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Opinions of Thursday, 2 November 2017

Columnist: Azeko Razak

Letter to my unborn child

Dear unborn child,

Today, expect not the usual fatherly letters I send you periodically. I live in fear, my body cringes as I try hard to place my trembling phalanges on the keyboard. My atmosphere is best described as ghastly.

You are 36 weeks in utero today. My ambivalent mood is not good for celebration. However, I must congratulate you for the victory you chalked exactly 36wks ago today. You won a race amongst your peers, of over 300million spermatozoa. I'm not oblivious of the dangers you went through. Not only did you win a race; you overcame the slippery acidic medium to strike the ovum.

In a couple of weeks, you may navigate your way out of foetal life. Please! I have an appeal to make. Keep my appeal as sacrosanct as the promises of Jesus Christ to his followers. Is not my intention to flood you with sermon this morning. But Christ the everlasting Messiah, the son of Joseph ......Errrr Son of God said He will come back for his servants. I don't know if Judas will make it to the final list? As for me and my family, we are in a comfortable lead. What is certain is that his coming is imminent Even the blind can see it. The lepers can feel it too.

My dear unborn child, my appeal is short like Funny Face's sexual threshold. Just 2minutes of your time will do. PLEASE DO NOT COME NOW. At least take a cue from the Son of Joseph and stay in longer.

Our country is not safe. The president seems not to have the muscle to crash these hooligans. The police say, their hands are tired. The clergy says they are not safe any longer.

The immediate past president says the silence of the moralists in our society is tragic. The list is countless. The only worrying part is the deafening silence from my mentor: a one time "Jnr Jesus” H.E JJ Rawlings. I wish he "booms." Could it be that the original KB report has kept the Oldman busy? Even Dr Valerie Sawyerr has resurrected from her nearly tragic epistle to condemn same..

In case, you defy my appeal and want to come, please, come as a TESCON member or better still come with NPP colours around your neck. As long as George Ayisi Boateng remains a Diplomat, you may be denied a sterile warm wrap in the hands of lily-livered midwives.

My second appeal is for you to be courageous like His Excellency Nana Addo, have humour like Akua Donkor, Ultimately, have a vision and speak like the former President H E JM. By this, you get a clue of what I want from you in this turbulent world? Please come as a politician.

My job as a medical practitioner is not yielding dividends compared to that, a classmate of mine. He is the representative of the government in the village now. He rules, that part of the country. He spends our taxes. He tells us when to sleep and wake up.

Your father's job only gives him fame amongst his peers and the community. If you want, call it showmanship. In reality, however, I struggle to pay the bills. I have less time for your mum. The kids in the ward see the devil in me. My best friend is the "scalpel”, I use to harvest diseased organs.

Come as a politician. And in case you make your way to the Presidency, do not employ your family and friends. Do not preside over lawlessness, corruption etc. Please do away with any form of forces.
We currently have delta forces, invincible forces, kyebi forces etc. The country is OK with the Ghana Armed forces

Hello! Dr.

Hi! Nurse in charge

Nurse: we have an emergency case.

Dr: What case is it?

Nurse: A 36weeks G6p5 with abruptio placentae.

Dr: Please call the anaesthetist. I'm on my way to the theatre.

My dear unborn child, I have emailed you the latest technological APP we have in Ghana. Even Trump's America, UK and Germany can't dare us.

It is called the ghanapostgps app. Hahahahahhaha.

Locate me anytime, anywhere. Any question about it efficiency, cost, safety, value for money ask the beauty queen turned minister.

Bye! I am off to work.