doted-upon son, Eugene Arhin’s solemn apology for the international disgrace that preventable though cheap plagiarism brought upon Ghana.

Akufo-Addo’s Ghana’s “Day of Shame” is now here. How these shameless politicians deserve a festival of slaps!

Akufo-Addo’s other son, Bishop Obinim, appears from nowhere and in no time begins claiming, complaining, nagging, quite irritably, that corrupt Ghanaian courts, like his corrupt church and Akufo-Addo’s corrupt Golden Jubilee House, are wasting his time.

He wonders why on earth a respected bishop like him, Bishop Obinim, allegedly having abused his two adopted children in the public glare, should still be in court while still in charge of the general upkeep of these adopted children, as it were under his roof.

Are the courts really serious? Bishop Obinim asks! We all know Akufo-Addo used to be a “favored” legal urchin in these dilapidated, intellectually-starved corrupt courts, says Anas Aremeyaw Anas’ investigative camera.

These same courts nurtured the outspoken Mahama Ayariga, the man behind one of the recent bribery scandals to rock the very foundation of parliament, a nursery of mostly doted-upon prosthetic-brained, overfed, kwashiorkor-thinking criminal urchins.

Now the much-vaunted credibility and political stature of Boakye Agyarko, Joe Osei Owusu, and Muntaka Mubarak are at stake, in the doldrums, in question.

That, unfortunately, is the national story—Akufo-Addo’s Ghana is so abjectly corrupt that, possibly, Anas Aremeyaw Anas’ investigative camera itself may not be from the bug of institutional corruption.

It is now becoming clear why Anas Aremeyaw Anas’ inquisitive camera may have shelved its scandalous evidence on parliamentary corruption. Citizen Vigilante Martin Amidu has been more than clear on this. Yet parliamentary corruption is nothing new. Alban Bagbin has confirmed it too.

Akufo-Addo’s judiciary, Akufo-Addo’s parliament, Akufo-Addo’s presidential office—are all awash in the stinking blood of institutional corruption. In fact Akufo-Addo’s sakawa presidency and his plagiarized, or let us rather say his sakawa, inaugural speech are symptoms of this generalized cancer of institutional corruption.

This shameful national narrative on public corruption is more complex than meets the eye. We see this in the fact that Akufo-Addo’s characteristic institutional corruption has given birth to political prostitution in the Ghanaian body politic. Not too long ago, controversial and maverick Pastor Counselor Lutterodt confirmed this when he said the Bible does not frown or discountenance upon prostitution.

Akufo-Addo’s presidency benefitted from what Pastor Counselor Lutterodt is calling “prostitution.” Prostitutes in the Eastern Region, for instance, reportedly voted massively for Akufo-Addo, a Christian, because they strongly believed in their heart of hearts that his presidency will usher in economic prosperity never seen in the Fourth Republic.

This in turn will attract more male customers to the nightly trade, which they had hoped will boost their trade leading to increased margin of profitability. These prostitutes were Owusu Bempah’s angels who came down from heaven to vote for Akufo-Addo, angels and saints who do not care about the plight of the girl child who is held in ritual bondage in parts of the country.

No one understands this intricate game of political shrewdness—of weird political marriage between the ruling class and citizens—better than Princess Shyngle. She wonders how married women-citizens manage political men with small penis.

Wanluv the Kubolor and Wisa would later expose their genitals to the world just to prove Princess Shyngle wrong, that not all male politicians in conjugal relationships have small penis.

Kennedy Agyapong’s scandalous allegation, that Madam Charlotte Osei bartered her womanhood for one of these small penises, stemmed from Akufo-Addo’s general quiet demeanor over the former’s imbalance in mental health.

All these instances of Ghana’s open-defecation democracy explains why Princess Shyngle also clearly understands why Daddy Lumba, a strong supporter of Akufo-Addo reportedly duped collaborator Isaiah Kwadwo Ampong, a gospel artiste to the tune of hundreds of thousands of local currency.

These may all happening because Ghana is the seventh dirtiest country in the world, a financially strapped country where open defecation is the norm rather than he rule, yet the same country ironically has suddenly—if inexplicably—discovered a large stash of money which the clueless and dated Akufo-Addo says will be used to finance Ghana’s sixtieth anniversary celebrations.

Celebrating the Ghana’s independence anniversary when children continue to study under trees. It appears Ghana’s open-defecation democracy is only good for President Kalyppo Plagiarizer, so it seems. We are now clear about Akufo-Addo’s easy tendency to shed crocodile tears about the country’s bleeding economy at every given opportunity.

President Kalyppo Plagiarizer is bent on turning Ghana into George Orwell’s “1984” and “Animal Farm,” into Ayi Kwei Armah’s “The Beautyful Ones Are Not Yet Born,” all three of which no doubt speak truth to power than Owusu Bempah and Bishop Obinim can lie about God, heaven, hell and angels.

It is these angelic and saintly lies about God, heaven, hell and angels that have come to define the new face of Ghanaian politics—properly called open-defecation democracy.

Akufo-Addo’s Ghana, Owusu Bempah’s Ghana, Bishop Obinim’s Ghana—a country with more fake pastors than genuine scientists.

A country where citizens spend more money on the dead and burial practices than on the sick and improving the general well-being of the living.

