I used to hate it when people find it difficult to tell exactly where they live but now I am beginning to understand why. Suddenly those of us living on the western part of Accra have become very defensive anytime we are asked about where we live. Ask anyone: ‘which part of Kasowa do you live? And his or her immediate response would be ‘no ooo, I don’t live in Kasowa o; I live at Tuba’.

Just yesterday I met an old time friend and asked about whether she still lives around the toll booth and she was like ‘God forbid! how? I live at Amanfrom’! Ayooo. Be careful when describing where people stay around the western part of Accra o because residents of those areas have become like Peter to Jesus denying where they actually sleep and wake up and come to Accra to work.

As for me I make it emphatic that I live near the Mall. Please don’t tell me Kasowa. What is my offence? The only truth is that you can pass there to Kasowa but that place is not Kasowa as some of my friends have been wrongly tagging me of late. Last Sunday I overhead someone saying they attended an engagement ceremony and when the guy introduced himself and where he was staying, his prospective father-in-law stood up in anger and said this marriage would not come on and that he didn’t think he loved his daughter and that if he really did, he wouldn’t build a house there.

I thank God I didn’t mention the name of the place the guy lives.

The thing koraa some of the names of the towns on the way to Kasowa are some of the funniest but for some strange reasons, some residents feel good about it. Four years ago, a friend I invited to a naming ceremony had to return midway when on board a Kasowa-bound trotro from Pokuase through Amamole (woaaa listen to the name of this town near Ablekuma).

He was angry and couldn’t relate with the name of the towns along the stretch. First, the driver’s mate asked whether anyone would alight at Anyaa. He cringed but took it lightly. The next junction was Malam junction where some passengers requested to alight. Malam junction was cool, kind of. Next was Makati Hills which sounded more polished and exotic. What made his BP rise was when another passenger asked the mate where he could get down to pick a car to Oblogo! ‘Wey kan areas koraa be this’, he asked himself but decided to persevere.

The junction to my place is called block factory even though that block factory has ceased to exist. What broke the camel’s back was when after Weija junction, a passenger and his wife asked the mate for their change because they would be alighting at Tetegu junction! Tete what? He just got down, picked an uber and went back home. Ei! Indeed the best comes from the West but in between? Asuwear!

Honestly there are some names of some towns that need to be retweaked a bit. There is a junction at East Legon that has spoilt the beauty of the place. How on earth can you call a place ‘Banku junction’? I mean how? And this is East Legon we are talking about o. Banku junction. Anyway, it only shows we are in Ghana! After all, it is better than Scorpion junction at Tabora-Alaji. Dome-Pillar 2? I am yet to see those pillars. Let me put on record again that I was born and lived my formative years at Kisseman, therefore Dome and its other suburb, Oko, the neighbourhood of the Ayewws are quite known to me. In fact some of the Ayeww family people were my class mates at Anunmle School. Between Kisseman / Christian’s Village and Dome / Oko was a large bushy undeveloped area. Suddenly after 1992, developments started and then there is a Pillar 2 now.

That reminds me of the East Legon story again. Ei, we men koraaa, are all of us okay up there? I mean me and and some of us oo. Not everybody. I suffered to gain but…hmmm. Suffer, yes I did, but gain, I gave up! Ei! I met her at London Bar at Weija drinking fruit juice. I offered to pay for the fruit juice. I did.

I drunk pure water myself with the excuse that I wanted to avoid diabetes. If you don’t have money, it is easy to blame things on things oo! I asked to offer her lift to her house before returning home without asking her where exactly she was staying. Upon reaching Sowutuom junction on the N1 Highway, I asked where she was actually living. “East Legon”, was her answer. Indeed that should tell anybody the class of such a lady – top class!

At that point, I knew I could easily drop her off to the East Legon. I drove through East Legon alright…went and went and went and continued aaaaannnnnn and we were not reaching our destination. Still within East Legon? I queried and her answer was a straight ‘Yes’. I was getting uncomfortable because I was already tired.

It was on this occasion that I realized that East Legon has many branches; she was at the Ashaiman Branch of East Legon. After dropping her off, my exit was now through the Adjei Kojo end to the other side of the Tema motorway. Ao! At this point my fuel gauge started showing signs of ‘anger’.

To the best of my knowledge East Legon should end somewhere around Abedi Pele’s area or before Adjiringanor (I am still looking for how this name also came about). The rest should be on their own! Let East Legon be East Legon and Ashaiman remain as such.

It’s amazing how people always want to associate with the best and never minded by the fact that there is the need to be proud of where they live. Until recently it used to be a prestige to hear people who live at Potsin, near Winneba way after Kasowa saying they live at West Hill! To achieve what? On the contrary, when you live at Weija and somebody asks ‘Ohh Kasowa?’, you are quick to say ‘No; that is too far away! I once did that and what’s wrong with that? Very soon, some egoistic people living at Mankessim would start mentioning West Hill while those at Sogakope would feel good mentioning East Legon just to feel good! After all, Mankessim is to the West of Accra so is Sogakpoe to the East of Legon! Very easy to live in any of these two places now ooo but in-between Makati and Winneba? If you say a prayer, say one for us!

Some residents of Gbegbeyise, Glefe and Sukura especially those who are never content with what they have feel good telling people they live at Dansoman Akokor-foto with swag, ‘DC’. Feel proud of your actual areas of abode small. It doesn’t take anything away from you. We all know the city is choked so if you live at Nsawam or Teacher Mante and tell people you live at New Achimota, the only person you are deceiving is yourself. I have told you before that this is the only column that would make you feel nauseous and at the same time make you neither happy nor sad. It may sadden you but make you laugh small! It is the worst thing to ever happen to conventional journalism. The writer has never been serious with any serious business especially if it is not serious! It would make you feel like never to read it again. It is the only column that makes the dog say ‘it is for the sake of avoiding speculations that it decides to have sex outside in the open for everybody to see and bear me witness’. It is the only column that if you fail to read, you would not feel like reading anything again until you read it but remember…please DON’T READ!

Greetings to all my neighbours in the extreme Western part of Accra and my advice to us is to be bold and report suspicious characters in the area. Even though there are bad nuts in every community, it looks like the area is becoming the headquarters thus giving us a bad name. I don’t know where some of them come from to commit their heinous crimes but let us help the law enforcement agencies with information to flush out these miscreants from the area and feel proud to say, ‘Yes, I live in…Ka…… ! No be so? Hmmmm!