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Opinions of Friday, 22 July 2016

Columnist: Counsellor Frank Adofoli

Lifestyle: What daughters need to know before marriage

For two days now, I have been down and helpless. Helpless in the sense that, I am like a doctor watching his friend die just because he can't do anything about her illness.

A good friend and kind woman I know, fell in love with and got married to someone, whom society will describe as below her standard and expectation; yet she did all she could to make the relationship work. She sacrificed body and soul, material and heart, just to make their marriage work.

But just as waters have their boiling point, she just broke down when she got to the limit and could take it no longer. As I watch her slowly but painfully let go of a relationship she had sacrificed so much for, there was nothing I could do as a counselor than to pray with them.

Yes, mistakes are part of life but I can't afford to allow my daughter repeat mistakes people made; I will rather teach her some lessons now for her to abide by, for obedience is better than sacrifice.

Every great cook knows the importance of the right kind of ingredient to achieve a great taste. In the same way, well known restaurants have their signature on the taste of their food, which shows how they don't take anything less when it comes to the right kind of ingredients.

I will teach my daughter to accept nothing less. Never allow any man who wants to marry her disrespect her.

When you lose respect, you lose love. The two go together. A man who treats her as a priority, not his downtime, spare time or sometime; but as his all-time. If he can't be there for her all the time, then he is not worth her time.

I will teach her to learn to live alone till the time is right for her to go into marriage. The truth is, the people who are capable of being alone are capable of love, of sharing, of going into the deepest core of another person without possessing the other, without becoming dependent on the other, without reducing the other to a thing and without becoming addicted to the other.

Rather allow her partner absolute freedom because her happiness doesn't depend on him but on herself, and her happiness cannot be taken away. She ought to be a God fearing woman and well established. Someone who won't change just for a man to like her. But be a reflection of the man she wants to get married to.

This also means preparation is the key; any house without a solid foundation will surely crumble.

The man who wants to marry her must be led by God, a man whose roots are deep in God. With such a man, there is no reason to fear the winds that blows marriages. Not a man who walks with God while holding hands with the devil; not a good looking Christian who tries to lure her into sin.

She will value her body, she won't go out advertising her husband's goods and giving out free samples to boys.

She won't take off her panties because he called her sweet names, but will take them off because he is married to her and is in loved with her.

She won't go for riches, rather for a rich heart. Her humble number one rule is “never to be number two”.

In conclusion "In Praise of a Good Wife; A truly good wife is the most precious treasure a man can find!" - Proverbs 31:10 (CEV).

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