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Opinions of Saturday, 9 May 2015

Columnist: Gyimah, Gilbert Adu

Kofi Dubai Writes About: The Smart, The Insulting and The Appointees

Dear Country Folks,

I have not done badly with my life. No one who has ascended to the high office of President can be said to be a loser. Or can they be?

My success in my post-independence life has not been due so much to smartness as due to smooth talking or as some might say “raps”. No wonder in my professional life, some have described me as a Communications Expert.

But even in this field of communications, lately things have not been going too well. Lately I have been having some doubts about the potency of my gift-of-the garb, even if you, my dear country-folks have not.

Please be candid with me and tell me if referring to myself as suffering from “dead goat syndrome” regarding the problems of you poor country-folks smacked of good and sensitive communications. As if that was not insulting enough, I have sprinkled some more insults on managers of hard-hit, dumsor-suffering Ghanaian businesses by accusing them of not being smart enough to hold their businesses together in the face of dumsor. No shaking, my “raps” will help me wiggle out of this one just like I have been able to wiggle my way out of previous messes.

Some of you country-folks have accused me of not exercising strong enough discipline over my appointees. The accusations have included: 1. Promoting Hon. Elvis Afriyie Ankrah from Minister of Youth and Sports to Minister at the Presidency in recognition of his bungling performance in Brazil that earned Ghana prime spot on the World Stage for the most outrageous of reasons.

2. Promoting Hon. Mahama Ayariga from Minister of Youth and Sports to Minister of Environment, Science, Technology and Innovation…quite a mouthful there. Ayariga’s promotion was in recognition of his dexterity at putting journalists in their proper place. In response to a question by Adom FM’s Captain Smart over how some public funds were spent, Hon Ayariga retorted that Captain Smart was asking him “useless questions”. What impressed me was that in the face of public pressure for Ayariga to apologize, he stood his ground and flatly refused. I promoted him without hesitation.

3. Promoting Mr. Sam George from a member of the NDC Communications Team to a Presidential Staffer. I am not too sure if this promotion was before or after Mr. George had cast a rather pathetic aspersion about the disability of the General Secretary of the CPP, Mr. Ivor Greenstreet. According to Mr. George, Mr Greestreet’s disability which had confined him to a wheel chair may have something to do with his inability to see the big picture.

For your information, dear Country-folks, I don’t only have the spirit of a dead goat (yentie obiaa) but I also have a spirit of magnanimity. I shall not fire any of my appointees simply because they may have offended some of you. I look for results in terms of ability to get in the votes for my re-election

So in line with my spirit of magnanimity, please do not be too surprised if you hear of the following promotions in the very near future: 1. Honorable Murtala Mohamed earns a promotion to a yet-to-be announced ministry in spite of his recent blitzkrieg of attacks against another of my appointee ministers. His beef was that this minister was using his “filthily acquired wealth” to cause disaffection for him (Murtala) in his constituency by bribing Chiefs and Imams. There were other less palatable accusations but I shall spare you those.

2. Presidential Staffer Alhaji Halidu Haruna earns a promotion that I shall announce in my next presidential letter. This promotion shall be in spite of his recent branding of some Ghanaian women as prostitutes. The women so branded by Alhaji Haruna had incurred the wrath of Alhaji because they had dared to criticise my Administration.

Until I am back again with another Presidential letter, stay SMART.

Kofi Dubai (His Excellency in Smartness, Showmanship and Communications)

Gilbert Adu Gyimah Edmonton, AB, Canada