Kofigo: Brother, I am back. You acted like the brothers of Joseph who connived with strangers to send him jail. The Good Lord who knows the purpose for which I was created and he lifted me from the grave. I am my old self again and here you are begging me to lend you some money. Why don’t you go to your NDC people?
Ziggah: I don’t have an NDC party card. It costs between GHC400.00 and GhC500.00 to acquire an NDC party card. Where do I get that kind of money? But, I am not asking much. I am only asking for very little from what you people have stolen from us. What am I to do?

Kofigo: You can go and burn the sea for all I care. Who are the thieves you are referring to?

Ziggah: So you don’t know that you and those of your tradition are the thieves and looters of the national treasury?

Kofigo: Be reasonable and answer these questions. How many NPP members have been convicted for crimes against the State? The Government spent so much money to set up a Ghana@50 Probe. Now, more than four months after the Committee had presented its report, the Government is yet to come up with its White Paper on it.

But less than one and a half years after coming to power, John Abu Junipor has put up a mansion; Ama Benyiwa Doe has done a similar thing and is also putting up another. A DCE from one of the Districts in the Volt Region claims it was the money he won in the National Lotteries that enabled him to put up a building in his home village. The list is endless. Even the President of the Republic would not be outdone in the game. He has “appropriated” the lands belonging to his kinsmen to put up an edifice befitting his status as President of the country. Now, you tell me who the real thieves are.

Ziggah: You people are clever thieves. That is what you are. We know you for that. But it is early days yet. We shall get you, Insha Allah!

Kofigo: If any of our people has “chopped” the country’s money, let that person be prosecuted in the law courts.

Ziggah: We shall not resort to the Law Courts for we know you people have bought almost all the lawyers and judges in the country. And that is why when lawyers die, they don’t go to Heaver.

Kofigo: Are you suggesting that President Mills will not go to Heaven when he dies?

Ziggah: No, Professor Mills is different. He is honest, transparent and God-fearing. Are you not aware that he is a disciple of Prophet T. B. Joshua?

Kofigo: Oh, this brings me to the question. Where is T.B.Joshua? Have you heard the narration of Pastor Peter Kayode of the Awakeners Chapel? He narrates how Prophet T.B.Joshua sent him to open a branch of the Synagogue Church of all Nations in Ghana. The Man of God took advantage of Pastor Kayode’s absence to have a taste of the sweet delicacies that lie between the thighs of Pastor Kayode’s wife.

Ziggah: This is a blatant lie! The work of enemies of progress! God will punish you for that.
Kofigo: This is the gospel truth. T.B. Joshua played the exact role David played when he sent Uriah to the battle front so that he could have unfettered access to Uriah’s wife. By the way, have you heard that the President’s Spiritual Adviser was the cause of the health hazards which nearly led to the closure of Achimota School?

Ziggah: These are just fabrications from those of demented minds. The Prophet is a true Man of God. He predicted Mills would be President and it came to pass. He predicted the Ghana Satellites would win the Under 20 World Football Championship and it also came to pass. He even predicted the final match will go into a penalty shoot-out and that Abedi Ayew should take the first kick. All these came to pass. He had a chat with Ayew before the final match.

Kofigo: Na lie! Ayew said he had never spoken with the so-called Man of God before. If he could predict accurately the outcome of the final match, why could ne not help his country, Nigeria to win the recent African Cup of Nations Tournament in Angola?

Ziggah: Oh, ye men of little faith. Jesus said, “physician, heal thyself” Jealousy go kill you! Shame unto your party of bomb throwers and thieves!.
Kofigo: Which of the two parties is rooted in violence?
Ziggah: Were your party people not those who wanted to kill the late Osagyefo Dr Kwame Nkrumah at Kolungugu? You even planted a bomb in a bouquet of flowers which you gave to a little school girl to be presented to Nkrumah. The bomb blew the poor innocent girl into pieces. How could your people be so callous?
Kofigo: Hey, stop there! Who were the people implicated in the bomb throwing incident at Kolungugu? Mention any member of the UP tradition implicated in the incident. Tawia Adamafio, Kofi Crabbe and Ako Adjei were top CPP members who were arrested, convicted and jailed.

