Letter from The President XI: An Ode to the ‘trotro’

Countrymen and women, loyalists and opponent,
As you may well be aware, the man Otanka has been behaving and talking very childish since he came out to publicly deny media reports which suggested that he was dead. I get the impression that he is still struggling to convince Ghanaians that he’s alive. A few weeks ago, I saw him on all the TV news bulletins munching some doughnuts like a hungry child from Somalia. The unspoken statement he made then was, “look I am eating, do ghosts eat?”

Shortly thereafter, he addressed a meeting in Accra and virtually begged those in attendance to realize the importance of his ministry. He said something to the effect that his ministry, that is the modernization part, is doing so much to let Ghanaians know that his “appointment was not useless after all.” It was very gratifying, hearing Otanka attempt so desperately to convince Ghanaians that he is still very important in my scheme of things even though he’s been sliding to the lower rungs of the elephant ladder in recent months.

Gone are the days when he was the man in charge of presidential affairs (i.e. responsible for the type of t-roll I used, the ‘pieto’ I wore and the potency of the ‘apio’ I should drink etc.) Then he had my ear 24 hours a day, because I trusted him. Then he acted silly (I am shy to speak about what he did exactly) and so I decided to make him my gong-gong beater. He behaved silly again by beating the gong-gong by heart (with such monotonous regularity) at very odd hours. So I put him in charge of cleaning the filth in Accra. This is a job I expected Otanka to do with his mouth firmly shut, making only some whining noises to show remorse and anger at a job he cannot do. Alas, for Otanka, keeping the upper lip on the lower one is as difficult as it is for me to stop globetrotting. All of a sudden, he is claiming that my mass transport system is under his ministry. Which ministry? Tourism or Filth?