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Opinions of Thursday, 3 March 2016

Columnist: Francis Kwarteng

Is Mahama an angel with the heart of a devil?

Opinion Opinion

“Mahama has the face of an angel but the heart of a devil; all he cares about is how to win elections.”

“The NDC scribe [Johnson Asiedu Nketia] possesses evil powers which make his opponents powerless when they come into contact with him…The fashion sense of Asiedu Nketia scares children ‘which is clear indication that he is a wizard.’”


President Mahama is said to possess “the face of an angel” but “the heart of a devil.” Of course, that makes him an Orwellian Frankenstein monster then. Where did Madam Djaba see or meet an angel let alone see his/her face, and the devil let alone his/her heart? Was she merely being poetically satirical and politically mischievous? Well, she is the only one who knows the answers.

What is actually wrong with some of our leading politicians? Since when did President Mahama degenerate into a monstrous Frankenstein mongrel in the contorted image of the New Patriotic Party (NPP)? What had actually surprised and unnerved us, even at this very moment, was the fact that it took Madam Otiko Afiso Djaba so long to finally come to terms with or acknowledge that every politician, no less Führer Akufo-Addo and herself, is a harmful constitution of a devil’s heart and an angelic face.

Actually, God and Charles Darwin made the political animal that way, a Sphinx whose political nature is of a diabolical and Machiavellian grotesque caricature of sorts. On the other hand, we had thought she was rather going to say the totality of President Mahama’s being, anatomy and physiology, was the very essence of “the heart of a devil” itself, but her saying the president is rather a Sphinx with an angelic face and a devil’s heart, for us, gives us hope that all is not lost yet insofar as the political authority of the executive office. And what if President Mahama’s heart had been both of the devil and of stone? We mean a political character with a stony heart?

It appears then that Madam Djaba’s political descriptors for the president have all the emotionally antiquated and anachronistic hallmarks of stoned devilry and confused psychology. Now, it also looks as though our dubious democratic plantocracy has assumed the doppelgänger of political demonology and satanology, a befitting grotesque caricature of Madam Djaba herself and her roving polyandric political philanderer, Führer Akufo-Addo, a dodgy political glyph that teamed up with his Victorian bespectacled uncle, William Ofori-Atta to thwart the ambitious political geometry of Victor Owusu through the enabling shadows of ethno-national supremacy and Orwellian greediness, which we shall conveniently label Akyemocracy, in 1979.

It probably should be understandable to our readership that we also want to make it eloquently clear, that Madam Djaba’s emotionally confused psychology, rhetorical demonology and intellectual satanology, we guess, are also the magical handiwork of NDC’s political magus, High Priest Asiedu Nketia, also the Arthurian-Merlin Okomfo Anokye of today, a figure famous for his caustic Machiavellian politics and sharp slithering tongues and fangs. High Priest Asiedu Nketia, a steeled political transvestite and transsexual, known as such for his exquisite sartorial anachronism and grossly misplaced fashion sense, has been making the landscape of political heaven a living hell for his slimy political opponents, leading members of the NPP, namely, hence Yaw Adomako Baafi’s babyish rhetorical idiocy and diarrheic psychology.

More importantly, Bob Marley’s “Time Will Tell,” a piece whose sheet music High Priest Asiedu Nketia himself penned for the NPP with its superb choreographic accompaniment symbolized by Daddy Lumba’s highly danceable “Yentie Obiaa,” has the following memorable line and apocalyptic tone, which reads: “Think you’re in heaven, but ya in hell…” Ironically, it was here, this same so-called “living in hell” stratospheric limbo, where Yaw Adomako, of the NPP, and the High Priestess of political demonology and satanology, Madam Djaba, met High Priest Asiedu Nketia to feed on the blood of “children,” that is Ghanaians, the same stratospheric limbo whose majestic heavenly throne the angelic face and devil’s heart of President Mahama reside.

Also the “fashion sense” which Yaw Adomako Baafi identified with High Priest Asiedu Nketia, is the dodgy face which Führer Akufo-Addo wears all the while, both in public and in private. Führer Akufo-Addo’s facial “fashion sense” is a deeply disturbed question mark of a controlled wry smile as it is not infectious, and smacks of a Machiavellian character surfing on a painful cartoon page and screaming at the creeping unforgivableness of his burning hemorrhoidal constipation.

