Rejoinder: May we have the Queen back, please?

On behalf of the Queen

Dear Ato Dadzie,

Thank you for your letter dated 23 July 2008 which was faxed to me by Gordon Brown. Since the abolishing of slavery and the development of Human Rights Acts all over the world, the conditions for taking over a country has changed but after serious consideration I have agreed to take over Ghana again on the following conditions;

You have to manage your resources effectively (natural, capital and human). Mr Brown and Mr Darling are very busy fighting off the conservatives so just like Australia, New Zealand, Malaysia, Singapore etc. you have to believe in your ability to change your country.

You have to pursue an educational reform that brings benefits to your younger generation rather than for purposes of scoring political points. When we left your country, you had GCE and A levels which were accepted by all the Universities in the UK. Today you have set up something that my departments for education (DIUS and DCSF) do not understand. NARIC tells me that all your level three students have to pass and “Access course” (also level 3) in the UK to gain entry to University in the UK. Please go back in time and compare the quality of the two curricula and make the necessary adjustments.

You have to refrain from importing used electrical goods to pollute your country-“the GOLD COAST”. These products will not add any value to the quality of life for your people. They have short life spans but long term consequences (pollution and radiation). You have to use your academics and professionals both home and abroad to develop products that will benefit Ghana in the first instance. Once you are self sufficient, you will not have to import any goods thus making some savings on your scarce financial resources. I remember you started something of this sort a while ago called” operation feed yourself” what happened to that policy?

You have to address issues of nepotism and tribalism that still persists in your country. Remember these are the same issues that helped my people invade your country several years ago. You have to respect equality and diversity and embrace every tribe in your leadership and governance. You spend too much time pursuing academic excellence forgetting that some of the most powerful and successful leaders do not hold all the qualifications your leaders boast of. Even my Tony Blair and Bill Clinton who are seen by many as successful leaders only hold bachelors degrees. I am respected everywhere I go not because of my qualification but my integrity and the size of my kingdom. Nelson Mandela is an example for Africa so I do not have to say much. I know he is quite old now but ask your leaders to arrange diner with him for some wise words. You said your country is selling Ghana Telecom to Vodafone. That must stop right away! You have enough high quality telecoms and management practitioners both home and abroad that can turn this place around. The reason why you cannot recruit is because of point 4 above. I will send some Ghanaian business developers and advisors working for us and the United States to help you resolve this issue.

I understand there has been an oil exploration and discovery which has brought a lot of joy to Ghanaians. Remember what I have done to your gold and think twice. My country as well as any other developed country will suck you dry, make a few people rich through bribery and corruption and leave the vast majority in the area poor and hungry. To make things worse we will pollute the local area with mineral waste which will have long term consequences to your population. Look at what is happening in Nigeria as an example and learn some lessons from them.

I have made the entry requirements to the UK tighter and tighter but I do realise that has not reduced the queues at the British High Commission. I will ask the Home secretary to review the case of Ghana. I have also reviewed the student visa renewal fees in the UK to £700 which is to serve as a deterrent for people to extend their stay in the UK. But remember all these will only work if your economy is good enough to sustain everyone. Remember you have better weather and social structures and your people will only travel to the UK for economic gains. My country is bleeding as I write with a teenager being murdered every 24hrs surely this is not a place to bring up young Ghanaians. It’s a shame you haven’t improved on any of the institutions we left you including Korle Bu Teaching hospital. I will expect you to cut down on government expenditure for MPs and senior government officials and redirect all those resources to improving the facilities of your teaching hospitals in Accra and Kumasi. Your qualification and curriculum authority should start putting together a strategy for expanding these resources and attracting private sector to develop training centres in the “non traditional” sector. I’m informed that the private sector and some other institutions are helping your efforts in this area but there is too much duplication. Focus on quality and not quantity for “knowledge is power”.

Since I instructed Gordon Brown and his G8 allies to write off your debt, I understand you have gone into debt again. I will forgive you this time but remember, it is the extravagant living that your senior public servants enjoy that is the root of this problem. Why did you buy so many cars for your independence celebration when you don’t have a budget surplus? Why did you spend so much on awarding silly achievements when you don’t have a budget surplus? Why did you order a presidential plane when you don’t have a budget surplus? My country cannot always come to your aid therefore you have to learn to “cut your coat according to your size” as you Ghanaians will say. You keep on repeating the mistakes that you make and that have been the problem for all my former colonies in Africa.

Remember, life is not all about politics as you Ghanaians think and practice. Leave the politicians to do politics and the rest of the citizens to contribute to the development of the country in whatever activity they perform. Advise the medical doctors, university lecturers, and senior public officers etc. to refrain from politics because their contributions to the economy are more important than the lying tongues of the politicians. Change does not alloy come from a leader/manager, each of you individual Ghanaians can play a role in your pursuit of economic well being, social justice and success for all. Just reflect for an hour or two on what small step you and your family and friends can take that will bring change to your life or someone else and that will start a chain reaction which can have very positive effects. I told the Singaporeans this same thing 35 years ago and I’m happy it has worked for them. Today you will not see a Singaporean sweeping the streets of London or cleaning the kitchens in our restaurants.

My grandson once told me a security guard at his University was a Ghanaian who holds an MBA so I asked Tony Blair at that time whether the requirements to guard my gates have gone so high. He quipped; the Africans have raised the bar.

I will give you a last opportunity to redress all these issues which will be up for review by 2015 which is the date you agreed under MCA to turn Ghana into a middle income country. If you meet all these conditions, I will also meet whatever demands you make of me. Remember, independence was NOT a MISTAKE but your policies that have followed your independence. Australia voted 3/4 years ago to keep me as head of state but I hardly see them yet they are doing well.

Best wishes for the future. I hope you enjoy a free and fair election in December unlike Zimbabwe who also wrote to me 3 years ago.

Yours truly, Paapa Shiloh (for the Queen)

CC John A Kuffour AU Presidents/Leaders

Ricky Wagus