Ziggah: What about the school girl?

Kofigo: Which school girl? There was no such incident. If there was, what was her name? Has any parent complained about his/her daughter being blown up during the incident? You see, nobody has complained because no such incident took place.

Ziggah: But Dr Omane Boamah and Samuel Okudzeto Ablakwa always claim that it was Jake’s father who supplied bombs to ‘criminals’ like Sheik I.C.Quaye and others to carry out their nefarious activities!

Kofigo: There you go again. This is disgusting. You know what? Rose Bio Atenga should arrest those two gentlemen for making utterances likely to cause fear and panic. Are you not aware that Jake’s father was buried alive?

Ziggah: Shie, this is the greatest lie of the century. You are being mischievous.

Kofigo; If you disbelieve my own, why should I believe your own? If I am lying, can you show me the grave in which Jake’s father was buried?

Ziggah: Again, Samuel Okudzeto Ablakwa says the voices of Atta Kyea and Kofi Juma and one other person were captured on tape when they were deliberating on how to dump dead bodies in the Volta Region to make them appear as if NPP sympathizers had been killed by NDC members in the Volta Region.

Kofigo: I am sorry to hear such a remark coming from a Deputy Minister of a sensitive Ministry like that of Information. The impression Okudzeto and his think alikes want to create is that these fine gentlemen are Ewe haters. It is very bad. And for your information, Honourable Atta Kyea is married to an Ewe lady. Why should he engage in such a criminal act against his wife’s kinsmen? If they are sure the voices were theirs, they should prosecute them. After all they are in power.

