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Opinions of Friday, 29 July 2016

Columnist: James Kofi Annan

Should I heal them or I should kill them?

Ghana is going through drama series. Dumsor fixed, and refixed. Montie FM convicted and sentenced, Charlotte Osei stomping her feet on the voters register, and electricity Tariffs subsidized or re-aligned.

I read about all these, and I told myself “Simpa Panyin, you have to do something”.

We keep going in circles, and we keep failing our basic education examinations, because we fail to answer basic questions.

For instance, last week Peace FM morning show host, Kwame Sefa Kayi, in an interview, asked John Jinapor, the Deputy Minister of Power, “are we in Dumsor or we are not in Dumsor?”. This very simple question caused him to nearly write a book; Nigeria has Force Majure, pipeline rotation, Gas anticipation, expert declared wanted, Kwame Nkrumah Power Point, and wonworannnn.

John what are you saying? Do we have light or we don’t have light? The answer is that we don’t have light. When is the light coming? The answer is next week or immediately after the elections. I need to know so that I can decide whether I should vote Zu, or I should vote Za.

But I don’t blame John Jinapor for not being able to provide straight answers. A couple of weeks ago the Guardian Newspaper asked the ex President Rawlings whether or not he took bribe from the late Sani Abacha. The answer he gave was similarly wonworannn; the money was in a sack which was brought when I was about to go somewhere, and I did not want to meet them, and later I changed my mind, so I asked them to come so that I can meet them, and so I met them, and they put the money there, and I called Ato and Ahwoi to close the door, and later I did not call Abacha to thank him, and it hurt me, and so on and so forth.

Your Jerryship, did you collect or you did not collect? That was the question. They brought some money to you, whether it was 2million Dollars or it was 5 million Dollars, did you collect? If you collected, do you think it was proper for such huge sums of money to have crossed borders in sacks?

Let’s assume that you used the money for all the right things in the world. Did the Nigerian government do the right thing by sending you that money in bags? Assuming this money was taken from Ghana to Nigeria by Kutu Acheampong during the AFRC regime, how many days would he have survived the barrel of the gun? These are legitimate moral and integrity questions waiting for answers.

Trust me, I trust in your sincerity, of personally not abusing that money. And honestly after reading your interview in the Guardian, and Daily Graphic, I have come to respect you more than ever, and I have gained a good amount of faith in the purity of your conscience.

But sir, this money has no receipt to the Nigerian government, and the entire transaction is nearly a total violation of international financial transactions, and is shrouded in total lack of transparency from the other end. It also appears that you did not keep records of how the money was used.

So your men of integrity, how far…? I believe you need to search them! Line them up, Ato and co, search their pockets, smell their hands, and their mouths, you will know if that money suffered under Pontius Pilate.

Maybe you don’t know, but since you lost office, abuse of office became the simplest thing, the most automatic of all what we do. If you doubt ask the market women how many official cars visit the markets on weekends to buy tomatoes, and agushie?

The most disappointing thing, sir, is the time we waste on simple issues, we waste too much time on laws; an eye for an eye. Slap me if I slap you, the Mosaic Law, not so?

That is why I did not understand the Supreme Court’s decision last week. These Montie people have insulted you, they have threatened to kill you, like how the judges in 1982 were murdered, you have now captured them in your tabernacle, and they have admitted they threatened you, what else did you need to know before you jail them? Why did you have to wait till yesterday?

Was it not simple to have added their offences to the one committed in 1982 and charge them with both, like 1982+2016, and there upon they go inside? Not that simple? Asking them to go and come increased their anxiety levels, and spoilt the show. And that is why one of them developed that strange disease.

Kpokpogbligbli is not an easy disease at all. It causes people to dilute their senses. It makes people think backwards, and it does not allow them to eat well. It even shrinks some things, if you know what I mean, and makes them feel array.

And I hear Kpokpogbligbli even dries people’s pockets, and makes you feel that the more you insult leaders, the more your pockets stays oiled, and I did not know this, and I hear that is the reason why Simpa Panyin once asked people to insult him the more, because the more Kpokpogbligbli symptoms they exhibit, the more they gained royal recognition.

One of the pompous airwave power god, and king, in Ghana was Sir John. He speaks with dispatch, and when he picks his microphone, he sees everyone as small, and sees himself as the godMC, giant towering director of himself.

When he sit behind the consol, he grabs the microphone to himself, closer enough to his mouth, then he looks left, right, and left again, and then spews, spews venom, venom that consumes his targets. He launches an expression, and all other expressions varnish; the symptomatic wanton insidious aberration of Ghana’s intrepidity, therefore Mahama should resign!

Oh all of that?

Then he once upon a time launched a wrong word, and it was against the Supreme Court, and as he dived to recapture the word back to himself, the word landed with him in front of the very Supreme Court judges, saantan!

And remember Sir John is a lawyer with many years standing. There he finds himself before the Supreme Court judges, with a wrong word in his hands, and with all the legal terminologies stored in his skull, he stands there eluded, not only of his name, but all the many years of law school vocabulary, suddenly all of them have eluded him.

There he stands, with his hands crossed at the back, with air conditioners chilling the courtroom, yet he had his large double-breasted coat nearly soaked in sweat.

Sir John how did you find yourself here? I beg I will not do it again. Sir John, this is a simple question, answer it. No one has asked you what you have done or…? Just answer what brought you here, use the same vim you are used to, just produce one more word nearly similar to your regular verbosity, and let us know why you think being a lawyer is equal to wisdom?

Simpa Panyin, hmmm, I sat by my television, and I opened my eyes and mouth, confident, so confident that this is a small thing for Sir John. I nearly went on a bet, so sure that nothing, not even Atuguba, is anything for my own Sir John the finisher, Sir John the Emperor, Sir John the General.

I had delayed my bath for the morning, so I had my white towel hanged on my shoulders, with my boxer shorts on, waiting to jubilate Sir John’s conquering of the Supreme Court.

I sat there, the first question was thrown to him, no answer. And I was like, “you people you don’t know. Bring it on again”. The second and the third questions hit his face in rapid succession, and still Sir John is standing not replying, except blinking. Oh Sir John, meni ofio? The fourth and fifth questions carried both weight and speed, from both ends of the judges, and punched the man’s chest, and tim, kegyaaa!!! Sir John, Sir John, kranaaaa.

Since then I knew that the world is going to be a safer place for our judges, that all the many ways of killing the cats have now been blocked.

Then Mugabe, and his associates, wuom! When they began to cut those trees, I told Simpa Panyin about it. I said Simpa Panyin, please advise your people oo. The way they are cutting asunder footballers, pastors, fellow Journalists, ordinary and extra ordinary people, it can land them in my palace oo, yooo.

True to my words, here they are before me, with all manner of diseases. What do you want me to do? Should I heal them or I should kill them?