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Opinions of Saturday, 18 June 2016

Columnist: Counselor Frank Adofoli

We are not compatible

Have you ever seen a good girl dating a 'bad' boy, and you asked yourself 'What the heck do they have in common?” Well your answer is good as mine.

Does the word compatibility exist when it comes to relationship between two people? How can two people with different DNA, parents, homes, temperament be compatible? Even twins from the same womb born on the same day are not the same, they are different in lots of things.

The frequent answer you get from couples who want to divorce or break up from a relationship is "We are not compatible" It's a big lie people make up each time they don't want a relationship.

When it comes to relationship or marriage, there is nothing like compatibility. Couples who get along well are the ones who know how to manage their differences. It is not similarities that keep relationships but rather how well you deal with each other's differences.

Have you asked yourself why relationships between good girl and good boy doesn't last? Why girls want bad boys? Dating someone who looks like you is boring; there is nothing new, such relationships lack fun and not interesting.

So then, what kills a relationship? The answer is maturity. This life is lived forward, no wonder we have our eyes and toes pointing in the same direction.

Back in school, a student is made to repeat a class if he or she fails to pass certain tests and examinations; such a person will see their mates graduating and leaving them behind.

When it comes to relationships, people behave in the same way; they refuse to grow, act like kids, won't learn from their mistakes. People allow their ego to take the better part of them, they are selfish, unforgiving, run away from issues, etc. When you do this, your spouse on the other hand becomes fed-up, they outgrow you, and have no choice than to leave you.

A relationship is like a school; your growth is measured by your maturity to be able to be silence when your words would hurt; patient when you are being hurt; being thoughtful, sharing the little we have and being kind rather than being right.

For those who want the easy way out, when you are out there looking for that perfect person, keep this in mind: People change no matter how hard they try not to. As you grow older, you mature and with each level of maturity comes changes, new ideas, different needs and wants. The person who was perfect for you at age of 20 could be the person you hate at 30.

That's why you have to find someone who will grow with you, change with you, laugh with you, cry with you. There is no such thing called the 'perfect person' in this world but there will always be someone who will complete you.

“Most of all, have a true love for each other. Love covers many sins". - 1 Peter 4:8 (NLV)