Ziggah: But the two Deputy Ministers are men of integrity

Kofigo: My friend, let me tell you something. In those days of the NLM and the CPP there was a biter struggle for power between the two rival parties. In my hometown of Abomoso, the UP (NLM) Tradition held sway while at Asamama, a nearby town, supporters of the CPP outnumber their rivals. At Asamama, CPP mob marched to the palace of the Chief of the town, who was a member of the UP tradition. The Chief and his few supporters barricaded themselves in the palace. He had his loaded double barrel gun at the ready and was asking his mother: ”Awo. Mento” (Mother, should I fire?). The mother advised him not to. Let people go to the two towns learn the history of the CPP and the UP.
Ziggah: So, you are calling the Honourable Deputy Information Minister a liar?
Kofigo: How old is Samuel Okudzeto Ablakwa to attempt to rewrite the history of the country? I lived through the period and I am telling you in plain language that what Okudzeto Ablakwa is saying is not the true reflection of what happened.
Ziggah: But the Akans have a proverb that if a child washes his hands well, he eats with kings. We like him for what he is doing- cutting members of the NPP to size.
Kofigo: It is only in Ghana and under the discredited rule of President Mills that a member of the propaganda machinery of the NDC will be appointed to such a ministry. Have you forgotten the humiliation he went through when a member of the Nigerian Television Authority “advised” him to do the proper thing with regards to the Big Six? He, a visitor told him in plain language that they have been taught who the original Big Six were and that his attempts at rewriting the history of the country would not do the country any good.
Ziggah: But he is the best material for that portfolio.
Kofigo: If this is the best you have, I have no further comments.
Ziggah: But the guy is clever oo. I liked the way he ‘swindled’ members of your parliamentary caucus and gained part of your stolen millions. He pretended to be part of your tradition and the money flowed waa waa into the poor boy’s pocket.
Kofigo: You keep referring to us as thieves. Which stolen money? You “stole” money even before your party was formed and you are still doing it. My informant at the seat of power alleges that when E.T. Mensah invited J.J.Rawlings to the opening ceremony of his house when they were in power, the ex-President got disgusted at the opulence of the house and rushed out of the place. He was shocked that such extravagance could be committed under his very nose. Ziggah: Can you prove that? E.T.Mensah can sue you for that.
Kofigo: And that is why I said the source alleged. But did E.T. put up a structure during his tenure as Sports Minister? Do you remember the incident involving some policemen on guard duties who decided to slice part of the national cake hiding under their then darling boy, Obed Asamoah’s bed? At that time, you people said it was party money not national. Come and see currencies in different denominations – dollars, pound sterling, Yen, Franc, CFA, Naira, Cedis and what have you! Was Obed the party’s Treasurer? At that time you defended him. But when he fell out with you alleged that he had stolen your money.
Ziggah: But how can you keep the country’s money under a person’s bed? The country’s money should be kept in the national treasury or the banks.
Kofigo; And party’s money should be kept at the party’s secretariat or the banks. By the way, it appears your party is fond of hiding “clandestine” things under people’s beds. Obed Asamoah hid the country’s money in sacks under his bed. Just last year, your Deputy Brong Ahafo Regional Minister and a failed Parliamentary aspirant hid an alleged murderer and criminal under his bed. The man is still at post.
Ziggah: But the people wanted to lynch him and that was why he sought refuge at the Deputy Minister’s House. The Honourable Minister was only adhering to God’s in junction of being a brother’s keeper. What’s wrong with that?
Kofigo: Have you forgotten the “eye hann, eye kanea” slogan under which women were stripped naked and paraded through the principal streets of some towns and cities in the country? Their “crime”? Some of those women were caned on their private parts. They were wearing short skirts! Recently, two teachers were arrested, tortured and paraded naked for being at a place where they were not supposed to be? Have you forgotten the kobokos that were unleashed on defenceless Frances Essiam by the Azorka Boys? Have you forgotten that it was the intimidating presence of the Azorka Boys which made it impossible for you then Chairman, Obed Asamoah to leave his seat to answer to nature’s call? He was glued to his seat for nearly 15 hours! Have you forgotten all these?
Ziggah: There you go again. But let me tell you something. A few months ago, the body guards of your candidate in the last Presidential Elections, Nana Akufo-Addo assaulted some officials at your party headquarters. What do you say to that?
Kofigo: You must get one thing perfectly clear. Nana did not send those boys there. But to show you the qualities which will make Nana a good leader, he suspended his security details immediately. He then paid a personal visit to commiserate with the victims and also pay their hospital bills. This is how any good statesman should behave. In sharp contrast to Nana’s pragmatic approach, was the stand adopted by Professor Mills when his body guard together with Nii Lante Vanderpuye, now a Presidential Aide assaulted and threatened one Kojo Yeboah, and NDC serial caller at Cow Lane on Tuesday, July 3, 2007. The guy had questioned the integrity of Nii Lante Vanderpuye for ‘stealing” $2000, 000 belonging to the party. In the build up to the NDC primaries to select a candidate for the Odododiodoo Constituency Bye Election, one contestant, Walid felt cheated and decided to go solo. The party hierarchy decided to re-imburse Walid for his expenses so that he would step down. Nii Lante Vanderpuye was mandated to present the money to the said Walid who was then on admission at a hospital. The money was sent to his wife instead. But Kojo Yeboah alleged that Nii Lante Vanderpuye had “cut off part of the largesse for his own personal use” It was the effrontery of this “small fly” to question what had happened to the remaining $2,000,000 during a phone-in programme that earned him vicious slaps, kicks, head butting and threats of physical elimination from the Mills’ bodyguard and Nii Lante Vanderpuye. Till today, we have not heard the outcome of the investigations the learned Professor promised the country. Instead, Nii Lante Vanderpuye has been awarded the plush portfolio of a Presidential Aide whilst the body guard is at post and alleged to be one of those in charge of impounding vehicles of “official enemies” of the government.
Ziggah: But the investigations revealed the duo committed no offence. You see, the NDC offers succor to the friendless, the helpless and the down-trodden masses in the country. Baby Ansabah wrote a lost of nasty things about our Great Party. But we sent him on a trip to Trinidad and Tobago and gave him money when he had a problem.
Kofigo: I learnt he donated Ten Million Cedis to the bereaved family he killed. I believe the money might be part of what he got from the Vice President.

