Talking Sh*t: Why Dr. Kwame Okoampa-Ahoofe, Jr., is Wrong

Food, Clothing & Shelter? What about the ‘Call of Nature’?

Our good friend, Dr. Kwame Okoampa-Ahoofe, Jr, in a ghanaweb feature titled ‘Ghanaians Have Been Dying Young ...’ (2007-10-29), referred to death as “the proverbial Leveler”. Would the good associate professor, perhaps, have in mind the poet, James Shirley (1596– 1666), whose poem, Death the Leveller, gave us the following?:

THE glories of our blood and state

Are shadows, not substantial things;

There is no armour against Fate;

Death lays his icy hand on kings:

Sceptre and Crown

Must tumble down,

And in the dust be equal made

With the poor crookèd scythe and spade.

No, sir, with all due respect, I think you are wrong; and I would like to humbly disagree with you that death is a ‘leveller’, if you will be patient enough to read on. There is a far more important leveller, as we will see later. Perhaps, this might also be a very brave and even cheeky thing to do disagreeing with your good self in this my first article for ghanaweb.

Sometime ago, I wrote to ghanaweb’s esteemed and hard-working editor, Akoto, as follows:

Hello Akoto Hope you are well. I was wondering how one becomes a columnist to submit feature articles for ghanaweb, as I would like to contribute articles in future. Look forward to hearing from you then. Yours sincerely

Little did I know back then that my first submission would be on the subject of ... toilets! Or, as the polite among us would prefer, the place where we answer the 'call of nature'; the 'call of nature' being, incidentally, one of those polite words or phrases we usually choose to use when we want to avoid using certain words. In this case, the phrase we have chosen to describe our response to a necessary and vital human bodily function.

Perhaps, there’s no other word in any language which has more slang or avoidance words than that for the human bodily waste which results from the food we eat! Sometimes we even discover to our embarrassment that a perfectly innocent nickname or even real name chosen turns out to be the slang word for human waste in another language! Poor Kaka - brilliant Brazilian footballer, former FIFA World Footballer of the Year and recently valued at £100 million sterling. Sadly, ‘kaka’ is also what, I am told, is the French slang for human waste! An expensive piece of sh*t, some might say? A ‘kaka’ player in France is not exactly, well, a candidate for Footballer of the Year, at world or village level, is he? Then there are the English and the Irish who talk of doing a ‘number one’ (front action) or ‘number two’ (back action) to refer to the two kinds of ‘easing oneself’.

Talking of ‘easing oneself’ also reminded me of the time I took the STC bus from Accra to Kumasi. Before departure, the driver advised passengers to let him know if any of us needed to “ease” ourselves at any time during the journey, and he would duly oblige by stopping the bus. Presumably, for any such passenger who might happen to ‘receive a call’, the bushes by the roadside is where a passenger might be expected to ‘do the business’! By the way, does STC run buses with toilets on board, as I am told is the case with National Express coaches in the UK? Easing oneself on an STC bus? Now, that will be progress in Ghana’s transport history!

At this point, I am sure some readers will say that this entire article is just a load of sh*t. Quite right! And that's exactly the point - putting sh*t at the top of the agenda. It might also seem a bit odd or strange to some people that my first feature contribution to ghanaweb should be on the 'call of nature' and the subject of toilets.

But, why not? Why not a piece on toilets? Let’s just pause and think about this for a moment. What is one of the most pressing, indeed unavoidable, human responses one can think of? Yes, you’re right. I have therefore absolutely no regrets or apologies to make for raising this topic at this moment.

I could have chosen to write an article on politics, economics or philosophy, since politics, economics and philosophy affect us all, directly or indirectly. However, all the three subjects mentioned will be removed from us in terms of ‘immediate personal experience’. The only immediate personal experience we all share, regardless of our nationality, gender, family, social or economic background, rich or poor, is the ‘toilet experience’.

This ‘toilet experience’ is also something none of us can ever avoid, as long as we choose to continue to eat or drink. It is not voluntary, but a ‘forced’ response to the human body’s demand; has anyone made the useless attempt of trying to hold back when one desperately ‘needs to go’?

One can hardly imagine the subject of toilets being the topic of polite conversation in VIP circles. At the same time, there’s no doubt the location of the toilet would be the first place a VIP guest may enquire on arrival at an event. We also seem to have this particular unpleasant habit of avoiding a discussion on the most important human response to our food and drink consumption, and therefore we end up neglecting to address the ‘toilet problem’.

So, why do we have what could be said to be a totally unreasonable attitude towards such a vital transformation by our bodies of the food and drink we consume, and the failure to provide the facility for what results from this change of state of the food and drink? It certainly is this strange and careless approach to something which comes out of our own bodies that anyone must find confusing.

We are all, probably, also aware of the generally accepted saying that human basic needs are: Food, Clothing and Shelter, in that order.

Presumably, whoever first came up with that list forgot a most important element in the equation: the need to properly get rid of what becomes of the food and drink we put into our bodies; and this is where toilets come in.

It could be argued that one can do without clothing, especially in a warm environment, though one would also need to be mentally prepared to go around naked! In the same respect, the need for shelter is not quite as crucial on the ladder of human needs. Food, toilets, clothing and shelter, in that descending order, will therefore be a more appropriate ranking on the human needs ladder.

