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Opinions of Saturday, 3 April 2021

Columnist: Anthony Obeng Afrane

The umbrella has developed some holes, but the elephant is standing on a death trap

Kikikikikikiki, I can see that some people are having itchy ears, but don't worry I will give you breaking news soon.

As much as I love music, the lyrics of some songs make me shirty and querulous. A typical example is the song, "Hey, Alhaji"; there is nothing meaningful in the lyrics of the song except "Hey, Alhaji, Alhaji, Alhaji."

Another song which has irritating lyrics is "Hai, hai, hai, I'm coming like kakai. I had a very nasty experience with these songs, but before I come back to the subject, please permit me to digress a little bit.

Folks, you will recall that in one of my articles I told the story of my younger brother who is now a pastor, and the fact that when he was a baby would cry all night requesting for fufu at midnight just to punish our mum.

His pesky nature continued even when he was about 4 years and could talk well. Members of the family decided to ignore him anytime he cried. One night, he decided to do his usual thing, and when no one complained, he asked amidst crying, "Haven't you heard me crying?"

This is similar to what is happening. Some people have decided to request for fufu at midnight, and this is causing some serious thunderstorm with accompanying hailstones which have created holes in the Umbrella.

However, inasmuch as the umbrella can be mended, that can never be said about the elephant who is standing on a death trap which is about to give way. The followers of the elephant have a long standing custom of first come, first served, but it looks like that custom is going to be ignored this time around in connection with who is going to sit on the elephant in the nearest future.

Hehehehe, this is a big dilemma, and it is a pure case of an akan proverbial drum called Kwesi Anata Twini which I most often talk about. It is believed that if the drum is beaten, one will lose the father, and if it’s not beaten, one's mother will die; such is the predicament yaanom find themselves; If Bawu climbs the elephant there will be trouble; the Cashman the Allan will activate Agenda Oseikrom.

And if the cashman mounts the huge animal, Bawumia and his followers will purge the elephant with pito and kola which will cause diarrhoea and an ultimate death.

Kikikikikikiki, as I look into the vulture's feather I can see an attempt to carry Bawumia onto the elephant. This is definitely going to make the cashman and his followers livid. And they are not only going to hit the drum which will cause the death of the elephant, but are ready to it it very hard.

So, it happened that yaanom were meeting in a certain house to find a solution to this difficult quagmire. I was passing by the house and decided to eavesdrop. I was then wearing a smock. After listening to all their plans, I started whistling, "Hai, hai, hai, cashman is coming like kakai."

They noticed my presence and got infuriated and shouted, "Hey, Alhaji, Alhaji, Alhaji," and with this, I was chased out with machetes, spears, axes, catapults, bows, arrows and gallons of acid. I escaped by a hair's breadth. They are still contemplating what to do. Nobody should tell me to go back and eavesdrop oo. Please I don't want any trouble wai.

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