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Opinions of Monday, 11 April 2016

Columnist: Gyimah, Gilbert Adu

Hunting an Elephant Kofi Dubai Style

April 10, 2016

Dear Country Folks,

You cannot have forgotten too soon a powerful adage I delivered to Opana some months ago. Well, knowing what short memories you country-folks have, let me try to refresh your memories. I said that “when you are going to hunt an elephant, you don’t stop to shoot at rabbits”.

I have since decided that it is worth shooting at some rabbits after all. And not just shooting at the rabbits but having my attack dogs chase after them as well.

Dear country-folks, I can tell that some of you are already confused with all this talk about Opana, Elephant, rabbits and attack dogs. Well, let me break it down.

Well, “Opana” is the name I coined for the Chairman of the largest Opposition party. The Elephant is interchangeably my main rival or the Party of which he is the flagbearer. The attack dogs are the BNI and my National Security Advisor. The rabbit can be you or any Opana tomorrow. But in more recent times, the rabbits have been two South Africans, two ex-military Captains, some names associated with the Elephant Party, and an Anas-like character taking pictures of a sight he was not supposed to see.

Actually, I have even come to enjoy chasing the rabbits even more than hunting the elephant. So I shall chase a few more rabbits using my attack dogs before I turn my focus back on the Elephant. So while the chasing lasts, Dear Country folks, please make sure to close your eyes to any vehicles being branded under the cover of darkness in the NDC colours and with my picture. Else you will find yourself become a rabbit. Also make sure you do not take too many selfies around any NDC property. Else, you might just become a prey for my attack dogs. Don’t do too many outdoor exercises ahead of joining any demonstration organized by the Elephant Party lest you are arrested on the orders of my National Security Advisor for planning to join a terrorist organization overseas.

Dear Country folks, after 4 years as your Incompetent One, I call tell you that “Power Sweet K? K?”. And with unlimited funds, it doesn’t get any better than that.

Dear Country folks, I took time off a busy national tour to write you this piece. I must get back to practicing my lines as I move to territories that are not exactly World Bank or IMF. But aren’t they all becoming World Banks and IMFs, what with the trappings of power and the pull of unlimited cash. E Dey Bee K? K?. That is the refrain that comes before “the meat is down to the bone”.

Your “Incompetency”
Kofi Dubai

Gilbert Adu Gyimah
Alberta, Canada