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Opinions of Monday, 5 March 2018

Columnist: Martin Luther Akor

In the country I come from

In the country I come from, government agencies owe so much in water consumption debt perhaps more than any other institution(s) combined, yet increase the water tariffs with their so-called "non-governmental" PURC and expect that citizens of Adenta and Kokrobite get access to pipe-borne water. Don't ask me why. I might have worked as a meter reader or better still your favourite water disconnection man in your next neighbourhood during my National Suffering Scheme (NSS) days.

In the country I come from, I heard that 4-5 policemen use one (1) gun! Let me remind you that the gun could be older than the policeman using it. Don't ask me why. I just read about it in the news.

In the country I come from, some pastors no longer want to follow in the steps of Paul and Peter by walking from Bompata to Jasikan to fish for men because they can build a church, boast about themselves and tell the fishes to enter their "shrines" dubbed churches. Don't ask me why. Just tune in your radio at night and the likelihood of getting an invitation to these fish markets could be 8 out of 10!

In the country I come from, some investigative journalists clad themselves in party colours, they only have eyes for the wrongs committed by members of a political party. Don't ask me why, just ask Mr., the Popular One!

In the country I come from, be careful not to fall into coma and end up in the mortuary, because a slap from the mortician could 'reactivate' your coma. Don't ask me why. Just ask Maame Esi Forson about her experience at the Effiakwanta Gov't Hospital.: after she came back to life at the mortuary, the mortician still thought he is having one hallucination of a ghost haunt and thus injected her back to 'sender'! You can ask UTV Ghana too.

In the country I come from, Cecilia Marfo will deliberately slap Brother Sammy all in the name of deliverance, Yehowa!. Don't ask me why. I just quoted the words of brother Sammy.

In the country I come from, unemployment and economic hardships could make a young graduate whisper to his friends about his desire to solely do God's work. Don't ask me why. Mark 6:3 said even Jesus was a carpenter so my brother you can do both. And oh, and if thou choose to be a "Levite", be sure not to amass wealth to thyself (Deut. 18:1-2).

In the country sister Rejoice comes from, an 'Akpeteshie' believer who has the register of all those heading to heaven and to hell will predict that someone is going to hell cos he/she led no better life. Don't ask me why. Make a retrospection and quiz the hypocrites around you about the judgements they passed on Ebony. Oh, but if I dare challenge the identity of a "prophet", then I'm touching God's anointed. But 1 Cor. 14:29 says, let two or three prophets speak and let the others judge. Let them continue and don't ask me why. For 'Akatui' - the chief executioner in Hell is waiting to lash them all.

In the country I come from, some people equate free education to a low standard in education. Oh Yehowa, even some so-called elites think same or have decided to deceive the masses all perhaps cos of their party affiliations. Don't ask me why! Ask the Danes about how theirs is free yet quality.

In the country I come from, a conman by name Computer Man invites a lady con artists to his church to act a con movie for the gullible followers to celebrate. Don't ask me why cos they ordered the demon in the snake to walk towards the pastor, thinking the snake is, as portrayed, a con creature. Little did I know that it was fed up with their trick so it creeped towards the other direction.

In the country I come from, don't be surprised to get the "medication" for cancer in a nearby lotto kiosk. Don't ask me why. Just pay us a visit and you'll find out why. Oh sorry, you can ask the almighty Food and Drugs Authority about what they're doing.

In the country I come from, the security right from the entrance of Parliament to where members shout "yeeye" is just in shambles and anything could happen, if appropriate measures aren't taken. Don't ask me why cos I always wait for disasters before I act.

In the country I come from, there's a huge deficit for doctors or health care professionals, yet it could take some decades to be posted to Gomoa Njiresi. Don't ask me why because I've got severe headache and will be the 500th person to be attended to unless I pay bribe to that doctor at the Cape Coast Government Hospital.

In the country I come from, I have a Ministry of Football and 'Oware'. I don't have a ministry for sports because the only sports I know is Football. Don't ask me why we've got amazing talents showcasing their skills yet no serious thinker of a Minister thinks of scouting these talents and preparing them for the Olympics.

In the country I come from, my great grandfather learnt about one legend of a fictional footballer called Obiba J.K and oh Ansa Sasraku just for me to use his acquired knowledge to buy one 'aboloo' from Mr. Boamah's shop. Don't ask me why because I always ask for research allowance and even go on strike yet don't even produce something worth of a garbage.

In the country I come from, I always shout "cleanliness is next to godliness, yet my church premise is located just 100 feet from a major filth of a gutter. Don't ask me why because I know that false balance isn't an abomination if my spiritual health exceeds my physical health. Mamamia!

In the country I come from, I'm judged not by the content of what I am or what I do but by my outward appearance. Don't ask me why because I'm called Kubolor, I sing so much sense and I'm very passionate about my country in almost all my songs, yet they turn my music off because I wear no panties when on stage.

In the country I come from, an MP in the Gomoa areas claim to have a certificate from the Macquarie Graduate School of Management. Don’t ask me why because you and I confirmed he/she never stepped foot there and will never be punished for this is just a minor crime.

In the country I come from, I will be made a deputy minister of State for two months and receive equal ex-gratia like the rest of my colleagues. Don't ask me why because I sometimes tend to focus so much on my salary as an MP even though I earn and enjoy perhaps 10x than the average Ghanaian.

In the country I'm from, I am righteous only when I'm in church. Don't ask me why because I'm the head pastor of a church and partly part of my church's prayer group. Don't ask me why because I'll end up reselling the food meant for the poor kid of the interviewer to some unsuspecting market women. And oh, I'll pay tithe out of this.

In the country I come from, I ask why instrumentalist and gatekeepers aren't given their portion of the tithe as stipulated by Nehemiah 13:5. I am not given an answer and please don't ask me why because Seth married a "strange" woman who came out of nowhere and when I ask, I'll be tagged an antichrist!

In the country I come from, I'll continue my story later. Don't ask me why because I may hear the same sweet melancholic voices of change during elections, yet see the same act of incompetence when I'm voted into power.

Authored by Mr. No name. Don't ask me why because a deportee brother of one of the kings at Dansoman known by the alias D.C doesn't care selling one plot of land to 10 different people. Don't ask him why because he also wants to chop some!