Letter from The President: Advise for the Stuttering Blabbermouth

Countrymen and women, bootlicking loyalists and hard-to-please ?against? people, it?s me again ? your one and only Excellent One.

This past week has been very hectic for me. I have had to host a bunch of equally important Excellent Ones from the sub-region. Unfortunately, we didn?t have so much time (and opportunity) to pat ourselves for the very little we?ve done to take our people out of poverty and squalor. This was because the Managing Director of the World Bank was in our midst. You should have been there to see Excellent Ones at their bootlicking best. We were all making demands on him and therefore we needed to be at our best behaviours to increase our chances of getting what we wanted. At the end of the summit and after he had made me (and members of my cabinet) rattle various renditions of the ?beggar?s tune? he decided to give us a few hundreds of millions of dollars over a four-year period. The amount does not even make a tenth of what the Bushman spent on bombs in Iraq but it?s okay for us.