How then can a conscious living adult creature like Yaw Adomako Baafi, one of Führer Akufo-Addo’s friends, allow the political wisecracks and rhetorical bluntness of High Priest Asiedu Nketia to cower and unnerve him and other leading members of the NPP into a doll-like stupor and robotic foolery, when Führer Akufo-Addo is massaging his hemorrhoidal constipation without the assistance of High Priest Asiedu Nketia?

Is High Priest Asiedu Nketia a monstrous Frankenstein scarecrow? An evil genius perhaps? And if so, could he have been the source of Sir John’s perseverative deliria, Kennedy Agyapong’s episodic and mechanical tantrums and congenital lies, Führer Akufo-Addo’s two-time failed presidential bids, and the acid-bathing and internecine factional warfare in the NPP? More so, if High Priest Asiedu Nketia is an evil genius, as Yaw Adomako Baafi pontificates and an arrogant wizard one at that, and President Mahama is a monstrous Frankenstein mongrel with angelic face and a devil’s heart, and the NDC is the holy abode for arrogant wizards and devils, where are the Otabils, the Bishop Obinims, the Owuse-Bempahs, and all the other priestly politicians of the NPP?

After all, is it not said that it takes a devil to see one? And a wizard to see one? Is Madam Djaba a political witch? Is Yaw Adomako Baafi a political wizard himself? Should we send High Priest Asiedu Nketia and Yaw Adomako Baafi to a witch camp, and High Priestess Djaba, our beloved apocalyptic psychiatric and political prophesier, to a trokosi shrine? But then again, is High Priest Asiedu Nketia the Wizard of Oz, Salman Rushdie’s “The Wizard of Oz” perhaps? Are High Priest Asiedu Nketia and President Mahama satanic characters in Salman Rushdie’s “The Satanic Verses”?

Which political novels are Yaw Adomako Baafi and High Priestess Djaba reading then, if we may ask? Are they reading Mario Puzo’s “The Godfather” and its sequel, “The Sicilian,” where President Mahama is “The Godfather” and High Priest Asiedu Nketia “The Sicilian”? Or are they reading and watching “Harry Potter”? Or watching “The Emperor’s Club” where both President Mahama and High Priest Asiedu Nketia played Sedgewick Bell? Or “The Last King of Scotland” where President Mahama and High Priest Asiedu Nketia played Forest Whitaker and Idi Amin? Where then is this political devilry of the NPP coming from?

This is why High Priestess Djaba and Yaw Adomako Baafi, her paedomorphic Greco-Roman understudy, should bring the NDC to the hallowed attention of Dr. Otabil, Bishop Obinim, and frog-eyed Charlie Chaplain Owuse-Bempah. Even Kweku Bonsam, the spiritual mother of the NPP, can join the Christian clergy to exorcise the NDC and its political dormitories of stony-hearted devils and arrogant wizards.

Who knows, perhaps, High Priest Asiedu Nketia’s arrogant wizardry and President Mahama’s stony-hearted devil are hidden somewhere in the former’s asexual cassocks and surplices, as it were in faraway Germany.

Beyond these basic facts, one wonders why High Priest Asiedu Nketia’s anachronistic sartorial tranvestism and transsexualism should scare away children, men-children who easily pass for NPP communicators, leaders, policy and campaign strategists. We should seriously consider consigning politicians like Yaw Adomako Baafi to an insane asylum where he properly belongs.

Yet we also know that a political nymphomaniac like High Priestess Djaba has a soft spot for a masochistic political character like President Mahama, supposedly a political philander according to Yaw Adomako Baafi’s NPP. In other words, Führer Akufo-Addo may be scheming behind the scenes to get Djaba’s erectile manhood-mouth between President Mahama’s crotches. We understand the NPP is infatuated with President Mahama and therefore its tendency to stalk him for this very reason. Thus, all this tabloid talk of President Mahama being in possession of a devil’s heart, not the devil’s heart, taking note of the definite and indefinite articles in front of the word “devil,” and an angelic face, and High Priest Asiedu Nketia being an arrogant wizard and possessing evil powers, is all emotional talk aimed at political romance.

