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Opinions of Sunday, 26 June 2011

Columnist: Sarpong, Justice

Mills And NDC Hiring, 1.6 Million Jobs Available

Though the sector Minister, E.T Mensah who should have known about the 1.6 million jobs created by NDC within one year of its assumption of office cannot even tell Parliament one job being created by this team "B" administration, the man who broke the "NDC record Job creation" still insist he got the figures from heads of various government agencies.

"A Deputy Information Minister, Samuel Okudzeto Ablakwa has downplayed suggestions that he misinformed Ghanaians when he announced the Mills administration had created 1.6 million jobs within a year.

According to him, his announcement was backed by figures made available to him by heads of various government agencies that provided jobs for the unemployed."

Most of these NDC schoolboys Ministers either failed Basic statistics or they are living in a lalaland. Government employs less than one million Ghanaians so I would like to know where these jobs are.

President Mills, don't worry about creating jobs for the youth, you've already created enough jobs, 1.6 million of them. These jobs can be had without filling a long application with strigent qualifications. All you need is to be an NDC member with names difficult to pronounce. First names like Prosper, Edem and Wisdom are an advantage. These jobs are:

1. DEMONSTRATING JOBS-700,000: -Qualification: Young men and women with NDC destructive background able to consume a jorum of Akpeteshie and apio, strong hands to hurl shitbombs. Send Appliication to the Castle, care Koku Anyidoho. Application deadline, December 30th 2012. Benefits include Heroes Funds if you are maimed in the course of performing your duties.

2.SEZING TOILET JOBS. 100,000- . Qualification. NDC background and ability to wield cutlass and other destructive missiles. You should have strong nostril to ward off stench. Application should be sent and addressed to Koku Anyidoho at the Castle not later than December 30th, 2012 Benefits include stealing toilet Rolls without being prosecuted for any crimes.

3.SEIZING NHIS, NYEP offices JOBS-100,000 Qualification. This is the creme of the crop jobs so one should have at least a Middle School Leaving Certificate or a letter of drop-out from their JSS Headmaster. Application deadline: 12/30?2010. Benefits, death is very rampant on this job but benefits on this job include Heroes Funds if you are maimed in the course of performing your duties and you can assume any position in these agencies.

4.CAR STEALING JOBS-100,000. Must be an NDC registered member with an ability to drive and a Passport to drive across Ghana-Togo border. Contact Alex Segbefia at the Castle or phone Carl Wilson at his hideout, 024911-CAR JOBS. Application deadline: Till NDC is voted out of office. Benefits include owning any car you reposses, free border crossing pass without any CEPS Official snopping about your activities.

5.SETTING FIRE JOBS-100,000 Must be as smart as a fox to elude authorities. Able to tell petrol from kerosene. Mostly night work with darkness as a companion. Training can be provided at Rawlings School of Torching buildings. Contact Murderer Rawlings or Yaa Beauty, aka Akwele Wang Yu, aka Yaa Konadu Agyeman Rawlings. Application deadline. ONGOING. Pays really good. Benefits include Steaingl house contents before burning the house.

6.RAPING&ARMED ROBBERY JOBS-200,000 Qualification- Young men with NDC background, ability to go many rounds with young women after robbing houses. Older men can be accepted if they can take Viagra or Cialis in large quantities. Contact Captain Mfodjoh of NDC at Parliament house or send your Application to Alan Bagbin or Doe Adjaho at Parliament house. You can also contact Alan Bagbin during Cabinet meetings. Benefits include, really good wages, 'sexing' young women and keeping everything you can steal.

7.COCOA SMUGGLING JOBS-100,000 Qualifications- Must be an NDC member with working knowledge about Aflao. Citizens of Aflao are encouraged to apply. Knowledge of Togo languages is an advantage. Contact Alex Segbefia at the Castle or beaver teeth Ablakwa Okudzeto at the Information Ministry. Ability to earn depends on how much cocoa sacks you can haul on your back. Deadline, until NDC is voted out of office. Benefits include earning a strong "Cefa instead of the useless cedi and marrying a Togolese woman with your new found wealth.

8.SEIZING MCE'S AND DCE'S-50,000 Qualification. SEE QUALIFICATIONS FOR Toilet seizing jobs. Send application to the Mr Newman at the Castle.

9.SEIZING LORRY PARK JOBS-25,000 SEE QUALIFICATIONS FOR Toilet seizing jobs. Send application to the Mr Newman at the Castle.

10.MANSION BUILDING JOBS-100,000 Qualifications-You have to be an NDC foot(Fool) soldier with destructive tendencies and have taken your anti-malaria shots because the person doing this hiring is General Mosquito who feeds on blood. For jobs in Accra and Kumasi, contact General Mosquito or Ama Densua at East Legon. Cape Coast jobs, contact Benyiwa Doe or Allotey Jacobs. For jobs in Brong Ahafo, contact Hana Bissiw at Techimantia job site. Deadline for this job. When NDC is voted out of power. Benefits include free accomodations at uncompleted buildings and stealing your masters cement or blocks is not criminalized. You can steal as much as you can, all steal be steal.

11.ADOMI BRIDGE AND OTHER TOLLING BOOTH JOBS-25,000 Qualification. Must be an NDC registered member from Asuogyaman constituency in Eastern Region. No qualification needed as long as you can breath and remember what your name is. You must have a cargo pants with a lot of pockets to hide a load of coins. FOR ADOMI BRDIGE JOBS, CONTACT LOVEJOY DUSI, Chairman of NDC Asuogyaman Constituency.Deadline; When NDC is voted out of office. Benefits. Earning potential is enormous. You keep whatever you collect from motorists and can team with armed robbers by providing them with information about cars carrying costly goods.

"Thursday, 15 April 2010 Chairman of the ruling National Democratic Congress (NDC) in the Asuogyaman constituency of the Eastern region, Love Joy Dusi, together with some of his executive members and NDC youth in the area, yesterday took over the toll booths at the popular Adomi Bridge at Atimpoku in a military fashion. When DAILY GUIDE spoke to the constituency chairman, he said it was the district assembly which was taking over the running of the toll booths and as the chairman of the sub-committee on finance and administration at the assembly, he organized about 20 men from his party to take over. “We did not use any force. We just told the operators to leave the place because they are thieves and cannot be trusted,” According to him, the people working there were causing serious financial loss to the NDC government and needed to be booted out. “Monies being collected here are going into private pockets and we will not sit down to allow this to continue. The bridge is weak and the NDC government needs money to rehabilitate it so we are taking over to manage it properly”.

This is what we call job creation. You throw legitimate well qualified employees to the street and let your illiterate armed robbing Party foot soldiers to line their pockets with state money and it is called job creation, NDC style. Folks, we need to pray hard for 2012 to come and boot these armed robbers from office before they dismantle the country beyond repairs.

Justice Sarpong

Houston, Texas.