A country President Kalyppo Plagiarizer has already turned into an economic-political paradise where even devils are afraid to tread, yet a paradise where God and saints and angels swim in honey of institutional corruption.

Should we be surprised that Kennedy Agyapong will brand all members of the New Patriotic Party (NPP), a party of which Akufo-Addo is proud member, “stupid” and “fools”? Should we be surprised that the so-called Muntie 3 will threaten to slaughter judges of the Supreme Court?

Should we be surprised that Collins Dauda’s brother, Naaba Abdulai reportedly claimed to be a political executioner? Why has he now gone into hiding in Burkina Faso once the National Democratic Congress (NDC) lost the general elections?

Should we be surprised that partisan hooligans, vandals and vigilantes have gone on a rampage seizing public toilets when they should have been out there freeing the girl child from trokosi shrines, forcing politicians to erect brick-and-mortar classrooms for under-tree studying children?

Here Wanluv the Kubolor’s message for Akufo-Addo and his new government:

“…I don’t wear underpants and that’s why girls like me. Some girls want it [sex] fast so when they know you don’t wear underpants it means you won’t waste any time [taking your clothes off for sex].”

We need to move away from this open-defecation democracy and kalabule politics to a democracy of non-partisan brotherhood, of economic industrialization, a country where patriotic citizens speak truth to power and provide a critical mass for positive change in society. Our politicians and Ghanaians for that matter should therefore move away from Wanluv the Kubolor.

Now here is Akufo-Addo’s lame response to Wanluv the Kubolor’s:

“They will not be mistakes borne either out of ill-will or malice…They will be mistakes because I am human and we all make mistakes as human beings…I am going to do my best. Hope my best is going to be good enough.

“I will make mistakes but I can promise you they will be genuine…I am going to give it my best shot and I am asking you to help me and also put your shoulder to the wheel of Ghana so that we can give our people a better life that they are aspiring to.”

Yes, once again this dated politician appears to be taking advantage of the Ghanaian’s proverbial short memory. Institutively these deceptive statements are even a non-starter—to start with. They are of course no-brainer too. Yet one also wonders why he did not make this admission of fallibility on his campaign trails.

Since when did he realize his humanity? And since when did he come to the realization that “we all make mistakes as human beings”? If so, why will he make light of his plagiarism scandal in the House of God, that is to say dismiss the international plagiarism scandal out of hand? Why has it taken him this long to make this public admission of fallibility? This is very typical of the Ghanaian politician, of most politicians—if we can say so.

In Part 3 of our series “Is Akufo-Addo The Change Ghanaians Really Want?” we wrote:

“Akufo-Addo should begin telling us which of his campaign promises are unfulfillable lies sold to the unsophisticated Ghanaian elector merely for political expediency, which ones are technocratically implemental or feasible and which are not, before he begins to make a fool of himself after he has officially assumed office. Buhari and Outtara failed to do this.”

Akufo-Addo and his top advisors ignored our candid advice. The truth is that he is now beginning to come to terms with the fact that being in the hot seat of the executive presidency is not the same as being on a campaign trail, or making a pass at a woman. Being on a campaign trail is more like being under a lukewarm carpet of moonlit tryst or serenade. This is how Wanluv the Kubolor has managed to sustain his cheap popularity over the years. In this sense he is more truthful or candid than the scheming and dated Akufo-Addo.

Akufo-Addo confidently said on his campaign trails that he had the men to turn the economy around, but now he suddenly realizes that that may not in fact be true after all, hence the establishment of a Diasporan Desk in the very womb of the office of the presidency. An excellent idea nonetheless! When all is said and done, though, not even Owusu Bempah’s omniscient angels saw this fallibility variable coming. Owusu Bempah’s fallibility is all too clear here.

Still, we see some striking parallels between Akufo-Addo’s elderly baldness of political deception and the youthful exuberance of Wanluv the Kubolor’s philosophical voyeurism. That is, the former does shy away from wearing a toupee even while the latter refuses to wear underpants. Namely one hides his nakedness under a scanty wrapper, while the other dissembles his in plain, broad daylight of scheming baldness. No moments of innocuity here. A crisis of unimaginable proportions. Of course, therein lie dangerous prospects for political failure and inaction.

On the other hand, being in the hot seat of the executive presidency is rather more like the excruciating pain of labor and caring for a litter of one’s children against a backcloth of crushing privation and under the frigid dryness and Sisyphean weight of economic depression.

Yet we know for a fact that not very far into the future more instances of political stupidity, strategic incompetence, political failures, unfulfilled campaign promises, and public corruption will be subsumed under Akufo-Addo’s “genuine mistakes.” We take this hard-line position given that Ghana’s open-defecation democracy is awash in these instances of self-fulfilling prophecies.

The above notwithstanding, it appears the naked truth behind Niccolo Machavelli’s “political realism” has finally dawned on Akufo-Addo. This is no cheap epiphany. As a matter of fact the moment of truth has finally arrived. Let him therefore take advantage of it for his own edification, and for the edification of the all-knowing robots in his government, as he continues his on-the-job training.

Otherwise we may have to dissolve Ghana and then start anew—if we really want to see that positive change in our lifetime!

REFERENCES

Ghanaweb. “I’ll Do My Best But Will Make ‘Genuine’ Mistakes—Nana Addo Tells Ghanaians In Ethiopia.” February 2, 2017.

We shall return…