Kpin kpin! Halleluya! My bank sent me an alert last night just when I was about to catch some sleep. I was excited and I thought manna had fallen. I opened it and it is a deduction for ATM services.

This was from the coins left in my account o! what kind of drama is this? January January January – now till it ends! The month of January is a beast! Interestingly during this period some people are also misbehaving on our roads in addition to the endurance march of January.

Some drivers have started misbehaving in 2026 again o. Accra-Cape Coast-Takoradi road and Accra-Kumasi road especially! We beg o – we don’t want a repetition of what happened in 2025. These are purely behavioral misbehaviours on our roads and not a manifestation of any negative prophecies.

Nowadays even jujumen have stopped asking their clients for the front teeth of a live lion before they ‘cure their patients of their ailments’ or the intestines of a leopard for pepper soup before you excel in your endeavours including over-speeding and f**lish overtaking.

The fetish man has stopped demanding the pelvic girdle of a female scorpion before performing some rites for ‘solution seekers’. Don’t be deceived. If you do the right thing, you don’t really need to see any spiritualist!

Good morning o, Sammy, my dear brother. So this year, your resolution is to sack your sidechick because of the temporary good behavior exhibited by your wife er? Please don’t rush it. If you really want your wife to change, stop giving her money. Stop giving her attention.

Always look moody as if something is annoying you. Above all, try to correct her and you would be fine. Halleluya! This advice applies to only my friend, Sammy o; don’t bring me problem.

Where are the medical doctors who say that adequate sleep is good for one’s health and yet do not tell us that the month of January is not part?

Almost everybody including medical doctor friends of mine can be seen online as late as 2am! Doing what? School fees? Nowadays when I ask my kids to sleep before I sleep because they need longer hours of sleep for good health, they would in turn ask me to sleep first before they sleep and that is leadership by example. If the only condition for them to sleep is for me to sleep first, then these kids are in trouble. Last Tuesday night was a bad one for us as we were all awake till daybreak on Wednesday.

Congratulations to all the Teranga Lions of Senegal, the Super Eagles of Nigeria, Atlas Lions of Morocco and Desert Foxes of Algeria! Egypt is one of the few countries where the Pharaohs are recognized.

Majority of the rest? Eagles and lions – they hardly win any global tournament. We just like using the names of mostly wild animals to go and scare the rest of the world and sometimes ourselves. The less scary ones include the Squirrels of which country sef? Me, I don’t know.

If this is the first time you are defying the warning not to read this, then you are in for trouble; you are just about to waste 6 minutes of your time reading absolute abstract and maybe some 3 minutes as extra time!

My problem with some of us human beings is why we choose to do the direct opposite of what we have CLEARLY been asked not to do! Restaurant door. ‘Push’. We would ‘Pull’! Simple!
The law of reverse psychology at play!

Anyway, this is a painful reminder that we are still in January. Next week, Friday is still January! Still on the journey from Egypt to Israel – fortey years!

Last Saturday my wife bought me a white towel to bath with. Hehehe! I know in less than 2 weeks, it would turn brown. Bathing itself is not compulsory and you expect me to bath well. I have secretly bought my own coffee coloured towel. White towel to wipe my body? For what? She is not serious!

You remember when I was 10 years old, anytime I saw a bus branded Ghana Airways, I used to lie to my younger brother that the bus could fly? In case you didn’t know, just to tell you that it is weekend again and my brain here is doing its things in no particular order! You know, people go through professional training not for the fun of it o.

Imagine you going to board an aeroplane and then you see me (Mawuli) walking past with some seriousness only to be told I am the one going to be your pilot. Ajeeeeii! Please cancel that flight o! Run!

Go back home and pick trotro to your destination o. Some time ago, I told my family and friends I was going abroad when it was actually just Suyani. They hired a sprinter bus to see me off to the airport and said bye bye to the plane even though couldn’t see me while I was on board – that is FAITH! They didn’t even know which country I was going to. Upon my return a month later, I quickly rushed to Tema station to buy some used clothing, sent them to the laundry and packaged them nicely as gift for the people back home presumably from abroad.

Now my problem was how to get them to believe that I was arriving from abroad. I had earlier informed them of my ‘new arrival date’. I lodged at a budget hotel and the following day, I rushed to Terminal 3 in a fose thick winter dress and a hat to show that the cold winter from abroad has really acclimatized me. In any case, must winter be hot? Why did I even describe it as cold? Needless! They met me in excitement at the international arrival hall. I walked with swag to meet them o.

My brother, it is not easy to fake what you are not; I had to be slanging by force and even that they could tell there was something wrong somewhere. Hmm! It is always good to be yourself. That is why anytime I am travelling abroad proper, I don’t wear fose. What if the original owner sees me?

Is it not true that owning a smelly mouth is a strategy for me to win arguments easily? When my mouth smells badly, I win arguments easily even when my ‘opponent’ is not in agreement. I will insist Arsenal is the best and even though my opponent disagrees with me, he will throw in the towel by saying ‘yes, Arsenal is the best’ just to avoid the bad odour from my mouth to spoil his mood!

I was at the DVLLA office to renew my license. I told you before that I have a problem with one of my eyes. The eye testing officer is so well trained that the guy knew what he was about. I was praying that the eye for the test would be the better one. As fate would have it, he insisted on the left one. I changed to the right one. He changed it back as he insisted that was what he would want to use for the test.

This guy must be a wizard – how did he know the ‘problem eye’ for this all-important test! I just confessed to him that one of my eyes had a ‘kidney’ problem. Eventually he used the correct one and with that I could see clearer. I passed the test but with a caution not to drive at night for the safety of my own self and other road users. Have you ever seen me driving in the night? Safety first!

It’s Friday and I don’t even know which one of the eyes I am currently using to
write this abstract and lies but it is being written all the same! The good news is that seven days from today, your story would change for the better! But remember it is still January!

Happy New Year and remember the fact that HIV is on a steep rise and that skin-to-skin some of us have been doing nu, we should stop or else…the resolutions of 2026 would mean nothing because sweet things are dangerous!