Let’s put it another way: you live in a place like West Africa where, generally, there’s no need to keep warm. The trees would also provide welcome shelter from the sun on hot days. At the same time, you will [still] need to eat and drink. However, a few hours later, the same food and drink you have taken into your body turns into something else you don’t even want to touch now or stay within a certain distance from it. Should you therefore not think of the best way to deal with this problem?

Apparently, the average 70 year old person would have spent the equivalent of three and a half years of this lifetime attending to ‘toilet duties’! An incredible statistic! Yet, we do not seem to give toilet duties the necessary attention it deserves and, hence, to provide the facilities to make the experience, well, less stressful. Indeed, one could argue, the properly planned and designed toilet is the only place where three and a half years of absolute privacy and time for personal reflection can be found.

Toilets can also be [used as] a metaphor for good planning - thinking of what will happen to the food one is going to put into one’s body and how one can properly dispose of what that food turns into later on. I have heard of people in Ghana, especially visitors to our dear country (Ghanaians or otherwise), who say they plan their daily routine to take into account where they will be able to have access to a toilet. In my own case, I also find myself, apart from working out where I can have access to a toilet, thinking of what food or liquids I should consume before leaving the house in Chorkor.

As an exercise, and as a personal challenge to ourselves, it might be interesting to add up how much we choose to spend on fashionable clothing and other similar items in a society where the provision of toilet facilities is neglected. We could also continue the exercise and ask ourselves, honestly, which is more important: looking good to others or experiencing a feeling of relief, and where this sense of relief takes place. I know which I will choose.

After all, it has been said that the measure of any civilisation can be judged more from the quality of its toilets or how that society disposes of its human bodily waste, rather than its latest fashion trend. I understand the ancient Romans took the quality of their toilets very seriously, and quite rightly so.

I said earlier that I disagree with the associate professor about death being the great leveller. My point is this: long before death, the grim reaper, or the ‘final call’ comes, we all have to answer the ‘call of nature’. Furthermore, unlike the final call where one’s life comes to an end, in the case of the call of nature, we continue to live afterwards, so the real ‘leveller’ is our responses to one of life’s demands. I look forward to reading the good associate professor’s thoughts on our toilet situation.

Has anyone ever wondered whether those we are supposed to be in awe or even afraid of, such as the monarch/head of state of a particular European kingdom or a so-called industrialised nations (and former colonial masters of Africa) ever answers the ‘call of nature’ or attends to toilet duties, as their ordinary subjects/citizens do? What about our own Nananom, Torgbui, Ya Na, elected Head of State and, indeed, all those who wield their power over us mere mortals? My dear friends, rest content; all these ‘powerful’ folks mentioned have to succumb to the one thing which brings all of us - the powerful and the weak, the rich and the not-so-rich, the ‘small boy’ (as we say in Ghana), and the adult - to the same level: the need to answer a call none of us can ever ignore. Our ex-colonial masters also have to respond to the same life’s requests, even demands, as us Africans. Here’s a tip: the next time anyone comes near you to talk about superiority, racial or otherwise, please, ask if the superiority extends to that person’s quality of sh*t, attends to toilet duties or if, perhaps, s/he has been excused from performing that particular duty.

Back in April 2007, ghanaweb carried a number of pieces on toilets and sanitation, with our good friends Mercy Adede Bolus, Bernard Tetteh, Nana K. Danso among the contributors. An Effective Public Toilet System .. Toilet Tech - a myth or a reality in Ghana?

(ghanaweb, 18 April 2007), was Mercy Adede Bolus’ contribution to the subject. Nana K. Danso wrote two features, as he told us, "In reply to the American Peace Corp who helped build public latrine in Kumawu” (ghanaweb, April 5, 2007). These, Danso told us, "excited many responses and letters". Interesting, but not surprising, aside from the embarrassing fact that an ‘outsider’ had to come and provide this necessary facility for us.

The United Nations declared 2008 International Year of Sanitation (indeed, the UN should have proposed a Decade of Sanitation and we in Ghana should declare this as such). Having said farewell to 2008, perhaps we could focus attention on the most important human daily activity, after breathing and eating?

The UN’s International Year of Sanitation should also be taken a wake-up call by all those countries where this fundamental human need is neglected, and a chance to set up a serious on-going programme to address this shortcoming. Anybody out there who agrees with me? Here is an idea worth considering: can we Ghanaians ask our President, every Member of Parliament and, indeed, local Assembly members, what realistic plans they have to solve our sanitation (and specifically, toilet) problem? This will sort out the serious politicians from what we could call the ‘jokers’.

At least, Dr Charles Wereko-Brobbey was on the right track when he was reported as saying during a JoyFM radio interview that his focus in the period leading up to Ghana’s Golden Jubilee was to build toilets with some of the $20 million budget his Secretariat was allocated. “There are 31 major tourists' sites in this country, only five of them have got public toilets”, Wereko-Brobbey reminded us.

Shocking and embarrassing, isn’t it? Meanwhile, the immediate surroundings of our tourist sites, such as Elmina Castle for example, have been turned into toilets by the locals.

Sorry, I have to go; nature calls, and it is a ‘call’ I definitely can’t ignore. Oh, please, don’t ask me if it is a ‘number one’ or ‘number two’; this is strictly a private matter as I don’t do it on Chorkor public beach! But, don’t worry, I might, indeed I know, I’ll be back to talk some more sh*t.

Ato P K Gomez

atopaak@gmail.com