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Opinions of Sunday, 7 November 2010

Columnist: Appiah, Okofrompa Asantiniba Kwame

John Agyekum Kuffour, Most Useless President Ever

If there ever was competition for a president whom so much was given and so much was expected, but who delivered so little, John Agyekum Kuffour will win hands down. JA Kuffour was more interested in his personal comfort than the needs of the people who elected him president. Kuffour was elected on the back of widespread dissatisfaction with the corruption and nepotism pervasive under Rawlings and NDC. But this clown took corruption and nepotism to a whole new apogee. He presided over such an overtly corrupt administration that the good people of Ghana wished for and actually voted the NDC back into office. To me that is the ultimate indictment of the presidency of Kuffour. Kuffour can blame Akuffo-Addo all he wants about losing to Atta Mills, but it was his fault. If he had performed as expected, it would have been a landslide victory for Akuffo-Addo and NPP. There would have also been a net gain in parliamentary seats for the NPP. He was happy adorning himself with gold medals and necklaces. He is indeed an Ashanti ‘bogga’.
Among others, Kuffour and his cronies’ looted plum state lands in Accra, Tema, and Kumasi. They stole state cars, assets, properties, and state owned corporations. One guy went as far as to steal all the furnishings and fittings in his official bungalow; freezers, AC units, curtains, pots and pans, cups and plates, blenders, toilets, plungers, brooms, etc. This guy even stole the ‘apotoyowa’ in the bungalow. Kuffour’s children who were paupers’ weeks before his presidency suddenly turned into dollar millionaires. His nephews and nieces found all kinds of plum positions in government. Even his village chief was elevated to official King of Ghana.
Like any Ashanti ‘bogga’, JA loved to travel. He travelled like Pope John Paul II in his prime. He travelled, presumably, to canvass for investment for the motherland. Folks speculated that he travelled for Per Diem and even went as far as to nickname him ‘Wofa Per Diem’. There may be some truth in the argument as he increased Per Diem almost 4000% on assumption of office. No wonder Per Diem was a national secret during Kuffour’s presidency. However, if JA travelled for the Per Diem, he would have visited the Northern, Upper and other remote regions to earn Per Diem. He did not visit the hinterlands as much and I will posit that he travelled outside the country just for travelling sake. Like any Ashanti ‘bogga’, anywhere outside Ghana is better. Bermuda is preferable to Bechem, Korea to Kasoa, Ankara to Atebubu, Taiwan to Temale, Hawaii to Hwediam, Togo to Tuobodom, Fernão do Pó Fa Bodea Beto Me Chalk, etc. Ash town ‘bogga’ will rather clean toilets and butts in Bronx than be a bank manager in Ghana!
Also, like any ‘bogga’, JA loved cars. American, Japanese, German, Korean, Chinese, he did not care. As long as it was sleek, beautiful, black and expensive, JA was all for it. He loved cars so much he stole over half a dozen state owned cars and packaged them off as part of his end of service benefits (ESB). He wanted his black ass to ride in style even in retirement. JA, do you think Ghana is there to satisfy your insatiable appetite for the good things in life? For a man who never worked an honest day in his life, he surely loved the good things in life. His only noticeable effort at honest employment was the failed brick and tile factory. His crony and comrade in corruption Yaw Osafo Marfo bailed him out of his debts to BHC. Yaw Osafo, MP Akim Oda, the man with glasses like welders goggles and whose face has been described as a face only a mother can love! Yaw Osafo, the specialist in single source contracting and twenty percent at the top; text book printing, Chinese built stadia, Coppon Sawmills basic school furniture, etc. Yaw Osafo, the man vying with Mpianim for the title of ugliest man alive in Ghana.
In my opinion all Kuffour’s actions and inactions are forgivable, but his inability to fire Dr. Richard Winifred Anane. That singular action cemented his reputation as the most useless president in Ghana. Mo Ibrahim did the honorably thing by ignoring Kuffour for his leadership award. Dr. RichDick Anane had the balls to admit to the whole world that he was sleeping around with foreign women for the benefit of mother Ghana. Bunkum! Nkwasiasem! What kind of nonsensical statement is that? If we need citizens to sleep with foreign women for the benefit of mother Ghana, we have professionals for the job. Real professionals who pack 9 plus inches of steel in their pants and who can make women speak in tongues. Hilbabababababa baa baaa aaaaah aaaaaaaaah! Professionals who can make women see stars. Professionals who can make women exhale with pure joy and ecstasy. Professional who can make women sing “I feeeeeeeel like a naaatu-ral woman”. Not wimpy RichDick Anane. RichDick Anane, the man who cannot get ‘it’ up without “Akokora bebo ball”, Alomo bitters, and Vitamin V (Viagra).
RichDIck Anane kept his job because Kuffour did not have the balls to fire him for that admission. Forget his corrupt ways; forget the huge transfers to his paramour. Forget a minister of health and a medical doctor engaging in unprotected sex with a strange woman during an international AIDS/HIV conference. I am not surprised Kuffour has also been accused of fathering twins also with a light skinned foreign woman. I guess birds of the same feathers indeed flock together. I want to remind JA with this ode that we have not forgotten him.

JA Kuffour
Thinks he is smart and cool
Ghanaians know him as a drool
Better still as a fool
Never the brightest tool
In the shed, his family, or in school
How he ended up on the stool
It must have been a very weak pool
JA Kuffour
Has a brain that he will never use
Ghanaians know him as a louse
Better still as obtuse
Forever cheating on his spouse
Like Dr. Anane he is easy to arouse
Present a fair maiden and they can’t refuse
These scumbags belongs in a whore house

JA Kuffour
Carries himself as an erudite
Ghanaians know him as opposite
Better still as a parasite
Ever the cockroach, flea, tick or mite
Dangle a bribe and Wofa Per Diem will bite
His greed rivals his appetite
For gaudy women, exotic, and petite

JA Kuffour
A philanderer with no charm
Ghanaians watched his corrupt ways in alarm
Better still praying for a firearm
Cleaver or knife to end his reign of animal farm
And dispatch this pig with a sidearm
Never to hassle, harass or harm
My people so loving and so warm

Okofrompa Asantiniba Kwame Appiah