Ziggah: But the Vice-president had denied ever giving any money to Baby Ansabah.
Kofigo: I also learnt He had no diver’s license as at the time of the accident.
Ziggah: You this guy, you are always fishing in troubled waters. I am warning you oo. Do not say I did not warn you oo! Kofigo: But like I told you. I have my source. I am always a step ahead of you and your party. By the way, are you aware that your party’s caucus I Parliament on Thursday, June 22, 2007 lampooned the oil find as “a gimmick – a comedy that is being played to divert attention from the energy crises facing the nation”. Moses Asaga, then Minority Spokesperson on Energy accused President Kufuor and his cabinet of “sniffing” oil at the Castle with “excitement”. “This week, we have been treated to some cheap theatre in the House with the Minister of Energy carrying into the House a bag he claimed contained salt and a bottle he claimed to be oil from the new oil discovery in the Tano Basin. What the Minster of Energy did was exactly what his counterpart in the Progress Party did in Parliament as reported in the Daily Graphic of June 18, 1970. Is it not amazing that exactly 37 years to the day from that Daily Graphic Report, another theatrical performance has taken place in this House from a Minister of Energy in the NPP Government? The tricks are indeed the same”
Ziggah: This is a big lie. A fabrication of a demented mind! No thorough-bred NDC member would ever say such a thing.
Kofigo: If you doubt it, ask for back numbers of the Daily Graphic, the Statesman and other news paper. He said it at a Press Conference in Parliament House. At least, Moses Asaga and all those NDC MPs who were at the Press Conference are alive. Go and ask them. They will never deny it, that is if they are men and women of integrity.
Ziggah: But the NDC is the party which invested heavily on the exploration.
Kofigo: There you go again. Are you Comrade Chukwumerije, Tom Ikimi, Arthur Nzeribe and Goebels combined? You spent our money prospecting for salt instead of oil.
Ziggah: What does it matter? You, like Moses, led the Israelites from Egypt but couldn’t set foot in Canaan.
Kofigo: Whaaaat! Are you suggesting that we were not the party that found the oil in commercial quantity?
Ziggah: No, that is not what I mean. What I am suggesting to you is that the tables have changed. You found the oil and we are going to enjoy it. You have now become hewers of wood and carriers of water. Yes, you are now the descendants of Ham. Just as the President said: “Man proposes, God disposes”
Kofigo: Is that not an admission of failure? What he meant was that things have not worked out well according to his plans.
Ziggah: You people have a way of twisting things to suit your own whims and caprices. Just as your School Prefect in Parliament said, whimsical and capricious!
Kofigo: By the way, I learnt your founder was in Church to give thanks to the Almighty God fro rescuing his family from the fire which engulfed his entire residence. I learnt he was there with Atta, the mortuary man.
Ziggah: Hey stop there! Why do you call our elected President, Atta mortuary man?
Kofigo: Oh, you people have no sense of humour. All you do is to hurl insults on those who disagree with you politically. I don’t mean our elected President. I mean the mortuary Attendant at the Military Hospital your founder referred to in his address at your Congress. I learnt he made some startling revelations. In fact, I am beginning to like the man for his bluntness.
Ziggah: You people are hypocrites. When the Founder was criticizing ex-President Kufuor, you condemned him for doing that. But now that he is ‘lashing’ the current President as a teacher lashes his pupils, you have fallen in love with him. What a bunch of hypocrites!
Kofigo: Why shouldn’t we? Nowadays, your Founder always makes my day with his capricious tirade against the President. When he was condemning ex-President Kufuor, you were full of praises for him. But now that he is condemning the leader of your party, you are condemning him. What a bunch of hypocrites! The Founder even made a damning revelation that the National Organizer of your contraption goes home late in the night with a police escort blasting the siren at high pitch.
Ziggah: Why can’t you people be truth to yourselves for once! The ‘bobo’, Ludwig has denied it.
Kofigo: So, because the bobo came out to deny it, you want me to accept it? How many times have ex-Ministers of Kufuor’s administration made denials on certain allegations levelled against them and how many times have you refused to accept them. To me, the Founder of your contraption is a man of integrity. He will never come out with ant statements he does not have facts to support.
