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Opinions of Friday, 9 September 2011

Columnist: Amissah, Kofi Isaac

Married Women Running Away After Arriving Abroad?

Marriage is seen as healthy institution since the creation of God,
and it is accepted by all the nineteen major religious affinities,
which include the Christianity religion, Jehovah' s Witnesses,
Islam, Atheism, Bahai, Buddhism, Candomble, Hinduism,
Jainism, Judaism, Mormonism, Rastafari and Paganism.
The rest are Santeria, Shinto, Sikhism, Taoism, Unitarianism
as well as Zoroastrianism.

To wit, no particular religious body abhor marriage and this
is why parents encourage their children to marry thus as to
gain respect in society and to help the growth of a nation
through procreation. Apart from religious requirements, our
African cultural and traditional souls are core values to hold
in highly esteemed level. If we all know the merits and
importance of marriage, why do some of our African married
ladies get to abroad and run away from their husbands?

Both the married and unmarried Africans living abroad are
perturbed one way or the other: The married African man
whose wife is living in his homeland or native country is faced
with the problem of using hefty sum of money to bring his wife
from Africa to come live with him abroad. Again, he is having
the problem of how to nurture her to suit his life and the
economic and social nature of the said abroad country the
wife has come to reside with him. On the contrary, the
unmarried African man faces the problem of whether to marry
a lady from the abroad nation he lives or to go to his country
to marry.

There is no vivid statistic in Ghana or Nigeria or any other
African country to depict the rate at which married ladies
living in African practice infidelity or adultery but if programs
aired on the various Ghanaian Radio or Fm stations globally
are anything to be measured or go by, then one will be closer
to excellent to say many African men whose wives are living
in Africa are still not breathing well--they are always sitting
on thorns with their wives back home in Africa. This becomes
evident when phone calls always turn into fights, pettiness,
trivialities and accusations.

Is your husband living abroad and cheating on him in Africa?
For example, when recently five Ghanaian radio stations activated
their phone-lines and asked married women who have ever
cheated on their husbands living abroad, I was astonished to
count as many as 25-married women. As some cried aloud
and asked for ways to stop, other married ladies were not
disturbed at all and said they can not stop flirting with their
boyfriends. "Wow! This is unfortunate", I said.
Are you amazed that out of four children a man living abroad
had with his wife, only one is the man' s true biological child,
courtesy blood test?

And are you worried that some of these ladies come abroad
and run away from their marital homes and flee to live with their
class-mates and boyfriends they already have abroad?
Why do you think some married women run away after coming
to their husbands abroad?

The first answer is, a lot of African men living abroad cheat
and maltreat ladies they know here(say in U.S, Europe, Asia, etc.)
and later want to get "angel ladies" to marry from Africa. And can
anybody dispute the well rehearsed American adage, "whatever
goes around come around?" Of course, no. If you lead sound,
exemplary and healthy live worthy of emulation abroad and you
pray to God, surely, He is more than faithful to give you an
equally good lady.

Secondly, many African men living abroad use over dependence
of ladies pictures given them from ladies they have not seen before
or the use of the advent of social media(facebook, myspace, etc.) to
look for their wives. The use of pictures to marry a lady you have not
known before is not only a risk, it can also lead to short marriage life
span--say only between three and five-year period.

The third reason why some married women get to abroad and take to
their heels is the fact that many of the men living abroad tell lies a lot
to the ladies in Africa. Love is love. Love is a simple thing: It' s naturally
known, felt, reasoned and deduced. If a lady living in Africa really loves
you, she will surely as of your age, visions or plans, religion, where
you' re from, education, profession, whether you' re really single or
have a child or you smoke or drink, mention just a few. Thus, learn to be
simple and honest.

