Today we are expecting an august visitor, the former AU Chairman, the brave African, the strongest oldest person in Africa, the Millennium President of Africa, His Excellency, my Omamah, Robert Gabriel Mugabe; he who will be president until the bones are rotten, Mr. Omamah, welcome.

My name is Simpa Panyin. My occupation is selling bubra, Alomo and Joy Daddy; I mean tot-tot. I also work with Challenging Heights, and I’m a Freelance Journalist. I come from the windiest town in Ghana, Winneba which is located about one hour drive away to the West of Accra. Winneba celebrates festivals such as Aboakyer, Fancy Dress and the hailing Akomase.

I am a very short man, so automatically I know you will tell me I cannot be the president of Zimbabwe. But that is not a problem for me. At least I know I’m not dumb; that if you give me a good platform to sell your message, I will not just open my mouth bassaaa.

But I am here to tell you all the things that have happened since you last visited Ghana, and to make your 4-day visit a beautiful one.

Your Excellency, Ghana abr3 paa oo.. We have lost a number of our prominent statesmen; Justice D. F. Annan has died, and Right Honorable Peter Ala Adjetey has also died. Since these two men died, everyone is issuing death threats, disrespect, insults; I mean adapaaa paa, everywhere.

Unfortunately we don’t feel treated equal before the law. For instance earlier this year a driver who threatened to kill his grandmother at Akenkensu, was sentenced for 36-month imprison in hard labour. Another report had it that Isaac Mensah, a Chainsaw Operator, who threatened the life of a Magistrate, was sentenced to a whooping five years' imprisonment with hard labour.

Just recently three boys from the ruling NDC government have been sentenced to a 4-month imprisonment. Since then many people are calling for a pardon, for just four months of prison term, for threatening Supreme Court Judges. What happened was that three umbrella boys sat in their studios, with microphone, and they shouted, Montie! Thereafter they opened fire, I mean wonbie gya.

They dared the Supreme Court of Ghana, threatening to marry Auntie Eku, I mean force marriage, then the whole country became woooyaaaa!

Sensing danger, and seeing that Opana’s Attorney was not reprimanding them, that maybe the montie boys had Opana’s support, the Supreme Court also dared Opana by sending them inside, I mean Nsawam. So now they are inside. Opana now finds himself around the center circle. All his men are asking him to do something, to force Nsawam to free them, so that Auntie Eku will know that power pass power.

Opana received the petition from many of his party men, including my boss, Oye, and he passed it to the Council of State where Ama Benyiwa Doe is a member. The Council then took the petition, then they checked to see how many more fire could be opened if the petition is successful. Then they passed the petition back to Opana…

Just when Opana was about to... then you arrived…!

So that is what happened. It was your arrival that prevented the pardon, the pardon that could make Opana score an own goal.

Omamah, still Ghana abr3 paa oo.. Our two major parties are engaging in manifesto tricks. Last June the elephant hinted of a couple of what their manifesto contains, it said one factory per each district. Last time I sought to find out what type of factory they are talking about, is it fufu manufacturing factory or the type that grinds pepper, which is which?

Just last Sunday after John Dumelo returned from Cape Coast campaign launch, I asked an umbrella friend of mine what is likely to contain in their manifesto, he asked me to assume that the manifesto message they have is edebiii keke, and so I should go to town with it.

Omamah, how can this biii k3k3? I will like to know why I should vote for you, why should that biii keke? Do you think elsewhere my friend would have gotten away with edebiii keke? Please we are looking for paper, not something biii keke.

A couple of weeks ago I told my people that Opanana should find a way of shutting up some mouths from Assin Central, I mean Assin Fosu. That this man from my Central Region is becoming vulgar?

Ok, so last week he actually said he was joking when he told all of us, that Auntie Araba got her job because she went inside with Opana. Can you imagine?

Auntie Araba received insults upon insults, that she was Edwaman, and these were said by known and unknown sharp teeth, insults from people of no status, they all yelled at this Samaritan woman.

Now Kennedy Agyapong is telling us that he was joking when he said Auntie Araba slept with Opana to gain her job. I mean how?

Omamah, is this not more painful than rape? That the whole world knew, and believed same, that Auntie Araba is Edwaman, that she did herself in with Opana, and we were hooting at her, like a common slut, her husband heard it, her children heard it, her siblings heard it, everyone heard that she is, tafletse, Edwaman, how do you account for all these pains and embarrassment she has gone through?

A Parliamentarian who is supposed to make laws for us, laws that includes decency, laws that includes wisdom, laws that include the exercise of good judgment, laws that includes watching your mouth before you speak, laws that includes removing sharp teeth, laws that includes Parliamentarians holding themselves as role models, somebody who is supposed to be the epitome of respect, such a person, you opened your mouth wide, wide enough to cough filth on yourself? Aabaaaah….!

Elsewhere Kennedy Agyapong would not be allowed to contest the upcoming elections. We should not. We should be brutally frank here, we should not encourage the deliberate killing of the image of innocent people, it does not matter whether the person is a woman or a man, we cannot live in a society where people can speak evil, very deep stinking evil about others, disgrace innocent souls, destroy innocent leaders, and go dance with the gods, no way!

Anyway, Omamah, I was asking you to help me do something. We have some monies with Alfred Woyome, please collect it for us before you leave. These are my reasons: Last week there was a report that a certain 23-year-old unemployed man was sentenced to a 36-month imprisonment in hard labour by the Odumase Krobo Circuit Court for stealing GH¢450 belonging to Abdul Rashid Adam, a butcher. David Edinba, the convict, pleaded guilty to the charge and prayed the court to deal leniently with him.

So Omamah, in the end this convict confessed to the crime, pleaded for leniency, the GHC450 involved in the case was retrieved fully for the owner, and yet he was jailed for three years? Aabaaah!!!!

Let us juxtapose this with our GHC51million Cedis which is now stuck with Woyome for nearly seven years. He said he had a contract, when in fact he did not have any contract; that is fraud right?

So it was wrong in the first place that he took the money. He knew it was wrong. He chopped it. So we should be earning interest, but we are not asking for interest. We are only asking him to return it to us, so that we can build about 200 secondary schools, so that we can build 10 hospitals, so that these facilities when it is built with that money, can serve over one million school children, and can serve over 300,000 pregnant women.

Omamah, this is all that we are asking for, and this is our last chance. If an ordinary stealing and confessing of GHC450 can send someone to three years imprisonment, then I was thinking 51million could attract more.

But if going inside has failed, then please let us have our money back. The moment you leave Ghana Opana will not mind us oo; he is not interested in collecting that money. The other day I heard that part of the money went into boddooo, so I’m told many are those who have lost the moral courage to enforce a refund. That is why I need somebody like you who is fearless, to collect our money for us.

So Omamah, as you are here, take the time to tour different parts of Ghana. We have the Boti Falls, the Kakum National Park, and the Cape Coast Castle. Come to Winneba to see how the Anyensu River meets the sea, and to see the only non Regional Capital that hosts a University, the University of Education.