In this way, both High Priestess Atiko Afiso Djaba and Yaw Adomako Baafi may be in love in sexy High Priest Asiedu Nketia and President Mahama, for every political nymphomaniac loves a political philanderer, who has an angelic face when playing romance in bed and a devil’s heart, is it not so? Birds of a feather, they say, flock together. But, unfortunately, political ménage-a-trios involving the NPP and President Mahama and High Priest Asiedu Nketia ain’t gonna happen today or tomorrow.

Thus, we can understand why High Priestess Djaba says of sexy President Mahama: “all he cares about is how to win elections,” as if Führer Akufo-Addo does not care about winning elections, even though he [Führer Akufo-Addo] goes around the country begging Ghanaians to give him the royal entitlement when, sadly, he actually does not have an effective campaign strategy to speak of. Yet in the same breath High Priestess pitches Führer Akufo-Addo thusly: “We need a visionary leader like Nana Addo, who has the interest of the nation at heart to save us from this incompetent Mahama government.”

At heart? What is “at heart,” a devil’s or angel’s, did High Priestess Djaba have in mind when she spoke so romantically, idealistically, and highly of Führer Akufo-Addo as a visionary leader? And since she said Führer Akufo-Addo was a visionary leader, what is his political visual acuity, 20/20 as the great Osagyefo Dr. Kwame Nkrumah’s, Africa’s greatest man of the millennium? Is her erectile manhood-mouth not fit for Führer Akufo-Addo dysfunctional or non-erectile political campaign? And who is “we”? As an aside, is the NPP willing to buy High Priest Asiedu Nketia’s transvestite and transsexual window dress which he promises to auction for $1 million a decade from now? Where will all these politicians be in ten years from now? Ghana? Heaven? Hell?

Now Akua Donkor says Mahama is “God” and Honorable High Priestess Djaba also says the same man has “the face of an angel” and “the heart of a devil,” so which is which? Can our politicians exactly tell who this man truly is? Is NDC a political party for arrogant wizards and stony-hearted devils? Let us all learn to allow the dead to speak for themselves, for the living Ghanaian politician is already dead and living in hell though he thinks he is living in heaven! “Time,” Bob Marley says, “will tell.” He could not be further from the truth! Watch out for Atiko Afiso Djaba and Yaw Adomako Baafi!

Let us also add before we forget it, that each one of our politicians is an arrogant wizard or arrogant witch wearing the face of an angel but carrying the heart of the devil. Mind you readers, we will dare say “the devil” rather than “a devil” in reference to our politicians because we know who they are. And at this moment in time, we shall call on Honorable High Priestess Djaba, the sultry political diva also called Partisan Political Lilith, the stony-hearted devil’s wife with an angelic face herself, to lead part of the general chorus for Max Romeo’s roots reggae classic, otherwise titled “Chase the Devil”:

“Lucifer, son of the morning, I’m gonna chase you out of earth…I am gonna put on an iron shirt and chase Satan out of earth…I’m gonna send him to outer space to find another race…Satan is an evilous man…

Who does Madam Djaba think “Lucifer” is? Not President Mahama, the Ghanaian politician rather is! Satan? Not President Mahama, the Ghanaian politician rather is! “Out of earth”? Ghanaian politics! ‘“Iron shirt”? Power of the elective franchise? “Send him to outer space”? Throw out our duopolistic dictatorship? “And evilous man”? The Ghanaian politician! “Find another race”? Ghanaian politicians do not deserve the kindness of the longsuffering masses. And oh, let us humbly ask Yaw Adomako Baafi to sing Adomako Nyamekye’s “Adwoa Penema”…for Lady High Priestess Atiko Afiso Djaba. This powerful song could serve as an excellent political ménage-a-trios anthem for the third presidential bid of Führer Akufo-Addo! Amen!

Ghanaweb. “Mahama Has the Heart of A Devil.” Sourced from February 27, 2016.

Ghanaweb. “Asiedu Nketia is an ‘Arrogant Wizard.’” Sourced from February 26, 2016.

Kwame Frimpong. “Akua Donkor Has Become a Clown for Bribes from Mahama.” Ghanaweb. March 2, 2016.

Ghanaweb. “I’ll Auction My Winter Coat for $1 M in 10 Years—Asiedu Nketia.” March 2, 2016.