If your profession abroad is house-keeping at a hospital or home-care
or hotel, tell her the truth. If you' re taxi driver, let her know
before she comes.
If you are not an accountant, engineer, doctor, lawyer, pastor, etc. do not
be a braggart or blow your own horn deceptively. Remember that ladies are
very intelligent and they remember all you tell them on phone. Why should
you tell a lady you want to marry from Africa or your wife living in Ghana or
Nigeria that you are living in your own acquired or purchased private house
when in fact, you 're aware that you are in a small studio or one room with a
room-mate? If you tell her any lies and she is not a very good devoted
Christian or Moslem or her parents have not brought her up with the sense of
purpose and kindness, she will surely run away. But if she doesn't, she might
choose having affairs without your knowledge.

Nonetheless, one important factor which makes some African ladies run away
from their husbands is "showering of money". Countless men living abroad think
that by virtue of the power of U.S dollars ($) or European pounds,
they can dictate
the pace to the ladies living in Africa. No. It does not work properly
thus. Note this:
There is a vast difference between giving a lady money from your heart without
having any "attachment" with it or without having any mindset of going to Ghana
or Nigeria one day to have sex with her to recoup your $ and proposing
love to her
and start giving her money through the various money transfers. Please, do good
for good. Because it is one best way God blesses people. What most of
African men
living abroad don't know is that a larger number of the ladies they
talk on phone to in
Africa are having their own serious boyfriends or dating-lovers. In
many cases, there
are rich men in Africa(some are married there and just using these
ladies for extra
sex because of poverty) who rent homes for these ladies secretly. Thus
if you think
you live abroad and give her so $100 so she should love you for sex when you go
to Africa, the re-write your thinking notes very well. That's one
reason why some of
the ladies pretentious act to allow a man abroad to marry her; only
for her to get
to U.S or Europe and run away to her known lover abroad. But all run away ladies
are not having things on a silver-platter at all: They are facing the
music of God
on their minds. So why running away in the firs place?

Additionally, one surest way of seeing your newly arrival wife run
away is by bad
parents of your wife(your parents-in-law) or bad friends of your wife.
If God is not
on your side and your in-laws "damage, spoil and poison" the mind of your wife
before or after her arrival abroad, it may hammer you heftily and that
alone can see
your wife parking and leaving when you go to work. And if your wife already has
friends in the country she' s coming to, be prayerful.

The good scenario is that not all married ladies brought from Africa run away.
Some come here(in U.S) and help transform the husbands totally. And through
God fearing ethics, such ladies clean homes, do laundry, grocery and cook for
their husband and give their whole heart and love to their husbands.
After all, they
don't want to be ungrateful to their husbands or face the wrath o God one day.

Truly, men living in Africa also have their share:There are so many
men who are just
looking for ladies living abroad to marry and take advantage of them.
Whereas certain
men in Africa are looking for lady doctors, others are also seeking
for lady nurses. And
as other men are looking for lady pastors, some are searching for rich
ladies abroad.
But the truth is, I know of a lot of married ladies who came to U.S
from Ghana, Nigeria,
Senegal, Gambia, Togo, Ivory Coast, etc. who were brought by their husbands and
fled from their husbands and married same African men from the
countries I have just
enumerated above. Interestingly, all such marriages ended abruptly
into the ditch of
dejection. Don't do evil to any human or else your conscience and soul
will never be
delighted. And the huge question is:Have you taken someone' s wife from airport
and snatched her? Do yo know how much it cost men to bring their wives abroad;
only for you to practice sex with them or take them forever? Be careful!
Why do you think married women run away more than married men?

Never use assumption to think (that) all African ladies or men are the
same:The fact that
we know of a few married ladies or men ran away after arriving abroad
does not mean
the man or lady you want to marry from Africa and bring him or her
settle with you abroad
will run away. Just be a prayerful person. Be an optimist. And,
always, never use any
malapropism statement when talking about yourself to an unknown lady
or man living in
Africa. Be real! Be honesty because honesty pays a great dividend.

Written by: Isaac Amissah.
Facebook: Isaac Amissah.

This writer is a radio presenter(talk host) of Volta Power Fm and you
can listen to his programs
every Monday at (click on "ON AIR" at the top
right of your pc) from
5-10p.m Eastern Time of U.S (Ghana time 9pm-1a.m).