Letter From The President: Oh, Papa Duncan!

Countrymen and women, loyalists and opponents, believers and non-believers, every Bible-believing Christian in Sikaman is wondering how Action?s Papa Duncan is coping after his wife left him. I have been reliably informed that he?s very broken-hearted. He?s not been eating and his head is constantly buried in his Bible. But I don?t pity him. The news about his divorce has given me an opportunity to say all those things I?ve always wanted to say about him and am not going to spare any punches at all.

I think that Papa Duncan has contributed in large measure to the rot in Christianity in Sikaman. I know that some of you adore and worship him. To some of you, he?s a god. You see him as unquestionable ? he?s a final authority on everything. And I know you won?t take kindly to my saying these things about him. But am not afraid! Papa Duncan?s flamboyant lifestyle and his appetite for the grandeur spurned a generation of greedy, self-seeking preachers in this country.