The birth of a child is a major cause for an impaired sex life in young couples, and research suggests that this gets worse rather than better as the child grows older.

But it need not be. Hormonal changes, stress, lack of privacy and sheer fatigue are big challenges. Plus ill-intentioned babies who start wailing when you are ready and rearing to go. There is nothing more effective in getting you straight from hot to cold. You try to ignore him and he adjusts his wailing a notch higher.

But you have to work to improve your sex lives, not just for both your sakes, but for the child’s sake as well. Happy parents equal happy children, so here are a few tips to help you along the way:

Honesty

Don’t be afraid of saying what you feel. Most women feel that their husbands are inconsiderate and unhelpful in wanting sex after the baby is born. This is a normal feeling given how much energy and time child caring takes, especially if the man does not help out.

Men on the other hand complain of neglect, and feel like they are made to fight for attention with the child. This is also normal. These feelings left unspoken engender resentment and affect the relationship. Talk through them with understanding and empathy, and work out the best way through them. If you find yourselves far too gone to talk rationally, bringing in a relationship counselor is not a bad idea.

Rest, and eat well

Both of you. Fatigue is a major mood killer. It’s hard to feel freaky if you can barely keep your eyes open, or if you feel that any little time is better spent saving up energy for the baby when it is needed. The only answer to this is to help each other out. This will leave more time on your hands to feel each other with. (wink)

Plan together time

Sex is best when it is spontaneous, but planned time may provide the opportunity for that. Besides, time spent together can be employed in just talking or cuddling, or doing something you both enjoy. It should be time when each other’s attention is shared by nothing else.

Exploit the baby’s sleep patterns

A newborn soon forms a pattern of wakefulness and sleep. Learn to read them and exploit them to get some time together to make love. Work your schedules around these times so that when they come round you are both prepared.

Redefine sex

Be flexible and change your sex lives to suit your new status. You may find that you need to change your time for sex from night to early morning. You may also discover that the kitchen and shower, and the floor are not only necessary but exciting changes. Also know that sex is much more than touch and go…