More National Awards on the Way

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A couple of days ago, Mr. Andrew Awuni, Press Secretary and Presidential Spokesman to President Kufour issued press release portions of which are quoted below.

“President J. A. Kufuor has in accordance with the National Honors Warrant of the Republic of Ghana (1960), instituted new National Awards as follows:

THE GRAND ORDER OF THE STAR AND EAGLES OF GHANA, to be the highest State Award of Ghana. Only those who legitimately attain the high office of President of the Republic of Ghana are entitled to this award. In this regard, the two persons who currently qualify for this award are President John Agyekum Kufuor and former President Flt. Lt. (rtd) Jerry John Rawlings.

Similarly, Vice Presidents of the Republic of Ghana qualify for THE ORDER OF THE STAR-COMPANION.

Accordingly, current Vice President Alhaji Aliu Mahama and former Vice President Professor John Evans Atta Mills are entitled to the ORDER OF THE STAR-COMPANION. The ORDER OF THE STAR-COMPANION may however also be awarded to such personalities, nationals or foreigners who might be adjudged as deserving……………..”

Following the resounding popular acclaim that this bold initiative has garnered both locally and internationally, some of us believe that President Kufuor deserves more opportunities to nominate himself for more than one national award. We therefore recommend that the President “in accordance with the National Honors Warrant of the Republic of Ghana (1960)” institute new additional National Awards as follows:

1. THE SUPER GRAND ORDER OF STRIPES AND FLYING PORCUPINES OF GHANA

Only those who legitimately attain the high office of President of the Republic of Ghana and have logged over 30,000 miles overseas air travel time on official duties are entitled to this award. In this regard, the only person who currently qualifies for this award is President John Agyekum Kufuor.

Similarly, Vice Presidents of the Republic of Ghana qualify for THE SUPER GRAND ORDER OF STRIPES AND FLYING PORCUPINES OF GHANA - COMPANION. Accordingly, current Vice President Alhaji Aliu Mahama is entitled to THE SUPER GRAND ORDER OF STRIPES AND FLYING PORCUPINES OF GHANA – COMPANION. Former Vice President Prof. John Atta Mills has been adjudged as not qualifying for THE SUPER GRAND ORDER OF STRIPES AND FLYING PORCUPINES OF GHANA - COMPANION.

THE SUPER GRAND ORDER OF STRIPES AND FLYING PORCUPINES OF GHANA may not be awarded to any other personalities, nationals or foreigners.

2. THE PREMIER GRAND ORDER OF THE QUILT AND PEACOCKS OF GHANA

Only those who legitimately attain the high office of President of the Republic of Ghana and are listed among the best dressed (suit-wearing) heads of state in the world is entitled to this award. In this regard, the only person who currently qualifies for this award is President John Agyekum Kufuor.

Vice Presidents of the Republic of Ghana qualify for THE PREMIER GRAND ORDER OF THE QUILT AND PEACOCKS OF GHANA - COMPANION.

However, current Vice President Alhaji Aliu Mahama and former Vice President Prof. John Atta Mills have been adjudged as not deserving of THE PREMIER GRAND ORDER OF THE QUILT AND PEACOCKS OF GHANA – COMPANION.

3. THE SUPREME ORDER OF THE MOON AND VULTURES to be one of the highest State Awards.

Only those who legitimately attain the high office of President of the Republic of Ghana and are incapable of disciplining Vice-Presidents, ministers, public servants, wives, sons, chiefs, aides, etc for graft, corruption and incompetence are entitled to this award. In this regard, the only persons who currently qualify for this award are President John Agyekum Kufuor and former President Jerry John Rawlings.

There are accompanying honors of COMPANION, OFFICER, MEMBER, AND THE GRAND MEDAL in the category of THE SUPREME ORDER OF THE MOON AND VULTURES for Vice Presidents, ministers, wives, sons, daughters, aides, etc and other foreigners who distinguish themselves in the art and science of public graft, corruption and incompetence.

4. THE SUPER DUPER GRAND ORDER OF THE BLIND MOLE

Only those who legitimately attain the high office of President of the Republic of Ghana and who by acts of omission, commission or perceived indifference have permitted incidences of armed robbery, ethnic/tribal animosities, contract killings, youth street hawking, etc. to fester and grow In this regard, the only person who currently qualifies for this award is President John Agyekum Kufuor.

5. THE ETERNAL ORDER OF RUMORED MALFECEANCE

This award confers secret membership on those personalities and nationals who are rumored to have to committed high crimes and misdemeanors that cannot be prosecuted and proven in a court of law. Due to the sensitive nature of the rumored offences and their implications for national security, their names remain classified and only those who legitimately achieve the high office of a sitting President of Ghana can have access to them.

In this regard, the only person who currently qualifies to access the names of these awardees is President John Agyekum Kufuor.

The rumored offences include fathering twins with a mistress living abroad, using the authority of public office to guarantee private loans for son and a village chief, diverting public funds to pay for girl friend’s abortion (and bankrupting the national airlines in the process), secret and under-reported sale of national assets overseas, 15% kickback etc.

Duly submitted on behalf of those of us who see nothing disingenuous and abhorrent about President John Agyekum Kufuor nominating himself for as many highest national honors of Ghana as there are. This is what democracy is all about!