My first girl turns 18 this week and I am worried. It’s all because of my experience or rather escapades with 23-year old baes in the past. Gradually my daughter would also get to 23; that is my worry. Those boys in my area have also grown now and keeping their beards on. What goes around comes around. Sin is nice if it is playing on the apaawa of another person but uncomfortable when it is being played on our own compound.

The irony of life is that the human tooth decay only when we are alive and stops decaying when we die. Strange. If you want to know how strong a lady can be, ask her to open a bottle of beer in your presence. If she uses her front teeth to open the beer, the choice to continue with her depends on your own muscles.

Still…one of the things I hate about pharmacy or chemical shop attendants is when you go there to buy medicine either prescribed or over the counter and they tell you: ‘oh this brand you want, we don’t have but we have another one that does the same thing and is very effective.’

It just puts me off and often the substitute brand is not as effective as the attendants would claim. I think they should be professional by telling customers that: ‘oh we don’t have this type but try from another shop and if you don’t get it from there, you can contact your doctor to prescribe an alternative brand for you. If don’t have, you don’t have; medications are not like ‘let-me-try-and-see.’ Kidney and live diseases are as deadly as any other dangerous disease o. Don’t endanger our lives, dross store attendants!

Black Stars’ problem is no longer funny. I have a strong feeling that if Ghana invests 20% of what we spend on the Black Stars on our Musicians and Artistes, we would be better off because they would entertain us timelessly! I was just thinking about this to myself since last Tuesday.

Ehern, the people who see breasts and want to born by hat nu, please be measured in your waist department that often misleads you to town looking at breasts. some breasts will not forgive you if you look at them twice. Before you know it, you are asking for whatsapp number to be making unnecessary video calls. Stop shouting that you should be allowed to be borning by heart bcos there is unquantifiable feeling in your waists that need to be discharged!

So upon all the business and financial information in this serious medium, all you are interested in is this unnecessary good-for-nothing column? Ei, Bra Kojo! Your wife will insult you through your daughter p3333. Ha!

Ei! October salaries have not been paid yet and I have my own payroll for my gals. They are the only ones who receive salaries and no income tax is paid on it. I don’t even know what I get from them before they still receive salary from me o! Now I understand why my poverty is persisting like an unrepentant malaria and H Pilori. 

By the end of this month, all the noise about breasts breasts breasts will come to an end! You pass here they say feel, touch, squeeze and suck…gently. Yaovi, my cousin di33333….oohh d3bida! When he got drunk 2 weeks ago, he just jumped on the wife singing ‘doctor says let me do it for you to prevent it.’ ‘Do what for me to prevent what?’ The wife would ask. He has been doing the thing as if chewing boflot. If the thing is supposed to be that tender to reduce chances of breast cancer, why all these advices to suck, and some men do it quite gidigidi! New born babies were our competitors in the month of October.

How will we enjoy? We have to wait till one whole year before the noise starts again? Or breast cancer happens only in October? Sometimes I wonder what we men get from it o; there is really no taste apart from the feeling of yiiiiii with the potential to lead one to enter the net...sometimes wrongly. Maybe the breast cancer preventive component is a good reason otherwise...??? Ironically, my full wife and the ‘other half half ones’ feel they are doing me a favour. They don’t know I am rather becoming their breast doctor!

Enjoy October while it lasts. Effective November 1, my wife says she will suspend me from ‘preventing any breast cancer’ and that I don’t even do it well and that I’ve been doing it basa basa basa. I said no problem. I will by all means get some from my ‘vendors’ p3333! If you refuse to ‘cook’ at home, e no bi ‘outside food’ I go chop? My only problem was with one left breast I had to dodge after I had observed that some hard lump was in it and subsequently I had to be dodging that particular left breast. But the lady was understanding and saw it as a symptom and went for early checkup. Later after doctors had attended to her, that particular left breast became bordorrrr and ‘not a bad idea! Breast will kill us, men.

My only problem is that I don’t know what excuse to give at home again if there is the urgent need to to to… to do what? For some time now, every Friday after work I tell my wife I am going for All Night. It has become monotonous and she is becoming suspicious. I want to change my strategy. Or should I tell her I am going for a board meeting Tuesday night though I am not a board member anywhere or I should ‘fall sick’ by force? Or I should travel outside Accra for an artificial end of year retreat? Please give me ideas la ah!

Why is it that when some wives want to insult their husbands, they do so through their children? We call it ‘insult by proxy.’

Last Sunday, I heard Mantse Kumah’s wife yelling at the daughter who had just woken up from sleep. ‘Korshiwa, you are lazy, you are drunkard always chasing girls who will only chop your money.’ Korshiwa, a girl oo, getting drunk and chasing girls? Imagine the indirect free kick! Hmmmm! Mantse Kumah was only somewhere dancing to Lucky Dube’s ‘It’s not easy’ in great frenzy.

His wife, Korshiwa’s mother continued ‘when you, Korshiwa return from work all you do is to throw your useless boxer shorts on the floor for me to come and pick. From now onwards, I won’t do that nasty job again.

Am I a slave to you, Korshiwa? Korshiwa, I say am I a slave to you?
‘You lost your last job because of drunkenness and inefficiency in ‘preventing breast cancer.’

Korshiwa, you will kill me one day. If you continue drinking and you lose this job too, I will pack my things and leave you though I don’t know where I am going.’ ‘Korshiwa, be careful oo. This marriage to you Korshiwa is just a waste of my precious time. It took you 8 years to pass your O level Maths yet you won’t learn sense.’ Trust me, Mantse Kumah, the husband has decided to ignore all of these as he is becoming wiser and more accommodating. That’s the way to go, or?

At this point she calls Korshiwa to send her on an errand and discontinued with the insult till Korshiwa returned and she resumed. Have a thrilling weekend as we use the month of October to continue talking about breast! breasts!! breasts!!!

Can we also dedicate a month for the distins of men as well? I heard they can get fractured when erect and that calls for attention too. Our wives should help us also to prevent the possibility of such fractures in our distins, whichever way they choose to do it. As for me, I wouldn’t mind because breasts don’t lie.
Enjoy breasts…it is not a bad idea; it is biblical and medical! Stop breast cancer now! Let me squeeze and see er! Bye byeee!