Ziggah: Sometimes, the utterances of the Founder ‘pisses me off’. He was not like that and we all loved him. But in the light of what is now going on, I cannot say the same of him now.
Kofigo: But the man always speaks his mind. He is very blunt, a quality you all hailed once. But now you want to dump him. I learnt you people are trying to make him ‘insignificant’ in the party. My source tells me that the Cabal at the Castle knows the ex-President is very popular in the Volta and three Northern Regions and that any attempt to make him “impotent” in the party will cost them a lot of votes. It is to neutralize that certainty that the Cabal has appointed a lot of people from these four regions to Cabinet, Ambassadorial and many sensitive positions in the country
You see how callous and ungrateful these NDC power brokers and cabal could be!
Ziggah: Oh, give me a break. This is so ‘presumptuous, capricious and whimsical’ How can you come up with such a devilish idea like that?
Kofigo: But it is true. This is your plan which will enfold very soon. Unfortunately for you, I am always two steps ahead of you. My “informant” is highly loaded with top secrets. I learnt the President has appointed an 85 (Eighty- Five) year old man as an Ambassador.
Ziggah: Habah! How could your mischievous mind concoct such lies?. How could the Cabal, no I mean, men of integrity at the Castle do such a thing? Will the man be supported by a walking stick in the discharge of his functions? Are you suggesting that Mills administration is tilting towards gerontocracy? What happens to the President’s promise to the youth to create more jobs for them? Mills is a man who promises and delivers!
Kofigo: But my source tells me that the Ghanaian Ambassador to the Russian Federation, DSP or is it ACP Dr Seth Koranteng who used to work at the Police Hospital is actually 85 years. Besides, I met a relation of his who told me the man is 85. I also learnt he kept some tilapia in his refrigerator for about two years.
Ziggah: I don’t believe you. Jealousy go kill you. Mills is not like you to commit such a crime against the country. That will be tantamount to reckless spending and causing financial loss to the state.
Kofigo: Oyiwa, your own mouth has convicted you. Let the Police administration come out to deny or confirm it. The records are there. But one more thing. The President gave a directive that every traveler including those who use the VIP/V V I P lounge at the Kotoka International Airport should be made to go through body search. The President has since been travelling. He went to Trinidad and Tobago with Baby Ansabah, he has travelled to many other places. The VP recently led a bi-partisan delegation to the Republic of Korea. Ex-President Kufuor has been travelling in and out of the country, Ex-President Rawlings was recently in Abuja. The Liberian President was recently in the country. In fact, the list is endless. I want to ask you this question. Were they body searched before they flew out of the country? If they weren’t what is the President doing about it?
Ziggah: Kofi Kofi or is it Kofi Kofigo or whatever you call yourself. You are always jumping from one controversy to another. What do you hope to gain from that? Why do you ask me such a stupid question? Am I the Presidential Spokesperson? Am I his Press Secretary? Am I the Director of Communications at the Castle? If you want answers, go and ask Ato Ahwoi, Koku Anyidohu, Alex Segbefia and the many Presidential aides who go by different nomenclatures at the Castle. Why drag me into such a controversy? You are a fool! You want to try me? Never try such your foolish idiosyncrasies on me. I am not Asiedu Nketia, the ex-Palm wine tapper who through determination and handwork was able to work his way to the top. I am not Atta, the mortuary man! Never! I have teeth and can bite. Don’t dare me oo. We know you people have “bought” the judicial system. I will not sue you oo. I will give you the treatment similar to what Melfah gave Goal-keeper Robert Mensah at an Akpeteshie bar in Tema. Yes, that is what I will do to you. Go and ask those who know me!

Yes, I repeat, you are an idiot, stupid and senseless. Article of no commercial value. NPP is dead and buried. Yes, your party has become moribund. Dead, buried and forgotten! I shall deal with you in my own way and nothing will happen to me. After all, my party is in power and the law is on my side. Go to Agblgbloshie Market and ask what happened to the NPP people. We dealt with them and the police could not stop us. Yes, the elephant has been chased into the bush. That is where you belong! You are acting like a butterfly which calls itself a bird. But you are not. I am telling you that “Oheneba ne nea ne papa tease” (A prince is the one whose father is alive).

Daniel Danquah Damptey (danieldanquah_damptey@yahoo.com)